What do you say when your husband tells you its over?

Question

My husband and I had a huge argument and not that it is an excuse but we where both very drunk and I said things I did not mean but was only looking for his attention. So I let him be for about a week, you know let him have his space, and then it finally came to the day when we need to resolve this issuse and he tells me that it is over and he has felt this way for a long time. I am just shocked and hurt to hear this since I did not expect this out come. I know he has lots of problems goning on at work, financial problems and his parents are going through problems too, and I confronted him about him taking all his problems out on me because I am the one he comes home to and he denies it. Maybe we did get married to young or maybe he just is confused but how do I tell him that he just can't change his mind later, I will not go back with him. I want him to understand that if that is what he wants there is no turning back I will be civil towards him for the children. Help me out.

Answer 1

anything someone says when they are drunk should not be taken seriously- talk to each other when
A) SOBER
B) IN THE PRESENCE OF A "MEDIATOR"-priest,friend,etc

Answer 2

Saying that you got married at a young age is an excuse or something to place the blame on. There really isnt a right answer for this. But you two should really sit down and talk. To see where things will go. If perhaps things can turn around for you two. Apparently drinking doesn't help. So make that the first thing. A vow to start over without the booze. You two married cause you were in love so start talking. Bring in someone to keep the peace and hope for the best. Sounds as if he has things he needs to get off his chest. You have things you need and want answers for. Putting it off will only make it harder. There is no time like the presence to start.

Answer 3

I don't answer many of these, but you guys sound like you are drowning, so, here are some things to think about.

Marriage is never perfect, because TWO people are involved. But from what you have said here, neither of you communicates well unless you are drunk, or in a rage, or both. And communication is what keeps the lines open....calm, deliberate, non-threatening communication.... I think marriage is Admiration Respect Passion, and Trust, and hopefully you two still have most of those for each other. But marriage is also communication, lovies, time together, providing a safe and loving environment in which to raise your children.... He hasn't, as far as you know, cheated on you , and that, hon IS the dealbreaker --- betrayal. So, Helping you out? Before you bail and tell him, or he telsl you that the mattress is split, and it is over, invest in two sessions of marriage counseling...There are ways to tell your partner what your needs are without rage, or, worst of all, resentment...... sometimes, it is best to just "shut the hell up" even when you know you are right, and perhaps you have never practiced that. Additionally, I do believe, that a guy's ego, and masculinity are way toooooo often tied up in just winning--- and it makes no difference what it is that they win, just win. So, see a marriage counselor, hon. You are probably a neat lady, and he a neat guy, so don't give up on your marriage on the basis of one blow-up, even if it was resentment that finally brought it to a head... Good luck. Marriage can be just tooo nice, to let one slide, because of communication problems..
And from what you have said here, I conclude that your problem is one of communication....

Answer 4

Keep your head up and try to give him some space if you want to work things out. Marriage goes through good and bad cycles and this may just be one of those rough times. My husband and I threatened divorce ALL of the time when we would fight but always worked things out....that is, until last month. He asked for a divorce again and this time I was on board with it 100%. It shocked him that I was in agreement, and now he wants to work things out but I am done. You can only threaten divorce so many times.

If you are truly done with him, then keep your head up, get a lawyer and take steps to protect you and your children. Good luck!

Answer 5

When a man says he's been unhappy for a long time (which is what your husband actually meant) it usually means he's done. When you told him that he takes all his problems out on you, you indicated that his problems weren't really important to you. If he leaves, it's not likely that he'll want to come back. If you want him to stay, you've got about as much time as it takes to snap your fingers to turn things around. You might start by apologizing for those hurtful words of yours. You also might curb your drinking before you say something else you'll regret.

Answer 6

I believe most marriages can be saved if you want them to be. But you both have to be willing to try and you both need to admit you have done things wrong to eachother. Unless there is physical violence going on, you may have just come to a rut in your relationship and need some counseling from a marriage counselor to find out. Good luck, remember not to fight in front of the children.

Answer 7

If you want your marriage to work then take action. I hate when people are telling others to ditch the loser or leave his sorry @$$. You have feelings for him and have a special bond with him. I believe that if two people truly want to be together, then they will seek counseling and work on themselves to improve their relationship. Don't ask him to change. Ask yourself what you think you have done to cause this destructive behavior. Ask yourself if you truly want to change your ways and lead a better path. You don't have to change everything, maybe it's the way you react or not communicating. Take time and don't play games back. You know when you are acting mature when you don't want to rewind the tape. Hope this helps my dear. Take it easy.

Answer 8

If it weren't for the kids, I'd say goodbye. BUT children are involved, and every effort to keep a family together should be done. First get counseling. Second, throw out the booze.
Even go to church as a FAMILY!

It works! Especially for your children.

Answer 9

You're both somewhat immature, right? I'd suggest counseling is imperative for the two of you. Especially since children are involved. You understand the children are paying a heavy price for the controversy, right?

Answer 10

nicely hon, he's YOUR husband, so how about talking to him about it???!! Like, locate out what's on his thoughts. Jeez, take the time, after all he's your husband and it is your marriage. a strong commence might want to be getting off the computing gadget and passing a even as with him, huh..... hint hint....

Answer 11

then let him write the checks for the lawyers if he wants out... and let him have most of the bills in the divorce... there may be more going on at work that you think.... hummmmmmm.... and yes, be civil for the kids sake.. if you cut their father down, it will come back to hit you in the face later.