He is a wonderful person and did so much for me and it breaks my heart that I ended it and hurt him, but in my heart I felt like something wasn't there and I couldn't give him my all because I wasn't feeling it. Even though I really care about him there was no spark. Please help me, am I a horrible person? I don't know what to think. Did I do the wrong thing? Even though it doesn't matter because he said that when we are done we are done for good. But I would really appreciate any helpful feedback. Thank you!
2006-12-31 11:58:24 · 20 answers · asked by . 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I was in the same situation 3 years ago. I met a guy who ticked all 'the boxes' tall,good looking, professional, kind, loyal, friendly, funny and a great guy......but the chemistry wasn't there. I told him from the start but we continued to see each other. I finished with him a few times and each time he talked me into going back out with him.
I wish I would have been stronger, the more time that passed, the more I got involved. I was kidding myself. It was only when we were abroad that I realised I didn't fancy him and never would. You cannot put into words the 'chemistry' bit. Some women I have spoken to have 'never been in love' but they settle for friendship. I think you have to be true to yourself. Would you like to be with a guy that didn't fancy you.... no thanks!
I realise that chemistry is not everything but I know I want to walk into a room, see my man and think 'mmmmm'. I think it is what bonds a couple together. It is not everything but it is very important if you want passion in your life!
You have done the right thing absolutely. The guilt is setting in but the more you talk to people the more you will realise that you have done the right thing. It takes guts to walk. Don't be hard on yourself. If it helps, keep a diary and you will see, in a few months, how far you have come. Be strong and remember that if it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. You deserve more and so does he.
2006-12-31 12:13:29 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. I was in a similar situation myself just a few months ago. I was going out with a girl that I absolutely adored. It felt stronger than a friendship, but I just didn't feel sexually attracted to her. I ended things between us, and it killed me at
the time, but in the long term I know I did the right thing.
By ending the relationship you actually did the best thing for him. It would be unfair for you to stay with him under false pretenses - he deserves to be with a girl that can't keep her hands off him.
If you felt like I did, you will be regretting ending the relationship - you won't be able to stop thinking about him. Don't worry this will pass. Just hang in there for a few days and make sure you keep yourself busy.
So to summarise; yes, you definitely did the right thing, and no, you are not a bad person.
2006-12-31 12:03:16 · answer #2 · answered by Aries 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you're confusing sexual attraction with physical attraction. You can feel sexual attraction towards someone you don't find physically attractive. When you get a crush or romantic feelings for someone, your feelings are sexual, because they aren't on the "just friends" level; you want to go further than that. I used to date a guy who I didn't find all that handsome, yet I was VERY attracted to him. So I don't think finding someone physically attractive matters that much--what matters is that you actually have FEELINGS for them (not necessarily LOVE, but you know. . .a crush or something). I could never have sex with someone I only found platonic.
2016-05-23 01:29:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing JJ.
I did the wrong thing, married a friend and robbed her of the chance to meet someone who really fancied her rotten. I loved her, but I wasn't properly IN LOVE with her, and it took me 12 years and to meet the right woman before I had the courage to end it, hurting her in the process, which I regret. I should have hurt her by saying "no" in the first place as it wouldn't have cut so deeply as it did when I ended our marriage, and that was after gradually hurting her more and more with my discontent in the marriage. He'll recover, and far quicker than if you left after 12 years. Move on, he will.
2006-12-31 12:05:09 · answer #4 · answered by MarkEverest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. A platonic relationship is at best a poor substitute for a proper loving relationship. Once you both have sexual partners you'll probably be able to be friends again, but in the meantime you are right to recognise your relationship was not enough for you. You will both be better off in the long run.
2006-12-31 12:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by Huh? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep sweetie you were spot on ..... 'gut feeling' is what it is all about and no spark means no gut feeling ....... my 2007 proverb will read 'Listen To Your Heart' and that is exactly what you have done ..... You are not a horrible person, you simply have been intuitive and correct .... by sleeping with someone, you are giving your all .. and that has to be correct ..... congrats on a great decision! Just keep listening to your heart ... you will know when it is right ......
2006-12-31 12:06:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive lived the same thing, kid! and Im a guy, normally I should sleep with anyone!!!! NOT TRUE, there are limits and there are morals. there is no point in doing someone a favour like that coz he or she is kind etc (because thats all it is), be real and if you hurt someone a little now, its better than destroying that persons ego and maybe ruining his life forever later.
I wish you a wonderful new year, and a big snog!
2006-12-31 17:20:25 · answer #7 · answered by eurobuskers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing...You feel horrible because he is a nice guy and he may be hurt now but its better than five years from now being married with a house kids and having an affair...imagine how you would both feel then
2006-12-31 14:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing, and no you're not a bad person for it, ok. Lot's of people stay in relationships like that and are miserable. Congratulations, you had the guts to end it. Now you are both free to find what you deserve.
2006-12-31 12:07:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good that you did not sleep with him....that would have taken the relationship to another level and led him on.
I've been in your situation before. You're dating a guy that is just a wonderful man, but for some reason, your heart is just not in it. It sucks. You want so bad to love him, but its just not happening. You did the right thing.....Its better not to lead him on.
2006-12-31 12:05:58 · answer #10 · answered by Abby C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋