Can anyone relate: My ex husband is now married (for the last several years)?

Question

and has a child by this new wife, he also has a kid by me.
Anyways, he and his new family live in ahuge beautiful new home, with an inground pool and trampoline, he has bought her a new bmw (she dont work) and he spoils his other kid like nothing. I mean this child is always dressed well, and has everything...and he is a good kid too, ugh.
Well whenever I drop my son off to his dads, I feel like **** because we live in a shithole basically and my kid doesnt ave a quarter of what my exes other kid has. My son always says its not fair, and I hate it.
I have nothing against his new wife cause she is actually alright and nice to my son, but I feel jealous and envious, becuase he has moved on and I havent. P[lus my kids life is nothing like his other childs, private school versus public you know. Can anyone relate??? How do you deal?

Answer 1

its hard to deal with a siduation like that....but you just have to do the best that you can do..when my children go their father something similar happens...but the kid is not his and he treats her better then his own kids....they have started speaking out and I am glad.

But you can only do what you can do...dont worry about what they have_

Answer 2

I can understand where you feel jealous, Sheerie, but the question is, does your ex support your child? That's the major thing. It sounds like everyone has a decent relationship, so if you feel that your son is being treated differently from his step-sibling, you should talk to your husband. But as for you driving a BMW, having the fancy house, the pool...ain't gonna happen. You're not the wife anymore. If you want those things, you'll have to work hard on your own. You're talking about two seperate issues...what you want and how your son feels. One issue is very legitimate whereas the other isn't. Happy New Year.

Answer 3

Life isn't fair. Don't know that it was ever meant to be or we wouldn't have all these different disparities to worry about and help us grow through.
I think what you're dealing with is called "envy." I suggest you work on that as one of your '07 projects and get over being the ex without the frills. Also try not to let your son know how green you feel; it's not fair to him to saddle him with that same envy and dissatisfaction. Your ex has moved on and that's what you need to do also- get a life and start living well yourself. Stop playing the role of victim here.
Despite my seeming harshness here, I am sympathetic, but sympathy isn't what you need, is it? My ex also remarried and they're living in the lap of luxury while I'm below the poverty level - BUT I am a very wealthy woman because I've worked it out, no envy, no jealousy. You can too.

Answer 4

That is difficult. does your ex pay child support in the sum of a fair amount that if his current wife left him you would be on the same page. If not you may consider renegotiating the amount you receive due to cost of living increasing. Should that happen then make sure you spend the money on your son! As for private schooling I think that your ex probably thinks that he pays you child support and if you wanted your son to go to a private schooling that is up to you to make it a priority. I am sorry for your son however your ex can't be punished and not advance just because your marriage didn't work out! Go back to court and ask for more money for your son and focus on improving your education so you can live the life you want.

Answer 5

I understand where you are coming from. But please know these are all material things. As long as your ex husband takes care of his son and spends time with him, what more can you ask for. Sometimes, men find women that they can grow with and apparently that's what your husband did (not saying he couldn't grow with you). You say you live in a shithole, well what are you doing about it? Are you working towards finding a better home to live in? You shouldn't sit around and feel sorry for yourself because they (ex husband & family) has this and that. The same way they got it you can get it. As far as a man in your life. He will come along. Just be patient and presentable and respectful to yourself and the main thing love yourself. Be thankful for what you have. Sometimes, we see the outside (nice homes, clothes, cars etc.) and assume a person(s) is doing so great but for real, you don't know what goes on within a household. How do you deal you ask? Keep doing what you are doing. There's really nothing to deal with. You two couldn't make it as husband & wife so he has moved on. Now it is time for you to move on. Take care of YOU mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. If you want better for yourself, save money to get those things (home, car, etc.) or get a better job. When your son says things about it being unfair, just talk to him and let him know that it is fair because he has love shown to him in 2 households. Don't allow him to beat himself up about materialistic things. This is not good for his mental state. With the help of your ex-husband, raise him to be a man and tell him that materialistic things can be easily given and even easier to take away. I wish you well. Just continue to do the best that you can and everything will be alright.

Answer 6

Yes, I can relate. My wife left me after a 22 year marriage for a doctor who makes a heck of a lot more money then I do. His kids are grown, but my daughter is only 10. They live in a huge freaking house, while I'm living with living with three roommates trying to finish grad school. They shower her with gifts knowing I'm picking up pennies to pay for gas. When she is with me, she asks me questions like "why don't you have a dvd player in your car, daddy?" I know they are only material things, and I shouldn't worry about trying to buy my daughter's love, but can't help the thought crossing my mind. He does treat my daughter good, which is the only reason he is still alive (he and my ex were having an affair while they were both married to other people), and he knows it. He was her doctor (ob/gyn), and he was a member of the church she pastored at the time. Anyway, I deal with it because I know I won't always be in the situation that I'm in now. I doubt if I'll ever make the six figure salary he does, but that doesn't bother me. There are times when I have to keep reminding myself, over and over and that helps reinforce the determination I have to imporve my situation. That's how I deal.

Answer 7

I cannot relate but I can tell you how to deal with such issue. First and foremost remove all roots of jealousy and envy in your heart. These roadblocks to success will poison your life. From the depth of your heart, think and wish the best for your ex and his family and you will be surprised how good thoughts come back to invade your own life. You are not to live a mediocre life financially, then talk to your car,your house,your purse, tell them with conviction, like you really mean it that they are subject to change. With this new year, change or discard anything and/or anyone that you consider negative in your life. Supernaturally, your life will soar to a new dimension. Little by little you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Do not, I repeat do not compare yourself with anyone or other people' success. Your only gouge of success is yourself, that is from where you are today versus a year later. I do not say that it is easy but applying yourself with a true loving heart will lead you to a rewarding life. Trust me, you can surprised yourself!

Answer 8

Your ex has found more financial success in his life than you have. So what? Does he pay the child support he is supposed to pay? Then you have no reason to feel resentful or jealous. You should just focus on making your life as full and happy as it can be. This is one of the situations that divorce creates and kids have parents in different economic circumstances. Try not to focus on the material things and teach your son to value other things in life.

Answer 9

I would overlook the "material" things like cloths, toys, etc and focus on getting a better education for your child. This will teach him "to fish" (give him a fish, feed him for a day, teach him to fish, feed him for a lifetime...). Try talking to your ex about this, he might be reasonable. Tell him you realize he is not required to pay for private school, but you can't afford it and you know that you both want the best for your son. Make sure you put yourself on his "team" and assume he is willing to help. That usually improves your chances of convincing someone to see your point of view.

However, if he is unwilling to discuss it, get an attorney. It sounds like you are not getting all the child support you are entitled to receive. There is a definite problem if he can afford to send one child to private school and not the other.

Answer 10

I would tell my ex that our sin feels like his half brother gets more of his time money and attention and if he is going to spend that much on one he needs to do the same with the other because it isn't fair kids don't know the differance and the son he lives with is going to end up making fun of your kid because he doesn't have as much

Answer 11

You keep on keeping on and trying to make a better life for yourself and your child. You sit your child down and explain that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Also,I would check with an Attorney to see if you can get the child support raised since he apparently makes a whole lot of money to afford all they have. Maybe it is time your child got some of the "Good life" too,in regards to Child Support being raised.