Should I work it out or just get divorced?

Question

My husband and I were addicted to Meth over a year ago. I went to detox and got clean, got a job, and I am taking care of our three kids alone because he is in prison because his detox didn't go well. His entire family is also Meth addicts. My children and I don't really have anything to do with them because of it. I am trying really hard to make my life good and my children's lives good. And I know that if he gets out and comes home it will be as bad as before. I don't want that anymore but I don't want my children to be without their dad. So, please help me!!!!!!

Answer 1

How about moving away from the Meth fiends and have him get some help the moment he's released? Moving away from the dope heads and he coming home to you and your family will be some good medicine.

Just like crack heads, they need help. METH is a highly addictive and mind altering drug. He needs someone to help him stay away from this crap. His mind will have a weakness for a very long time (if not for the rest of his life).

If you could stop, he should be able to as well.

Answer 2

First of all let me say that it is great that you have cleaned up your life. I applaud you for doing the right thing for yourself and your kids. You should be very proud.
Continue to think about your kids. There is nothing to work out. You can't reason with an addict. Divorce him right away and when he gets out of prison do not allow him to move back in with you and you kids.
He can go live with Meth addicted family. Your husband will only drag you down and you don't need that. I understand that you want your kids to have a father but if you talk to anyone that has grown up with a father that was an addict they will tell you that it would have been better to have no father at all. take my word for it. Get away from this man while you can. You may even meet a nice man that can play Daddy to you kids if you're lucky. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

Answer 3

As you know, Meth is an awful drug that basically destroys most of what and who it touches. If that is what your ex will be doing - the kids are better off with a strong, clean, and healthy mother protecting them, than a dad in trouble. Do not let him back into your home around your children unsupervised or not. I believe that people can change, but they have to want it for themselves. If there is nothing to lose, then what do they have to gain by getting clean and staying that way? Sometimes not even the prospect of getting your family back is enough for some to change. I don't know the age of your kids, but my kids are 7 and 12 and they know all about drugs and what it can do. They learn from school, and it's reinforced at home. You have to do what's best for your kids ~ first. The way I see it, I had my fun, and made my choices free and clear before I had kids. Now, every decision I make is to ensure that my kids succeed in whatever it is that they do or choose to do in their future. When they are grown, if they fail - that is my failure. This is my job and the only thing that matters now. When they move out, I will have a little more time to make more choices, but I will still hold myself responsible for them, and to help them when they need it.

Answer 4

First and foremost, I applaud you for winning your battle!!

If he is still using, then I would say stay away from him. As I'm sure you know, recidivism with drug addiction is very high, and I'm sure that the past year has seemed like forever for you, but I honestly don't think it would be long enough to be back around that lifestyle. Addiction affects the whole family, not just the person. Your kids have had their mom back for a year! Please don't take even a chance of putting them through that hell again. Talk to the people that helped you to get clean. There may be places that your children can have supervised visits (definatly never unsupervised) with their dad. Hopefully, the thought of having his family back may be what he needs to finally say something is more important than the drug, but until them, please don't put yourself and your kids in that situation again.

If you feel you want to stay with him, then do so in a productive way - help him to help himself - while he lives apart from you and the kids. Talk with the counselors at the detox, or if there are not any available there, call other rehabilitation centers in your area. Find out the best way to help. After you ave done all that you can, you may have to let go and let God. But at least you will then have the peace of mind to be able to say you tried to help.

Answer 5

GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES for the new year and years ahead of yo.DIVORCE HIM AS FAST AS YOU CAN the way i see it, is that you have worked your part out. as for you children they are not without they did not choose to go to jail your husband made that choice however i will say that he IS without his children, because his part of the deal did not go well, maybe he should have tried a whole lot harder. or at least put a little more effort and HEART into it. the only work i would say you need to do is divorce the man, move MANY miles away tell the children what,
when, where, and WHY, they will understand will also say to you that they want too see him.tell them you will let him know his children want too see him if he is a real father he will make all the needed arrangements to see his children. just keep up the hard good work and things will get better as you go

Answer 6

I would consult an Attorney and get a Divorce. It will be easier to get a Divorce while he is in Prison since he was convicted of using and having drugs around the children. You are CLEAN ,,KEEP IT THAT WAY for the CHILDREN. You have done the greatest thing a Mother can do for a child,you cleaned yourself up and are working hard at keeping yourself clean for your children,why put yourself and THEM into a situation that you KNOW will put you behind bars yourself next time and you would LOSE the CHILDREN. I am trying to HELP YOU BUT TELLING YOU TO DIVORCE THE GUY AND KEEP MOVING ON WITH A GOOD LIFE FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN..........I am also PRAYING for you and your children to stay safe and for a better life for all of you. Happy PROSPEROUS New Year to you and your children.

Answer 7

Your childrens well-being shoudl priority #1. Get the divorce and know when he will get out so you can see about a restraining order. Explain to your children about your situation with daddy and how he is not a safe person. If you want a male psoitive figure in their life utilize the Big Brother/ Big Sister services or if you have a brother, cousin, male friend with his feet on the ground, have him come around and spend time with the kids. Setting a positive example is what will shoe them how to act in the future.
congrats on the cleaning and stay true.

Answer 8

If your husband is addicted to Meth they are already without a father. The best thing you could do is stay apart until he goes thur rehab successfully and then seek counseling for all of you before you agree to get back together. You owe it to your children to be strong for them.

Answer 9

I love to watch reformed this or that suddenly turn on those who either wont reform or cant do so easily or take too long to reform. Wow, dont you think that you are now some super star or something?

Let me clue you in. Some of us who never did any of this stuff see you the same as you do your husband, so drop the high tone lady. You are not in a position to look down on others. Glad you got straight, but you are still tainted, face it. You are trying really hard to make your and your kids lives good now. Key word, NOW. Because it serves you. Same thing you and he did when you used, right? You did what served you.

Next, dont play silly. You married him and he married you. Did it not say for life? Oh, I know, that doesnt count because of this or that, right? WRONG. Just because you dont like being dirty anymore or being with someone who you think still is, or because you dont find him to serve your purpose anymore doesnt leave you in a position that you are doing right in divorcing.

Sorry for the kick, but face it. And no, I dont think that because someone finally gets it right, means they are not suppose to have to face up to some things they dont like.

Answer 10

If you want him in your lives, there have to be conditions he must adhere to when he gets out if he wants to be part of your lives. the obvious is to stay clean. if he messes up just once, thats all the chance he gets. Your children will be better off without a father who gets high, than to have him strung out and messing with their lives. Be strong. Make your demands clear and stick to them, or this family will be in big trouble down the road.