Please read and give non judgemental advice but be honest ty?

Question

I currenly pay 800 a month in child support for my oldest son. His mother refuses to send clothing for him to wear while he is at my house. It is being quite expensive to provide clothing for him while at my house and my younger son who resides with me and my wife. Also its being quite expensive to providing a blessed x mas for both. I have no problem providing support to my oldest son but with 800 a month coming out of my check i dont think its too much to ask to send clothing to my house clothing that my money helps provide. So my suggestion is to maybe to still get him but maybe just get him for the day then bring him back home the same day. Like I said earlier i dont have aproblem providing for him but in my onpnion i havent been providing enough for my younger son i refuse to have him suffer . Any suggestions would be much appreciated and possibly the view point of a mother who might be going thru the same situation. fyi the 800 per month is more than 20% of my income.

Answer 1

Wow. I'm a single mother who receives $800 a month.
I send my daughter with clean clothes for a few days. So far, they've always came back with her (never clean).

We have an awful relationship but this particular issue hasn't arisen. I buy her clothing to AT LEAST show him that his money is going towards her care. Sometimes I actually send the clothes with tags so he can see they are new (I've been accused of getting all her clothes at the goodwill).

Be glad you have another family and please, don't ever let your older son feel like a burden. Our children are hurting and we, as adults have to sheild them from their immature parents (I'm talking about my situation here, don't get offended).

Suggestion: Buy him a few sets of clothing to keep at your place. In a few years your younger son could wear them. Just a package of underpants, socks, jeans, sweats, and a couple of T-shirts. One drawer of clothing might make him feel more comfortable in your home. I don't think day only visitation is good for your relationship with him.

Also, and then I'm done, I wish you were my exhusband. If this is your biggest complaint your exwife is very lucky and your present wife is even luckier. I'm living a personal hell right now and it's all about me STEALING his $$$. He tells this to our 7 year old daughter.

Answer 2

Split family's are so hard for the children, as well as both parties involved. I understand were you are coming from. That's what "child support" is for, to provide for the child; clothing,food and a roof over their head. If she isn't going to send clothes, I would try and talk to her reasonably about your situation at hand. Tell her you want to support both of your children the best way you know how, but its difficult when one is costing you 800+ a month. Maybe you could work out a deal to were you spend say 50 a month or whatever you see fit and give her 750. Tell her you don't have a problem buying the cloths, but ist's going to come out of the "child support" money. Hope this helps, and good luck to you!

Answer 3

I can understand your frustrations with your exwife not providing clothing for your son when he visits. However, as frustrating as it is for you, have you asked your son how he would feel about leaving you and his younger brother early instead of staying the entire time because he doesnt have a change of clothes? I think the exwife does this because she knows it bothers you. I feel for both you and your son, but I dont think taking him home early is the answer. You can always go to a coupleof thrift stores and just pick out a couple of things and keep them with you. That is what I would do. I know the money is a lot, but you and your son's relationship and making him feel that he is just as important as son number two is more important in the long run. I wish you luck. You sound like a good guy who is really concerned about his child and that is not found so easily these days.

Answer 4

Hello Sir,
I suggest that you and your wife purchase some outfits, shoes, etc for your oldest son who comes to visit you all. When your son comes over for his time with you all then allow him to wear his clothes that you all have purchased. However when it is time for him to go back to his mothers house then those clothes must remain there. And of course I believe that you and your wife will ensure that his other clothes are washed so he can return in those.
This will stop the issue of your x-wife not sending clothing for the son you two share. (Any items that you personally purchase for him should stay there in the house where you are.)
So I suggest that the next time your son comes over get his sizes in clothing, shoes, undershirts, socks and underwear and then get those items. You know how long he stays there with you all, so just get a few play outfits and some nice outfits to go out and eat dinner or outtings that you all attend.
I sure hope this helps and is something that you can do. I hate it that your having to pay this money to your xwife and she isn't doing her part in sending clothing etc for him when he goes to visit. It seems as if she is being very cruel but using the child which is so very wrong.
In my opinion this lady should be thanking God that you are a man who is paying her child support. In some cases "working in the court system I know very well what I am talking about" If there are 2 children sometimes the judge will order 1 child per parent and there is NO child support. It is figured that with each having a child thats its even steven so to speak. Now this is also in the case of both parents living in the same state and it's where the children are still able to see each other.
You might want to check into that sir to see if this is something that you can do.. talk with your attorney regarding this. I also suggest that when you purchase these items if you take my advice save all receipts , take them to child support and make sure that they have copies. This is for your protection and also very good amio in court as she is NOT following the rules. She is supposed to make sure that the son is ready and packed with clothing for his visit with his father.
Good luck sir and I hope that everything works out.

ps
If you and your wife now can handle both children and your son is of legal age to make a choice on who he wishes to reside with , that may even be a way to go also sir. This will cut out that 800.00 so that your son will have what he needs. If she isn't sending clothes like she should then what is she doing with his child support money? Think about this one sir.

Happy New Year !!

Answer 5

Your ex is taking you to the cleaners. If you are paying 800 a month in child support, she should be at least willing enough to send the boy with some clothes. You could keep 2 extra pairs of clothing at your place, they are cheap enough at Wal-Mart, and make sure you wash the clothes he came in, and send him home in those after the visit. It is sad when people (especially some women) use their children as pawns. If you go with the one day visit it's possible that your son may think you are not wanting to spend alot of time with him. Have you asked him to put a change of clothes in his backpack before he comes? If all else fails, see if your lawyer can write or call her lawyer and explain the situation, surely that would help. I wish you luck.

Answer 6

Since your son's mother refuses to send clothes for him to wear when he visits, keep clothes for him at your home that he will only wear when he is at your house. When he leaves, he should return home in the clothes he wore to your house. This will allow you to continue to spend the time alotted with your son without sending him home early, which may make him feel slighted. If you keep the outfits basic, it won't be costly Jeans go with everything so have a couple pair of jeans and 3-5 shirts. (depending on how long he stays with you.) Unfortunately his mother is doing this simply out of spite and if your son is not old enough to pack and bring his own clothes, this may be the best way to handle it. Good luck.

Answer 7

Considering that you are providing $800 a month in child support, she should be able to send him clothing in an overnight bag like if he was going somewhere else like a friends house. It's not like your keeping the clothes when he returns home. I don't know why this is such an issue. This is coming from a mom.

Answer 8

I recognise it is expensive to pay support for your eldest son and provide clothing when he is at your place. However, I found having a minimum wardrobe, games etc., kept at my place when step-daughter came over was the easiest. I refused to send her clothes I bought back to her mothers with her. The mother did not like this as she was looking at having it all, support and new wardrobe on a regular basis.
Being you have a younger son the eldest boys clothes kept at your place can go to your younger son as happens in families anyway.
From what I'm reading it is not providing the support for your eldest that is an issue. It is the fact the mother does not send him with clothes to your place. Under basic welfare rules she must provide him with clothing appropriate to the season for him to wear when he is with her and when he goes away from his family home. Just because a child is going to their other parents this does not alter, clothing is part of the calculations made why you pay the amount of support you do. If you buy clothes for your eldest boy because she does not provide them then you must keep the receipts and inform the Agency, Court that made the calculations of support to be paid by you and have them adjust the amount to be paid in accordance with these out of pocket expenses. The mother cannot have it both ways.
Remember at the end of the day he is just a boy and does not understand what is going on between you and his mother. Think before you change his visiting arrangements. If he is only with you for the day he may feel less valued by you than his younger brother. It is always difficult in situations like this but it is the children who become stuck in the middle. And remember, it is the love within the house that makes it a home and that is the most precious gift of all to give children.

To finish off, I have to confess I am confused here, recognising different places different laws apply. I am in Australia by the way. When I had one daughter with me and the elder one stayed with her Dad neither of us were seen by the law as having to pay support as we had equal financial responsibilities to our children.
Good luck.

Answer 9

your ex is just being rude and selfless. you bring your son back to his moms the same day is the same thing. You both are not hurting each other , your hurting your child. the child is suffering and being placed in the middle of something he has no business being in. If you too cant work this out in one conversation.
I suggest, that you take her back to court. or just have your lawyer sent her something in writing, that if she doesn't send clothing for the child,while out of her home, she will be summons to appear before the judge, not only for not providing clothing which is neglect but for an adjustment in child support to decrease the amount she currently receives due to not providing necessities. The more time you have with your child, the less you pay.

Answer 10

Man oh man... sounds like momma is playing games and using your kid to get to you. Yeah, he should come with clothes, and you can get his sizes from him, and do the goodwill thing, t shirts for fifty cents, etc. Keep it documented, EACH TIME. Make a quick checklist of clothes that he SHOULD be bringing that is appropriat to the period of time he stays, send it to her with an obvious cc: Atty. This will get her attention, and it doesn't mean you have to go back to the courts. HOWEVER, a bunch of small things can add up to present a pretty strong case if you gotta drag her vindictive a s s back into court. I've been there and know what you're going thru. Hang in there and keep the kids first. They'll remember what's going on and you'll come out the good guy.