Should I be concerned? Is that normal to be friends with your ex-partners? What is kosher in a marriage to have friends of the opposite sex??
2006-12-31 08:13:34 · 27 answers · asked by Abigail 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ask yourself this: How many exes have you met for coffee? They met for a whole lot MORE than just a cup of coffee!
2006-12-31 08:17:12 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wife has met her ex-boyfriend for coffee and/or dinner a few times and I don't worry about it. My wife knows that if she wants to cheat or end the relationship that it's her choice and nothing I say or do will stop her. She knows that all she haves to do is ask for her freedom and she can have it. The same holds true for me. The real question here is what are you doing or not doing that would cause her to want to see her ex-boyfriend? If you look at your relationship you may find the problem at home and not somewhere else. Be honest with your self - people change and women expect men to stay the same or get better in long term relationships; not, get worst. Remember when you stated dating. Did you spend or pay as much attention to him now as you did back than? How often do you tell him you love and desire him? When was the last time you told he is wonderful? Be honest with your self and you may have your own answer..
2006-12-31 08:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by denfasr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on the people. Some people want nothing to do with their ex-partners, and some remain good friends. I know one guy who went to his ex-wife's second wedding, and took his current girlfriend to the ex's house-warming, which was out of town. I see that as being a bit odd (especially since they didn't have any children or anything), but it works for them and their new partners are comfortable with it.
If you're not comfortable though, you need to speak up and not have it be something that comes between you. (But remember - he chose you, not her.) And for all you know, she may just be an old friend that happens to work in a particular field and he was using her as a contact or some such thing. Discuss it with him before you jump to any conclusions - figue out a way to let him know that you know. (Maybe say that a friend saw them, and you were wondering if they discussed anything in particular.)
He's the ONLY one that could tell you why he met her for coffee.
2006-12-31 08:22:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well do you think he is trying to hide this from you?? If so tell him you know --don't play a game that could get out of hand--besides that way he can explain just how it all came about--I don't think that it's a bad thing to RUN into an ex and say share coffee or lunch--and say catch up on common friends you might share--but I would be maybe unnerved if it were set up such as phone calls made etc..I personally am friends with my ex husband and for that matter other ex boyfriends--I don't go out of my way or make excuses to see them or talk to them--for example--a boyfriend of 6 years was diagnosed with cancer and thought not to make it--I did in fact call him (we live 900 miles apart) and see how he was and how the treatments were going--I wanted to talk to him because we split as friends and I am still close to his daughter--it was the right thing to do --I would have felt horrible to not have called and had him pass without him knowing that I didn't care--so as long as these opposite sex relationships are on the totally friendship level I see nothing wrong--AND as long as they don't come first and interfere with your marriage--So the bottom line is if you dont want this to eat at you then confront him and get it out in the open--
2006-12-31 08:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Raven.
Additionally, I think your only concern is what the meeting consisted of. Maybe if you talk to your hubby you can find out. In any case, there is a healthy confrontation method:
1. Affirm the relationship - Let him know how you feel about him. You might remind him you are a one man woman, etc.
2. Discuss the issue - Your concern about the meeting. You are his wife, her ex-lover and current friend.
3. Discuss how you both will deal with the issue. - You of course have no problem with this, but would prefer to know when they meet so your mind doesn't run away with you.
4. Re confirm the relationship - Still his wife and still in love.
Good luck.
2006-12-31 08:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say go with ur instincts if this doesn't feel right to you, then ask him outright and confront the situation straight on. If he has nothing to hide then there should be no issue. You know your man and I bet that you can sense when something isn't right or feels off kilter/ So don't wait too long to resolve this because it will just it at you and put a strain in your relationship. Best wishes for the New Year!
2006-12-31 08:36:20 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God men are funny ........lol anyways my husband did the same thing but he talks to his ex or DID I went through his phone one day and seen his friend(a guy) in his call history alot so it dodnt concern me at first until I seen it said "joes work" now I know joe doesnt work because the subject of him got brought up a while ago in a previous conversation and my husband told me he lost his job so anyways i went on line to our phone bill and looked through it till I seen the number and looked at the call times which were like 92 min more than any man and man should be talking unless they are in some kind of intimate relationship so anywasy I went back in his phone and changed one digit of the number so that when he went to call it it would be wrong and he would just think the phone is now disconnected or sumtin and he wont ever ask me about because he thinks I dont know. So anyways my suggestion to you would be to change a digit of her phone number any # but the first three cuz hell notice that and then make a new email and email him telling him your the ex (lets call her kathy) tell him your phone is disconnected you lost it or sumtin and am ordering a new one and tell him you want to see him and have him meet you somewhere tommorow and give him a time now like 1/2 hour before the time to meet leave the house and go there. And he'll leave thinking he's going to meet kathy but instead you'll be there. And see what he has to say then. because I think its really wrong to have "girl freinds" especially ex's and especially if "your married" theres no reason why he needs to be associated with the past you cant have a future till you remove yourself from the past.
2006-12-31 09:58:52 · answer #7 · answered by C I 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that he met her and did not tell you is what I would be concerned about. Why did he not tell you?
I am mixed on the "friends of the opposite sex" issue within marriages and I believe for some people it works and for others, it's just asking for trouble. I think it's all up to those involved and if they truly have strong enough moral boundaries to make sure things don't "just happen", then it's great, but if there is even an inkling of acttraction to any part of that person that is "not kosh" then there shouldn't be friends of opposite sex.
2006-12-31 08:20:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't hold on to this. Resentment will grow. In a calm manner let him know you are aware of the meeting. Allow him to offer an explanation. Do not focus on the woman as much as the fact he did not tell you. Guilt sometimes brings out the truth. Keep in mind, never ask a question unless you are prepared to hear the answer.
2006-12-31 08:28:57 · answer #9 · answered by shoes_717 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
meeting an ex without you knowing is bad, the wife suppose to be the only close female friend a husband should have, coming from a man we always think about sex so if we take time out to spend with another women its wanting to have sex with them, really. if you ever confront him ask him why didn't you tell me, what did you have to talk to her about, if he give you a stupid answer it was a sexual feeling
2006-12-31 08:26:25 · answer #10 · answered by llg504 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋