Try to imagine what would have happened if Elizabeth Blackwell hadn't been here, there wouldn't be the achievement we have seen in girls, and women today, there wouldn't have been the right for girls to become doctors. Elizabeth Blackwell changed the medical profession for women into what we know today. Elizabeth Blackwell left a legend of opening doors for women to become doctors professionally.
2006-12-31 08:08:17 · 5 answers · asked by ღGirly Gurlღ 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
This is better:
Try to imagine what would have happened if Elizabeth Blackwell had not been here. We would not see the same achievements in girls and women today, such as the right for girls to become doctors. Elizabeth Blackwell changed the medical profession for women into what we know today, opening the doors of the field to women everywhere.
2006-12-31 08:15:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, some parts are correct and some aren't. Let me try to rephrase it for you without changing the basic meaning. "Try to imagine what would have happened if Elizabeth Blackwell had never been born. If it weren't for her work, women today would probably still be unable to become doctors. That would mean a world without the many achievements of women in the medical profession that we know today. Blackwell's legacy of opening doors for women in the medical field continues to live on.
2006-12-31 08:25:35 · answer #2 · answered by Prue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds fine... I dont believe the grammar is correct though...
maybe...
Try to imagine what would have happened if E B hadn't been -where? maybe you should directly state the place -. (Without her) there would not be the same achievements seen in women today. If it wasnt for E B's change in the medical profession, women may not recieved the right to become doctors. E B left a legend and opened doors for women seeking to become professional doctors.
Thats how I would write it... I think your paragraph is fine.
If this is a conclusion I would add more detail and explain what you are saying further.
If this is an introductory paragraph - I would explain the body paragraphs or at least semi-introduce them
Also, quotations are never a bad thing.
2006-12-31 08:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you repeated ELizabeth Blackwell too many times and the first sentence is waaaaaay to long. divide it into shorter sentences. otherwise it's good
2006-12-31 09:09:36 · answer #4 · answered by jdhfaldf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the other people answered are correct. Also, remove your contractions (change wouldn't to would not) and remove the first person point of view (we). I am assuming you will use these sentences for a paragraph; if so, teachers tend to score you higher for using more formal language (no contractions, use third person pov, etc). Hope that helps :)
2006-12-31 09:14:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋