How do you deal with this type of person?

Question

You are talking to a person about an issue that affects the two of you.
The person twists anything and everything you say. You make an attempt to explain what your true meaning is or was so they will have a better understanding of what your perspective is.
They still twist what you have said, accuse you of saying something else that has nothing to do with the issue, or take a small part of what you have said and then try to make it an issue.
Anyone have a good strategy for dealing with people who behave like this? If so what was the most effective strategy you used?
Where do you think this behavior comes from?

Answer 1

Look at them in the eyes, shake your head, and walk away. It will shut them up. They sound very controlling.

Answer 2

I find that steady logic helps, especially if there are other people around. Also, start predicting the ways that they are about to misconstrue you. If they won't listen to you, then you can at least make them look like an idiot.
People like this will usually never listen to a thing that anyone has to say unless it's coming out of their own mouth. It's a real shame.
We'd have world peace if everyone would just take a deep breath , listen to what is being said, imagine it from both points of view and then work together to find a solution that benefits all.

Answer 3

Well it's the whole golden rule of do to others as you'd like them to do to you, right? So, if you want them to listen to you and I mean really listen to you, you should do the same for them.

Listen to all that they have to say - even if you don't agree with what they are currently saying. Chances are, they probably think you're twisting their words as well.

After they're done talking, you can say "Okay, I listened to you now please listen to me." And then state how it is that you feel. Remember that if you really want to get a problem to be solved, you will focus on the PROBLEM and not the person. Therefore, take care not to blame the other person for everything.

Also remember that you have two ears but only one mouth so listen twice as much as you talk. It would be impossible for the other person to twist what you are saying if you're not saying anything. Also, if you're not insulting them by blaming them, they won't have a need to become defensive and hence, twist what you're saying.

If you really want to solve the problem but the person isn't meeting you halfway despite repeated tries on your part, that person is no longer worth your time. There really isn't anything you can do past that point.

Anyway, that's how I would deal with that type of a person.

Answer 4

omg... you've been talking to my mother.!!!!

seriously people like this are the absolutley most difficult to talk anything through with...

I had to learn to make short statements, dont explain too much.. just really make it short and simple.. easy to understand hard to alter or change..

like if I wanted to get the person to hear that something they said really hurt me I learnt not to relate the situation to anything else... just simply say... :When you said.......... It hurt my feelings..

Dont elaborate and tell them too much... short simple and too the point... even if you are certain that more information is relevant... honestly more information is really just more ammunition for them...

for example an ex-partner during an argument lifted his hands up in a threatening way as though he would choke me...

I started off by telling him how frightened that made me then explained how I had actually once been choked and how dreadful that was and he got all het up about how could I possibly compare him to someone like that.... and did I not know how much he loved me and cared for me and it was just a sign of frustration on his part and obviously I was in need of more long term counselling to help me deal with my awful past experience and really maybe he should leave me since I was obviously such a mess.........and I ended up three days later feeling like I was an overly sensitive female who had wronged my man so badly by comparing him so negatively... and took myself off to counselling to discover with the help of my counsellor that no I was not nuts... no I was not in need of muc more counselling than it would take to provide me with some structured support while I extricated myself from this controlling and manipulating relationship.....


Sooooooooo the upshot is...

keep it short keep it simple and do not explain..

if I had simply stuck to the subject at hand and repeated simply that his actions were frightening and threatening.... and stck to that then I would have seen so much sooner that it was indeed him that was the problem..

Answer 5

It looks like a defensive or a pre-emptive mechanism. That person might be viewing you as an accuser or as someone that is trying to be superior.

While it is very difficult to swallow, a lot of reactions we get from people depend on how we approach them as well as how they perceive us. It will take a good amount of effort from you to convince the other person that you are not intending to belittle, but to communicate and share.

Good luck !!!!

Answer 6

Wow this sounds exactly like teh conversation i had two nights ago. I said something, and they turned it into something else. I was getting so fruturated. They best you can do is say "Alright, I am talking my time to tell you this, my opinion etc. This is what it is. If you make omething else out of it, thats your problem. If they STILL do that, then say "I told you want i meant, and im not explaining it anymore. If you dont get it, or if you want to turn it into something else, thats your problem now."
Viola

Answer 7

I think the person feels insecure. Maybe he has other issues where he feels out of control and he tries to take control in where he can.
Now, how can you deal with it. Maybe it would be good to encourage this person, show love and approve what he says eventhough he is accusative. if nothing works, the best may be to avoid this person.

Answer 8

People with healthy self esteem do not need to justify or explain every word they say and they do not need to twist the words of others to make themselves feel right. Even if you dislike my answer, meditate on it, please. You can't change others, only yourself. How can you change, or what can you change? It is your life, and your spiritual lessons. Good luck and have a Happy New Year.

Answer 9

It depends on your relationship with the person. Just try to clearly and calmly respond to all of their twists and keep repeating the original point until they acknowledge it and understand. I think they would be using this to make you annoyed.

Answer 10

It is in this persons nature to argue .People like that always believe that they are right and will not admit when they are wrong.The best way to get along is just do`nt waste your time trying to talk to them,they will never listen to you.