On christmas eve I had my baby and her name is Antoinette, and I'm only 13 and my mom is trying to get me too put her up for adoption.. and I want to keep her but idk if can handle all of the work! anyone else that has been in this situation please help! and no one post stupid things like i shouldnt have gotten pregnant in the first place. trust me I already know that.
2006-12-31 07:52:00 · 25 answers · asked by csi_sanders_lover8 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
My mom is concerned that I wont give enough attention to the baby and that she wont have a good childhood.. and shes worried about my grades too. Both my parents think that I should give it up for adoption..
2006-12-31 08:01:20 · update #1
the father.. well he doesnt even know I havent seen him since.
2006-12-31 08:25:57 · update #2
Hunny, it is going to be VERY hard for you to raise a baby on your own. Is the dad in the picture? Does your family support your decision? You need to follow what you feel in your heart. You already gave your baby the best gift in the world...LIFE. It is going to be one of the HARDEST decision you are ever going to make. You honestly need to talk to your family and decide what is going to be best for the baby. Good luck.
2006-12-31 07:58:33 · answer #1 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm an adoption social worker and I'm also expecting my second child soon. I think you should contact an agency anonymously (use *67) and ask to talk to a social worker about giving the baby to a loving home. Get the facts and hang up if you want to.
I know you love your daughter, but you REALLY need to ask yourself if you can give her a good life. You are 13 years old, a child yourself, how can you be a mother? Your mom isn't going to support you...what is best for HER, not you.
That is what makes a mom a mom...willing to have her heart ripped out to give her child the best chance at life.
I was 30, married and well off when I had my first and the pressure nearly did me in...I really don't see how a 13 year old, on her own can handle it. Yes, you can get food stamps and financial aid, you can live in section 8 housing, you can raise your child with the help of the system and social workers,and your child can have second, third, fourth hand everything.
Or, your child can be adopted by a loving family, with a mommy and a daddy, and have better than you ever did or imagined.
No one can force you to do anything, but think of your baby. In your heart of hearts, what do YOU think is best for her. If it is staying with you, then do that. If it is going to a more stable home, do that.
I can assure you that all the horror stories you hear about adopted baby's are CRAP...I have 15 loving couples who would provide a child with a great life. Newborns do not wind up in orphanages, and parents are screened very well.
Good luck to you and USE PROTECTION......don't make this mistake again...also, be sure of what you are going to do....don't hold out hope to some couple out there and get them attached to your baby only to change your mind....that is the cruelest thing ever.
2006-12-31 16:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by jm1970 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult situation. But I can relate, I had a baby when I was very young as well, (I am now 33) and I did decide to place him for adoption. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but also the best thing I ever did. I chose to do an open adoption and that way I got to chose which family my baby went to! That helped a lot. Also the attorney I used provided me with extensive therapy to help me through the process.
Now this is a very personal decision, once you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I now have 3 children and I can tell you that if you chose to raise this baby you will have to give up your social life, your after school activities, maybe even school. It is not like having a doll, so think hard. By placing the baby for adoption you will be giving the baby a better chance at life AND giving you another chance at life too.
Either choice you make I hope that your family will support you.
Good luck Sweetie.
2006-12-31 16:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by meow 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are right. there is NO WAY you can financially support this child at 13 which means either you are getting welfare or you parents are taking care of all of the bills. That really isn't their job, they shouldn't be saddled with raising your child for you. You have school to complete which of course isn't giving that time and attention to your child and no doubt you hang with your friends, or will soon enough leaving your mother and father to tend to YOUR responsiblity. It's not that you shouldn't have gotten pregnant...it's that you shouldn't have had sex to begin with since you are far too young to be responsible for the consequences. Not only have you done irreparible harm to your own life but now you want to do the same to that of an innocent baby. Sounds pretty selfish to me. This isn't a dolly you can put away on a shelf when you get bored of playing with it. I doubt very much if you can handle all of the work not to mention the whining and crying, illnesses constant diaper changes, bottles being awaked in the middle of the night, days and nights of not getting any sleep at all, no social life. But the baby up for adoption that would be the CARING UNselfish thing to do for the child IF you had any love for the child.
2006-12-31 16:16:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one can force you to give your baby to anyone else so long as you are a fit mother. If you're being pressured to, you need to find out why. If you're concerned with the responsibilities of handling a baby all by yourself, you need to see if there are ways to get help, or if adoption will ultimitaly be the best option for you. There are many adoption methods, and one might even work for you. Otherwise, if you choose to keep your baby, keep in mind that they are a ton of work and you will have to sacrifice quite a bit in order to give her a good life. Take some time to think about what you really want to do before you make your decision. Ask some open-minded people in your life to help you consider your options.
2006-12-31 15:56:58 · answer #5 · answered by chamely_3 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
being only 13 you have to know you need your families support. I understand how you do not want to give up your baby but can you provide for her. You may be able to get public assistance but your 13 you can't even get a job yet so how are you going to get clothes and such for her. I see you probably are trying to put her best interests but you will soon be a teenager and wanting to go out learning to drive and such and at 16 your going to be taking care of a 3yr old and 18 a 5yr old and 21 a 8yr old. Did you know there are alot of very loving families out there who would love to have a child but just can't. Maybe you could get a adoption agency where you could pick the family and then have a open adoption where you would get pictures and such. Good luck and I hope you make the best desicion for you and your sweet baby.
2006-12-31 18:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
adaoption is the alternative when you know you cannot give that baby a better life than an adoptive parent that has more options. do you think, at 13, you can give a baby a better life than an adoptive parent that has a steady job and all the resources to give your child a better life? that is up to you. but remember that you can still get homeschooled, even though that is an extra burden that i am sure your parents never intended having. financially physically and emotionally. it is tough being a young parent. you cant even get a good paying job and even then you would have to pay for daycare. think of things like that. what is done is done and you have to move on from there.
2006-12-31 17:08:30 · answer #7 · answered by Hurray for the ANGELS! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well your mom does know you better than anybody else. Don't be selfish in making that decision. Yeah babies are cute and they smell good but they are a lot of work. They require lots of financial and emotional support and if you can't give that then find someone who can. Remember your mom is the one who will be paying her bills not you. Even if you get WIC and Medicaid taxpayers are still footing the bill not you. Take that into consideration first. Theres lots of people out there that would love to have a baby and can't. They would love your child and give her all she needs. You need to finish high school and hopefully college. Do you have some sort of plan? Think it over first.
2006-12-31 16:45:44 · answer #8 · answered by Kennedy & Kevin's mommy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your only 13 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you. You still have so much you have to experience, so much fun you still have to have.
A baby needs all your time and attention.
I know it would be really hard to give your baby up for adoption but since your so young, it just might be the best thing to do.
You might be able to find a certain adoption agency that will let you keep in touch with your baby even though you have given up your rights to her.
There are so many women that can't have babies that have always wanted one. You might also be able to be involved with you actually gets your baby. You can pick the parents. It might be easier knowing just who has your baby and knowing that she will have a good home with loving parents.
It is something to think about.
2006-12-31 16:01:50 · answer #9 · answered by Tired-Mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a personal question, and one that you will ultimately have to decide for yourself. I only hope I can help a little. I am not going to tell you what to do, because like I said, you will eventually have to make the decision that is right for you. While you are only 13 years old, you still (more than likely) probably posses the natural maternal instinct to care for the child you gave birth to. So, what you have to seriously think about, is whether or not you are capable (both financially, and emotionally) of caring for another human being. If you come to the conclusion that you are not capable, then it would be better for your daughter to grow up in a place where there are people who can provide for her. If you are capapble, then by all means, keep her.
But, like I said. This is a decision that you will have to make for yourself. I can't make it for you, and neither can anyone on this website. Good luck to you and your daughter both.
2006-12-31 16:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by mega_byte_me2005 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about what is best for the baby and not just what you want. Can you afford this baby? Can you take care of this baby with out requiring your parents to do most of the job? It sucks to give up a child hood but think what the maybe will be going with out when she has a 13 year old as a mother. And where is the father?
2006-12-31 16:21:16 · answer #11 · answered by erin c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋