I cannot get to grips with this?

Question

I have suffered so much stress, worry, and fear, when my son was in Iraq. My worst nightmare, was he would be killed (pretty natural). My nightmare came half true, when i got a call, to say he was involved in an ambush on his convoy, and fellow squaddies were maimed. My son took shrapnell in his eye, eight bullets in his vehicle (he was driving) and was breaking down, but he was ALIVE. He returned home, now suffering ptsd, serious mental trauma, saw his colleagues shot up. I have been told today, one of my best friends, from years gone by, has had her son killed in Iraq. I feel devastated, i cannot pull myself together, new year or not, i am so gutted. Please help! Is this a normal reaction, or just she has realised my worst nightmare, and i cannot comprehend her pain?

Answer 1

Shalama i am so happy for you that your son is alive. I dread to think what you must have gone through. My thoughts are with you and your friend. Stand by her and support her. I wish you , your son and your friend all the strenght in the world. Take care.

Answer 2

Your posting is quite timely because I think at this time of year it is easy for us to forget that there are families up and down the country whose sons, daughters, fathers and mothers are not with them this year because they are in active service. As a parent I understand entirely the stress and fear for your child's safety but, just as you cannot comprehend the suffering of your friend, I cannot comprehend how you must be feeling tonight. All I can do is offer you my sympathy for your friend's loss and my sincere pleasure that your son has returned to you.

Do not be too hard on yourself - we cannot know the reasons for the tragedies that befall some families and not others. All we can do is be there to support each other and give some time to our feelings. I think you should consider telling your GP how you are feeling as you are perhaps being overwhelmed by emotions at the moment, For your son's sake, you may need to try to remain strong but you cannot do it on your own. Talk to your family and friends about how you are feeling and make an appointment to see the GP after the New Year.

I wish you and your son all the very best for 2007.

Answer 3

I would say both yourself and your son are having normal reactions to trauma. That's not to say it isn't going to be very painful and difficult to get through this, but I'm sure you will. What support is your son being offered, he should get counselling for PTSD I hope the military is offering him this, it is a very well recognised condition. If he's not getting offered any support, his GP should be able to refer him to a counsellor. He will get through this time, although he will always be affected by the things he has seen and done.

You are grieving for the things your son has experienced and been through and are also having a reaction to the news of a friend's son being killed which was your worst nightmare, in a sense you are also suffering from trauma. If you feel you need extra help or if you find you're not sleeping you can go to your GP and ask for counselling for yourself too.

Above all, keep communicating with your son, make sure he knows how much you love him, and surround yourselves with people who can support you both.

I hope 2007 brings you both happiness and security. xx

Answer 4

Everyone deals with tragedies in their own way. Most of the time is just too much to handle & over whelming & so blinding. Not a clear thought in your head. Now would be a good time to go to grief cancelor. Not that they can tell you anything on how to get to grips of all the nightmare but to guide you through the process. It really does wonders to talk about it. Even to a stranger who will listen.

I hope you have spport of family & friends and perhaps, the councelor.

Right now you aren't thinking right, acting right, or in your normal mind. You have been thrown off kilter by both the condition your son came home in and hearing that a friend has lost her son and you are having torn emotions.

You need to take care of yourself so you can help your son deal with trama Sorry, about your friends son, that is a tradagy. Maybe reading all the email you are going to get will help.

Blessings .

Answer 5

awww, how sad. Just remember that there are all kinds of people that feel for you and your friend and of course the heroes that you are talking about. Try and be strong. I know that is hard to do, and I do think that this is a normal reaction. A persons heart can only handle so much sorrow, and you are evidently feeling it to the fullest extent. I wish you, your son, and your friend relief from this terrible pain that your feeling. Please dont listen or let the idiots on here upset you any further. I just read through some of them, and there was the one guy that doesnt seem to have a heart at all. I wish you the best, and if you feel that you need professional help, then please go get it. I'll be thinking of you.!!

Answer 6

Nothing i can say will ever make you feel better about any of this. The way you are feeling is totally normal, i should imagine any parent, brother, sister, child with a loved one at war is feeling the same way.
As the saying goes, "time is a great healer", you cannot change past events but you can try to make the future brighter. Your biggest priority should be to help your son to heal, both physically and mentally. Be there for your friend and help bear her grief and pain. Don't feel guilty for feeling like you do, you need to get these emotions out.

Answer 7

It's normal what you are going though and probably need to talk to a professional about this to get you through this troubling time. Take comfort in the fact that you did not have to bury your son as your best friend has had to do. I deeply feel for you this could not have been easy for you. You have had to deal with the biggest fear any parent has had to deal with and that's fear for your child's life. Good luck to you in the following year. Your son is home now and safe rejoice in this matter and help him on the road to his recovery ptsd is a nightmare all on its own and he will need tons of support.

Answer 8

By gutted, do you mean empty?

I cannot possibly imagine your pain, let alone your friend's pain.

But perhaps you are in an ideal place to help your friend; to *really* be there for her in a way that will help her most now?
Of course I have no way of knowing this, but I do know that when you are empty that the best way to feel alive again is to give to others. If you can be there for her, hold her while she cries, help her remember her son, maybe even help her plan a personal memorial to her son, maybe that will help her. And you seeing her move (however slowly) through her pain will certainly help you feel needed and important - because you certainly will be.

Good luck to your son. Good luck to you and please send a thank you to your friend from me. Her sacrifice was MUCH too great, but I for one appreciate what she gave for me.

Answer 9

Sounds like a normal reaction to me. Get your son the best help you can for ptsd. He's alive but you want him well and to stay that way and ptsd doesn't just go away. I hope things improve. In the midst of all this, what's new year...

Answer 10

Prayers are with you. I am also in the Army Natioanl Guard, though have not been deploye to Iraq. My brother spent a year there and returned safe. Time will help heal.

I've been prescribed Paxil for anxiety, and I know some people are using this for PTSD also. Keeps me mellow.

God bless