Ok my husband and i have been married since Aug 04. we have a 1 year old son. we split up last Jan b/c of his controlling ways, and his verbal and physical abuse. He went to councelling and I decided to give it another chance. I am not happy. I want to move back to my own place. He is not as bad as he was but he talks harshly to me and the kids. (he has 2 from prev marriage and I have 1) He says things that are just mean and hurtful --like calling my daughter fat and saying she needs to just wear sweats. I dont want my daughter to think thats ok cause its not. I told him i want a separation 2 nights ago and he turned on his nice guy act and said that that wasnt happening b/c he loved me too much and he wants us to be together. I know its only a matter of time before the same old stuff happens again. I want out but I dont want him to do something stupid like last time and try to kill himself. I also dont want my son taken away b/c im the one that "gave up" on our marriage.
2006-12-31 06:50:29 · 8 answers · asked by Miranda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Congratulations on having the courage to leave the first time. You knew then it was the right choice and I believe you know now that it is also. Verbal abuse and insulting talk to you and your children weighs heavily on the human spirit and self-esteem. Your daughter will not think highly of herself if she is repeatedly insulted by her father. And, you know where that leads..she'll marry a guy just like dad! Do you want that for her.? I don't think you do. You sound level headed and courageous and smart! Don't fall for the nice guy act, we can all turn that on at one time or another. One question though? Why would your son be taken away from you?
Do what's best for your children is what I say...and you all need counseling. Best Wishes.
2006-12-31 06:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is an old saying that my grandpa used to say, and that is "A Leopard cannot change his spots". Once a leopard, always a leopard.
The same goes for a person that is controlling and abusive. They just change tactics.....They are also excellent manipulators.
It takes years of therapy and counseling to help a person realize the type of person they are, and then it's up to them to try to change. Most of them don't stop going to therapy, because they DO want to change, and they DO accept their issues and responsibility's.
I don't know why you would hold yourself responsible for him taking his own life. Sounds to me like he is manipulating you, playing on the guilt you would probably feel. You don't have any control over him taking his own life. It's not your fault he is the one making that decision.
Also, I don't know why you would lose custody of your son when you divorced him. Is that what he told you??? And you believed him??? Women divorce their husbands everyday because of this type of thing happening, and they don't lose custody of their children....
Educate yourself....What are your options? Stand up for yourself and your son. You're not doing your son any favors by staying in a relationship that is abusive towards you.....
2006-12-31 15:07:30 · answer #2 · answered by Susan M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may change but he needs to WANT to change! I am married to a man for 28 years and we use to fight sooo bad and stuff but it was basically alcohol induced fighting and our kids started showing the emotional toll it took on them- my daughter tried to kill herself our son kept getting in trouble with the law etc.. and my husband got picked up for Drinking & driving like 5 times in a 10 year timespan after all that he changed and we are together- maybe not happy all the time but we are together till death do us part!
2006-12-31 15:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by buffster06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an unstable man you are with. I would definitely be getting out of that situation pronto! They will just sweet talk you because they don't want to change and they never will. Sounds like he better stay with the counseling sessions.
2006-12-31 15:33:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband has problems within himself that pro badly existed before your time. When a man disrespects my child and hits me, that's enough for me to say its over. You deserve better. If he threatens to kill himself tell his family , let them deal with him. You should move on. You don't have to settle for this kind of treatment.
2006-12-31 15:13:42 · answer #5 · answered by Monique 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a good lawyer and file for divorce. If he verbally or physically threatens you, call the police.
2006-12-31 14:54:46 · answer #6 · answered by Joe Prosnick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the first guy said.
But seriously...you answered your own question...things aren't going to change...move on...it's hard but it's a part of life. Good luck.
2006-12-31 14:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by WYL2TMP 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say go bisexual it has always worked for me
2006-12-31 14:52:33 · answer #8 · answered by John B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋