OK...I need advice. I was married to a guy in August of 03. After deciding that we just weren't compatible, I

Question

decided to have an affair. I took total responsibility for it. We divorced in early 2006. We remained friends & we had 2 kids together from the marriage. We decided to remarry this November. Ok.. here it comes. Please don't tell me to get therapy because I am in process of doing that actually. I have impulse control issues, depression, borderline stuff, etc.. ok. I believe I am a lesbian. And I don't say that because of my mental illness, but I have always been very attracted to females & when my husband & I were divorced, I was with a woman for the first time. I have since supressed those urges but they are coming back. Strongly. I don't want to have another affair because it's WRONG. I love my husband though. He won't allow me to have a girlfriend which is understandable. Our sex life is non-existant. I have no idea how long I can let things go on like this. I feel so empty inside sometimes. Does anyone have any reasonable advice? I can use anything at this point...Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

My advice would be that you should find a way to live your life in a way that you can be true to yourself. You shouldn't have to hide or suppress your sexuality. At the same time, I'd recommend that you take your time. Be sure about who you are and what you want before you make huge, life-altering decisions. Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

When you say incompatible, I suspect you mean in the sex area but that can be overcome by doing something different to start that up again. There are supposedly some born as homosexual or lesbian but often that is because of the satisfaction and not necessarily love. I have known several lesbians but they were that way because that is where they got the strongest sexual satisfaction - I once knew a woman who claimed to be able to turn any woman into a lesbian, and she could because she knew from a woman's point of view how to bring the most pleasure.
On the other hand, the girl who was a partner to Ellen Degenerous - I can't recall her name offhand - left eh lesbian life married and has had two children and is in a great marriage.
Get a copy of the kama sutra and do those together, find out if he is willing to do oral sex on you, and you may find that subconsciously it is the increased sexual satisfaction you felt with a woman that is the cause of that and it is something you can get past if the two of you can find a way to get that satisfaction from him

Answer 3

Why why Why did you remarry? YOu were with a woman before you remarried....you KNEW then what you were feeling. Being in a marriage and loving someone else is tough. Although, you didn't mention being in love with a female, only that you feel you are lesbian. For whatever reason it seems to me that you are trying to escape being content in a marriage. Whether you are immature, curious, and all of those other things you mentioned, skipping out on this marriage won't lead you to happiness. That's just my opinion from the facts that you've given here. Sexuality can be confusing, but you married and had kids and thought you were heterosexual until when? Until you had one sex experience with a female.....? That does not make you lesbian. Think. Think. Think. before you leave again and cause more confusion to those poor kids.

Answer 4

Emptiness is something you can live through. Try to find something positive to put in its place. Perhapps you are attracted to the same sex and that is ok. It does not conclusively mean you are strictly a lesbian. I guess what I am saying is that it seems like you feel you're in a corner with no option but to leave and become a lesbian. The truth is that you've put yourself in a corner. Consider ALL of your options and remember the choices you make do not have to be one or the other. I think it's ok to have your cake and eat it too.

Answer 5

you should get divorced and live the life you know you want to live. it's ok to be with a woman if that's what'll make you fulfilled. If your life is honest and fulfilled you'll be a better mother and a better role model then a woman who is living a lie. It always becomes apparent that you're living a lie at some point. You're kids will respect you more in the future if you take control of your life. and give your husband an opportunity to have what he deserves as well- a woman who honestly loves him.

Answer 6

I easily have consistently had the therory that many adult men marry even as they're "waiting" - some adult men in no way marry - conserving out for the "dream female". Others favor to marry in the present day, and merely about any female round who's suitable will do. (and could they divorce, the subsequent human being who comes alongside will artwork merely wonderful). a good number of adult men concentration on their careers and delay marriage - therfore the perfect female might want to be there all alongside - inspite of the indisputable fact that it does not count number - they don't look to be waiting - so she will be able to not be considered right now, as marriage isn't contained in the playing cards today - they're going to be waiting for it even as they're waiting for it - be that 5 or 15 years from now. And if that female has moved on, nicely somebody else will be there, received't she? fortunately, not ALL adult men are like this - many are real romantics who fall in love before everything sight and bypass for the hearts & plant life and all that too. inspite of the indisputable fact that, i stumble upon that an undesirable lot of adult men are merely like the above bunch. I tell my girlfriends who favor to get married, that the "secret" is merely to be round one even as he's contained in the mood to do it - and it frequently works. it truly is my opinion - take what you'll of it, or none...

Answer 7

Wow. Well, you're doing the right thing by going to therapy, however, I really think you need to explore these feelings that you're having for females. If you're a lesbian you're living a lie and it's not going to be a good marriage for anyone, MOST of all the kids. A non-loving marriage is worse than being broken apart . . .

Good luck.

Answer 8

Sometimes love just isn't enough and just because you love someone doesn't mean they are the right person for you. Ask yourself if you really want to marry this guy, feeling how your feel. How can you ever make it work if you feel that way?

Answer 9

You are probably making eveyone miserable. Get divorced, live your life and let everyone else live theirs. Includes your kids. They sense something isn't right.