my wife had been cheating on me.it took me by surprise when i got to know.i never thought this would happen.my job involves a lot of traveling.when i got back home last week i was taken by surprise to see my wife with another man.i have asked for a divorce but,she says she is very sorry and that it would never happen again.it is the first time in 7 years that we have had a problem.i am too fond of her but,am feeling betrayed and angry.what should i do?
2006-12-31 05:41:10 · 16 answers · asked by rao d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
time for her too hit the road move on
2006-12-31 05:51:46 · answer #1 · answered by moco 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How do you know its the first time? You have got a big trust issue on your hands now my friend. I know you love her, but "Iam sorry" is not enough. If the two of you want to make the relationship work and it will be work, you need some professional help, to sort things out, you need to be angry, you need all of your questions answered. She needs to be accountable for everything from now on , if she can handle it. She can not get mad at you. There is NEVER a GOOD reason for CHEATING. don't let her try to blame you. The problems in the marriage ARE shared. The cheating is all on her. Bottom line.......Do you want to work on what you thought you had? or start again with someone new?
2006-12-31 06:07:35 · answer #2 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it comes with it will never happen again, and if it does she will leave with only her clothing then you can consider a second chance.
Given the remorse and promise of a new found fidelity she deserves ONE second chance.
The damage is done the hurt is inflicted. You cannot change that. At least give her the opportunity to make it up to you or prove she is not worthy of you. You cannot change the past now. You might as well take advantage of the payback sex.
2006-12-31 06:01:44 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in general men are actually more forgiving for this for some reason. at this point i would get to the bottem of it whats going on in her life i know you travel and i also know there are pleanty of men who have been in iraq for a long period of time who have wifes at home and im sure some may but most are holding out for thier man to get home. at which point i think you will know exactly how to resolve this problem with her and if you honestly feel you could live your life without her then move on. sometimes something like this can bring the two of you closer though you may find a tighter love if you can grow from it the pain will always be there it has been for me but i think as time goes on it heals.
2006-12-31 06:06:11 · answer #4 · answered by Jeff B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being drunk doesn't matter, it's not a good enough excuse. there really is no excuse. plus you two live together as well? ouch. i believe you would be finding another place to stay if you were my girlfriend. the only thing that is going to help your situation is patience, time and effort. you're going to have to be patient. why? because you've messed with your boyfriend's feelings. feelings aren't just something that can be turned on and turned off very easily. you are going to need time, because it's just common decency. this also relates to yours and his feelings. effort, now effort might be the biggest one of the three. there's going to have to be some form of effort on your part to show him that you know you messed up. your apologizing doesn't mean much right now. technically those are just words and they don't mean very much. words are very easy to say, so easy in fact that anyone can say them. think about it, what you did the other night with your friend was an "action." actions always speak louder than words. always. your actions say that you only care about yourself. your words say different. when someone's words do not match up with their actions, trouble is bound to present itself. patience, time and effort are your best friends at the moment. consider yourself lucky to still have somewhere to live and the fact that he's apparently still with you. you've devalued him through your actions. you want him to still value you don't you? well that's not very fair. if he was smart, he wouldn't have anything to do with you anymore. best wishes to you.
2016-05-22 23:56:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u are going to be hurt and angry for awhile, but if u decide to give her another chance basing it on her remorse, focus on repairing the marriage, get some therapy for u and her. give her this one chance only, set boundaries also, make it crystal clear what will happen if it happens again, and u must be prepared to follow through with it, and show no mercy for the second offense. forgiveness comes in steps, doesn't happen overnight, just have to be patient and she needs to be open with u and honest. good luck. and don't leave home or sleep apart.
2006-12-31 13:30:29 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she has to sleep in her own room. At least for a while. Remember the women used to make us sleep on the couch, now you know why.. You need space, time and solitude to make a decision of what to do. Please, do not use your heart to make a decision, that what got you confused in the first place. If you career is designed to make you travel, then why cant she either compromise and go with you? At least some of the time, or transfer to another department within your company. But, if it were I, I would sleep with her best g/f, or sister. Yeah, I am that vindictive.
2006-12-31 05:57:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really a matter of opinion. To me once caught in a cheat it would be over. You say this is the first time. but how do you know? Maybe its just the first time you have caught her at it?
Sorry but in my eyes once a cheat always a cheat and I would not be able to trust again.
But we each have to make our own choices on this one, only you can decide whats best for your family and if it is worth another shot.
2006-12-31 05:54:37 · answer #8 · answered by just_trump_my_ace 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is totally up to you. I believe she deserves a 2nd chance though it would be very hard to trust her that much again. You've seen it happen and you will end up paranoid at times. She must do something to cope with it. She's at fault anyways. That is, if she loves you that much.
2006-12-31 06:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the first time she has been caught cheating on you. Most likely it has happened before. It will happen again, almost certainly......"Once a cheater, always a cheater!" Move on, get your divorce, and enjoy your life......without wondering every time you leave if she's going to cheat again.
2006-12-31 05:53:53 · answer #10 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Moving on is easy but to face it like a man it`s difficult.Ask ourshelf whether it`s worth staying ,can you let it go if not try to find a solution.everything and anything have a solution
2007-01-04 04:59:04 · answer #11 · answered by Ken H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋