Husband comes home from working hard but expects to be looked after at home?

Question

All i ask of him these days is that he clear away his own cups and plates etc and puts his rubbish in the bin. The only thing he does if im lucky is to put his dinner plate in the dishwasher. Usually there is rubbish left lying on the table and his glass. By his bed there can be a pile up of empty bottles of coke or cartons of juice and of course at least one of his coffee mugs(there would be more but im the mug who takes them away) and not forgetting his pile of dirty clothes that he leaves throughout the house...BUT god forbid i havent cleaned his work clothes or he doesnt have clean socks, if it wasnt for me they would be piled up at the side of his bed also!!
I know what you are all gonna say...stop moaning but seriously im fed up with feeling like a servant in this house. I only want him to lend a hand with small things as i do the rest, i dont think im asking too much!!
Im having a rant coz im seeing another whole year of this and no change!!!!
Who else feels the same?

I used to work full time and then i was home fulltime for around 6 months, i am now back working 3 days a week. I dont have a problem doing the bulk of the housework but we will have children in the near future hopefully and i dont want it to continue like he is an another child to look after.

I am leaving his things where they are but i have done that before also and in the end i moved them. Difference is im more pissed off that i have ever been before so maybe he will get the hint. Men might not be able to read minds but even when told they dont listen!!

He is so bad that the other day i left for work at 5am and he didnt move from bed all day and didnt feed out poor dogs!!!!

Im amazed at peoples attitudes. It seems to make a huge difference if im at home full time!! Surely that doesnt give him the right to leave things at his backside? not put the empty coke bottle in the bin? LITTLE THINGS is all im looking for. I dont hound him for it. I do hound him to rest properly if he comes home late and is starting again in the morning. I take care of him(massage his sore feet many times) and the house but thankfully there are a few sensible women out there who do believe it isnt asking too much.

John W..If you are telling the truth then you just married the wrong woman!! You sound amazing!!

Hey Rosie, I bet your hubby really loves you!! and if you had taken time to read what i have written so far then you would no im asking very little of him. Concerning his wages, he also has the affliction known as padlock pockets!!! Thanks for your supportive attitude though..NOT

Answer 1

You say you do everything else? He's obviously used to you doing it all.Try going away and leaving him home alone for a week, yes, it will become a mess, but then he'll see just how much you do when it's not getting done, maybe he'll even clean up his own mess before you get home or help you after you return. Then hopefully he'll be more cooperative when you ask him for just a little help. This will also give you a much needed break and make him appreciate you more. Good Luck! =)

Answer 2

The one piece of information missing is Do You Have A Job Outside the Home? If so then you are totally right and he needs to get a clue.

If you don't it's a little different. Not that he shouldn't help out. And not that you are his servant. But if this is the case, then the home is your job and try to resent him a little less. You yourself said he works hard.

I try to find a middle ground with my guy. Although he does a lot of the things you describe... he meets me in the middle in other ways. We never have to pay a repairman as he fixes everything when it breaks, or knows someone who can. He likes to cook so I am more than happy to let him take that on. I never have to pay for car repair or maintenance as he takes care of that. He takes all the garbage out every time. And once a week he mops the floor. Which is a big job as our house is entirely tiled and it kills my back, so i really appreciate that he does this.

It's funny cuz in one way, it seems like they don't care if their environment is completely trashed, but I find that when the house is clean, he's happier, he likes it. He just doesn't want to do it. I don't want to do it either lol. But it's a partnership... and if i'm not working i guess i feel like it's part of the deal.

Obviously if you work as well, it's a different story. When I was working it was an issue for us, and he agreed to have a housekeeper come once a week. It was only 30$ and it was great to come home to a clean floor and kitchen and bathroom. Worth every penny. If you can afford it I highly recommend this option.

Happy New Year!!!

Answer 3

Regardless of if you work outside the home or not. You are talking about things that any child can do for themselves.

I will NOT do any laundry unless it is seperated and placed in the proper bin. You dont put it in a bin, then it piles up where you put it and you have nothing to wear.

The problem from the past is that it apears you said this and then picked it up anyway. Tell him where it needs to go if he wants it washed and if its just left dropped on the floor anyway, you have to leave it there. He may fuss but when hes out of underwear he will go pick it up and put it where it goes, and just tell him this is the way it is, If its not placed in the bin I will not wash it.

I understand that as a stay at home mom the house is your responsibility. BUT there is difference between chores for the house and picking up after a lazy man, and as long as you continue to do it, he will continue to just throw it on the floor.

Draw a line, and leave it lay. For the bottles and cans try placing a trash can right by his bed and telling him he needs to take it out when it gets full.

You are a housewife not a servant or slave. He is doing things that any 6 year old knows better than to do and it needs to be addressed.

Answer 4

Talk to him. Tell it to him in a way that would matter to him. "Hey, I luv you and all but don't really feel sexy when I gotta do this stuff too. I know you been working hard, but so have I and if you can do these little things heck it can only improve in the bedroom." yada yada.
Works much better than I am going on holiday for a month(leaving here)....or talk to my lawyer.......or here is the bill for last months homework that was in addition to my regular work..payup now!
You catch more flies with honey. And you know if it is working right away. You may have to keep reminding him as he will slack off along the way but it is easier to remind him of the potential gold.
Or you could just break down and cry, saying you can't do this anymore and you are gonna leave. The trick here is to make him say that, then he has to divy up the goods (house, car, tools)and give you half. Bad way to go cause the lawyers are gonna take their piece.
Or you could do some more research and check into and see what constitutes "spousal abuse" in your neck of the woods.(or slave labor)

Answer 5

I am very lucky. I am a stay at home mom with 5 kids and my husband works hard 12 hours a day. I keep the house clean the best I can and he helps without asking if I need it. And when I do ask him for help, he says "What can I do"
If you are a stay at home mom you should try to keep the house clean. If you have kids old enough to help then make them. My kids might get cranky about helping but they do help because if they don't then they will lose computer time( Heaven Forbid!)

If your husband cares at all he will help. Marriage is about helping each other. Not, this is your job and this is my job. I do not care how hard he works, he should be concerned about you also and you should baby him a little. If you feel you need a change in your marriage then you need to talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel without yelling at him. If he does not want to listen or he does not change I would rethink your marriage. I will be a servant to no man! But I will take care of my husband if he shows me the same kind of respect!

Answer 6

I don't think you are asking for too much, although I agree with some responses here that if you are a full time housewife, you would be expected to do a bit more. And if you are not, your husband should contribute to the running of the place. Husbands should respect their wives even though he may be the only breadwinner of the family. Some just take it for granted.

I would start putting a bin bag by the bed side and ask him to put the bottles in. I don't expect him to clear the stuff, it's too much for him at the moment!!! For dirty clothes, he needs to put them in a specific laundry bag at a place convenient to him (it could be the bed side!). If he can do these two things, I would give him a big hug! Make it easy for him to perform a bit of work, and let him feel appreciated. Try to build up his habit bit by bit although I know it's hard.

Good luck and happy new year.

Answer 7

You dont' say if you work full time or not. See I clean up my guys messes because that is MY job. I am darn proud of taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry. He has to go out into the world and deal with office politics, nasty customers and commuter traffic everyday.
It's the least I can do to give him a nice home in return.
I hated office politics, driving traffic, customers and coworkers staying home is Heaven.
I make it what I want and housework doesn't take more than an hour a day if you organize yourself.
Afterwords, I can work on Ebay and Yahoo Answers, find new receipes to try and take the dog for a walk, read and play Nintnedo if I want.. cause it's my way and my day!

Answer 8

Do you also work outside of the home? If so then it should be a 50/50 type thing- all's you are asking is for a little help! But if you DON"T work outside the home then what else do you have to do? Unless you two have like-triplets or more kids than one person can handle then you should be able to handle it! If you don't want another year of this type of life then sit down and talk to him or write him a letter if you can't talk to him and put it in his lunch box or somewhere where he can read it! Hope this helps!

Answer 9

I am sure that just like me you do the cleaning, cooking, washing-up, making the beds, vacuuming and all the rest of the boring jobs. I feel it is just right that i should do all those things since i am the one at home and jobless. But i also expect my husband to respect me and at least move his dirty cups etc to the kitchen. Not that it gets a chance to stand around i am there waiting for the cup before he has even finished it. I do not get a penny from him and he buys the grocery's etc. I hope that does not happen to you as i also feel like a servant by now.
PS i do hate cleaning up.
Usually a nag helps but it causes tension in the house so that is useless, i feel for you . Make yourself a nice cup of coffee , put your feet up and just think of yourself for a chance. Happy new Year to you.

Answer 10

I am at the other end of this problem. I am a man who has done my share of domestic chores.If there was anything that needed doing It was my pleasure to do.I have Worked hard to provide a good home,tidy things away,cook,wash up,garden ,wash cars,shop, help to bring 2 children up, change nappies feed, help with school runs when I could, at one time I had 3 jobs .I always made sure the family had good hols and generally provide a good life for everybody including the wider family, eg in laws.I have remembered anniversaries birthdays, I don't follow Saturday sports I am very attentive, we went out for meals at least twice each week.Do you know what ! It wasn't enough.I now live on my own as my ex wife said I had done nothing for her.I am an easy going sort of guy with plenty of energy for life and decided when I was younger that I wouldn't follow in my fathers foot steps,as he treat my Mother like a slave, she was bound to the house with no money to spend on herself and he didn't even know how the vac worked. So I am contemplating on life right now . Was my Dad right and am I wrong?