Bi-polar wife, in manic phase, filed for divorce?

Question

Please bear with me - this might seem disjointed. My wife and I have been married for 4 yrs-together for 6. During that time, she has cycled btwn bouts of depression and euphoria, but always to a mild degree. On Oct 29th (8 wks ago) she wrote one of the most incredible love letters I have ever seen. A week later, at dinner, we had a small argument over a petty topic. 3 days later she leaves town for business (she works in another state). A week later she calls and says she doesn't know if she wants to stay married to me. Afew days later I find out she just started an affair w/ a married co-worker. I got served w/ divorce papers 3 weeks ago. We have had no communication for 2 wks now. Last time we talked she showed no remorse for her actions. She and her new lover are now skiing in canada and she is spending her money like no tomorrow. I have moved out of house, my finances are secure (we always had seperate accts). Is she BP? Is this a manic phase? How long will it last?

FYI - My therapist says she very well could be BP 1 and in a severe manic phase. He said there were 7 signs...she exhibits 5 of them. He also said that in this phase, I could not approach her abt treatment. I love my wife and am at wits end. Do I let the divorce play out, or drag my feet and wait for her to come off of her mania?

Answer 1

If she suffers from bi polar disorder, it could be a manic phase. However, that doesn't mean that she wants to stay in the marriage. If she has been diagnosed, unless she takes medication consistently--which is very difficult for those who suffer from manic depression--the manic phases will continue.

If her divorce filing is due to a manic phase and she changes her mind, insist that you will stay in the marriage only if she seeks treatment and follows through with it!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I only read about 5 paragraphs into your post before I had my answer. Your wife was not always an adult. She was a kid at one point in time. And that kid had a mother taking care of her. You've seen the mother. What was it again,..." a non functioning manic depressed bi-polar" woman I believe is what you called her. Guess what, sport? That little girl picked up a few absolutely insane ideas about what "normal" behavior is supposed to be. And this has completely screwed up her view of reality. There is nothing you can do that will fix this. Not with her anyway. Which brings me to my point. Her mom taught her a distorted view of reality. Now she has the opportunity to continue teaching it to HER daughter. Are you really going to have no spine and allow this to happen? Divorce might be an unappealing option, but your daughter's future depends on you doing the right thing. If your too afraid to do anything, then you get the joy of watching the same thing happen to your granddaughter. So what's it going to be?

Answer 4

My husband has done the same thing in manic phase. He has left and returned 2 times before. Each time he returned I tried to set boundaries and for a while because he remained on his meds he was the wonderful person that I married. Bipolars tend to go off their meds when they feel better as did my husband and for the third time he has left the home. This time he filed for divorce and it is proceeding. Both attorneys are having to deal with his unpredictable behaviour as I no longer know what to expect.
For the future and from my experience, I would tell you that unmedicated bipolars can be extremely difficult to live with. When depressed they can sleep many hours out of the day, while when manic they spend lots of money, stay awake for long periods and many other things. It seems to me that my husband was always moody and irritable with others when off meds and our friendships with others dwindled to almost nothing. He also has an incredible ability to ignore those he loves for long periods of time.
I actually feel quite relieved right now that he is gone. I know that I tried and accepted that what he had was and is an illness. But... he still made the choice to go off his meds repeatedly, knowing how it affected our relationship. In essence he traded everything for one or two pills a day. That is pretty belittling.
I hope that you find peace.

Answer 5

Whew, you have your hands full there. I'm with your therapist on this one. See below website for more info on bipolar disorder. Unless she seeks treatment, you are in for the roller coaster ride of your life. Bipolar disorder gets worse as the person gets older and they often start having more and more delusions as they age. Whether or not you allow her to continue with the divorce is up to you given this information. It is extremely likely that she will come back to you after her manic episode comes down or when the new boyfriend gets tired of her. I have not seen a manic episode last for more then a couple of months because usually something happens like they get delusional to the point where it interferes with the safety of themselves or others and get hospitalized or get put in jail.

A note on what delusions are and why bipolars are so prone to them. A delusion is a fixed false belief. That means that first it is not true and second, you cannot talk them out of it because they actually believe that it is true. The mind cannot handle extremes of emotion without getting either suicidal or delusional. A bipolar can get delusions in either the extreme manic state or the extreme depressed state. The below website does an excellent job of further defining what I have just described.

Answer 6

I seriously think that if she's doing this, that she's not worth your time. I'm not trying to be harsh, but it's true. What's more important: pursuing the one you love or getting hurt by the one you love. It really does sound like she's a little bit more than bi-polar. It sounds like she has some serious issues to take care of. The only reason why I am saying this is due to what I have read and what I have learned in my Psych class.

Also, it sounds like she's been doing this for a while. Maybe those business trips were just more than that.

Well, I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you'll find a soulution.

Best wishes,
Lavina

Answer 7

Yes, she sounds like Bi-polar and in manic phase..
It could last for days / weeks / months....
She needs a good psychiatrist..
Careful, there are lots of incompetant psychiatrists..
She may need to be forcibly institutionalized for
a few weeks to get her under control with meds..
Her Bi-Polar disease can be pretty much controlled with meds..
Lithium, Wellbutrin, Zyprexa, Paxil, Lamictol....

Answer 8

If she hasn't been diagnosed and is not willing to seek help there's not much you can do. It may be BP or it might be marriage problems either way it doesn't sound like she is willing to work things out.
To be around a person who is BP will never get any better unless they are willing to be diagnosed and follow through with treatment. Even then they will refuse to believe they are not normal and will stop taking their meds and the vicious cycle will continue.
I would follow through and get a divorce, it may save you years of heartache and regret. Time has a way of slipping by and if dwell on someone who doesn't want to be there, your missing out on someone who is waiting for someone like you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry. That must be so hard for you. I am wondering though, is she being treated with medication? If so, have you discussed with the therapist possibly increasing the dosage or changing to a different med or adding a second or third med? Good luck.

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like a manic phase. Maybe she's fallen for this other guy and thinks that they will be together.