What do I do in this situation?? Will it help??
(see add'l details for more info)
2006-12-31 04:29:24 · 23 answers · asked by Michael 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
My g/f was raped by a two close friends about 6 months ago. She has been through consuling and all. She is becoming her normal self again. She has been asking me is I am ok eventhough we haven't had sex and I said yes, I am fine. She says she really wants to have sex. Should I?? How should I expect her to react??(ie- will it remind her of the last guy, will she be freaked out from flashbacks)
I want to do what will help her and she says this will.
Please give me some advice!! (thanx!!)
Sometimes when I touch her a certain way, she still get freaked out. I have told her I won't leave her if we don't have sex, but she still wants to have sex. Should I??
I don't want to cause her more pain than I would be helping her.
I have told her many times I could wait forever but she still wants to.
Not everytime I touch her, just certain ways scare her.
I just don't want to make her feel scared or vulnerable. The I will feel like shi.t.
2006-12-31 04:29:31 · update #1
I find that I love her now more than before even without the sex(which was there before)
Is this really gonna help??
2006-12-31 04:30:24 · update #2
be a man reassure her and take your woman,..
she wants you,
not bad memories substantiated by your fear.
You give her the confidence that all is alright
2006-12-31 04:34:27 · answer #1 · answered by iroc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try, and see how it goes. I would not expect it to happen at the first try though. I would also leave the light on, so she can see it is you at all times, do not get anywhere she can't see your face. Be very gentle, no roughness of any kind. If she says stop or freaks out, stop then, reassure her and try again later. It will happen, but it may take a few tries. I would also leave the lights on for a while. It may not be romantic, but it can help if she can look and see it is you. It can help hold the flashbacks down a little. Good luck. With patience repect and preserverance you will slowly you get your love life back.
2006-12-31 13:21:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well ur gf probably thinks that you will leave her if u guys dont have sex. so she is saying that she wants sex because she doesnt want u to leave her. u should try telling her that u love her no matter what and that u dont need sex to be with her. and that u can wait because i can tell u really care about ur gf. and if she still gets freaked out when someone touches her then she isnt fully recovered. because when a girl gets raped her dignity and self esteem is completly gone she will feel worthless and nothing will ever stay the same. even though its been half a year. so the thing u can do right now is to stay by her side and to make her feel safe. if she says she wants to have sex to make her feel better tell her its not going to help u just want the best for her and if sex doesnt make her comfortable then dont do it. becuase its obvious she just wants to do it to make sure ull stay with her. but thats not the point since u are going to be with her even if she doesnt have sex with u because u love her for her not because of the sex that u are going to have rite? so stay by her side and keep her safe. good luck and happy new year!
2006-12-31 16:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really nice and awful sweet of you to care for your girlfriend like that, but since she got raped she knows how it feels to do it and wants to do it more. Ask her if she really wants to do it and if she is sure. If she says yes and you are still worried then ask her if she will remember those two friends who raped her or if she will feel scared. Respect her. Make sure that she is positive do it. If you don't want to ask her you can wait until her counseling classes are over so she can be back to her normal stage.
I would wait until she is back to normal because she would know what she wants and if she really wants. Just support her and be with her for every step she makes. If you do have it with her and it reminds her of the time she got raped she is back where she started and then she would need counseling again. That's nice of you to care of her so much and good luck. Hope your girlfriend feels better. Follow your heart.
Have a Happy New Year!
2006-12-31 13:16:42 · answer #4 · answered by Valerie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love her now more than before, right? Don't do such things before marriage. Right now is a time to create lasting relationships that will bond you together forever. It seems that you have already noticed this. If you really love her, help her to understand the reason for your love, that it is not physical, but based rather on the more important things. I know this might seem so old-fashioned and prude-like, but it is the best way. Marry the girl if you love her enough. Right now she needs you as an emotional pillar rather than a physical desire.
2007-01-02 20:10:48 · answer #5 · answered by lovin' life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is the only one who knows how she feels. If she really wants to then let her take the lead. Let her do what she feels comfortable doing. That way she won't have to tell you no or stop and she is comfortable with what is happening. Don't get angry however if she does get scared and "freak" the first time or so. That is normal. Just go with it and tell her (if it happens) that it's okay and you love her. Kudos to you for respecting how she feels. I wish more guys were like that.
2006-12-31 15:17:55 · answer #6 · answered by w2kaad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the answer, do any of us? But, I just wanted to say that I think you sound like a caring and considerate guy. Good for you.
I think that the best thing for you both to do is approach with caution, be calm, kind and thoughtful (as you seem to be already) and be ready to reassure her at every point.
Good luck in all you do, especially your relationship. I hope your girlfriend can try and cope with it all and I wish you both every happiness!
2006-12-31 13:59:44 · answer #7 · answered by vixta1982 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly ive been raped too and its more the fact that she has to learn to trust people again than the fact that she doesnt want to have sex. probably the reason she jumps or get a little touchy is because until she starts to feel secure again in her surroundings she'll propbably just be a little startled but the faster you help her feel secure and back to the way she used to the better and easier it will be for her and you.
2006-12-31 12:45:58 · answer #8 · answered by ♥sexy_love♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though she is wanting to have sex to prove to herself that you still love her and find her desirable. If she is freaking out when you touch her in certain ways than yes she will probably freak if you have sex. You need to find out if that is why she is wanting to have sex, and then find other ways to show her how much you love her until she is fully healed.
2006-12-31 12:35:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she needs counselling to help her get over it - sometimes it can take years of patience and understanding.
do things gradually and at her pace - and make sure you remind her how special she is and you'll always be there for her.
keep the foreplay to a minimum - its gonna take a while for her to start trusting men again
2006-12-31 12:34:15 · answer #10 · answered by schmushe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to make sure that she is 100% ok with it and that at anytime during it she can call it off!! Do not get freaked out if she backs out during it!!other than that I see no problem why y'all should not
2006-12-31 12:35:36 · answer #11 · answered by mommy of 2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋