husband never wants to have sex with me, have given him books. videos and "how to" material. when we do have it, (its been 3months now!!) he doesn't seemed interested in pleasing me. we have talked endlessly about it he says he is going to try rarley does. have been to counseling. he tells me he loves me and doesnt want a divorce, but I am not ready to give up sex! no affiar, the guy comes home early, and does love to hang out with me.
2006-12-31 04:23:21 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have toys a drawer full! He is not inetersted in playing with them have tried to coax and he has bitten, I guess the trouble is that there is no excuse we ahve no kids, and he has no job pressures! He may be gay, but I have ask very gently this question, an dhe says no. I have bought the videos for fun, not to pressure him ,andeven suggested he watch them alone so he can get comfortable. grrrrrrrrrr, he is such a nice guy too. :(
2006-12-31 04:38:21 · update #1
I don't know the situation but it sounds like you are putting too much pressure on him. I mean the books, video tapes, If my wife did that I would be seriously unhappy.
You all should get some counseling
2006-12-31 04:26:47 · answer #1 · answered by me2 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Remember that sex only makes up one part of a marriage.
A lot of men have problems discussing this issue even with there wives. There are several medical conditions that can cause lack of sex drive in men and many of them are treatable. Has he been to a medical Dr? Sometimes it is not mental but something actuall pysical that is causing the problem.
Some people just lose interest in sex over time, instead of buying him the material and videos try changing the way you are approaching it. Maybe he is feeling pressured because so much enthasus is being placed on him being able or wanting to perfom.
Try new and different things to peak his interest, role playing, new toys exc. Go get a hotel room and take him there, dress it up and experiment.
Have him meet you in a club and act like strangers meeting for the first time. There are lots of options here, but dont get upset if the first try does not work, everyone is stimulated by something different.
I know sex is an important part of a marriage, but it is not everything and do you really want to give up your marriage because one thing in not working right? maybe there are deeper issues that you need to look at if you are thinking its time to go because of this one problem.
Good Luck
2006-12-31 12:31:04 · answer #2 · answered by just_trump_my_ace 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. As much as I hate doing this I have learned that you do have to set some boundaries and be consistent. Especially since he hasn't even really tried knowing this is hurting your r/t together. Sit him down and first tell him how much you love him and follow with the fact that you are unhappy with your sex life and can no longer live this way. Remind him that you have brought this up many times before and nothing has changed. Now, you need to give him a precise date....that if things don't change by this time, you have no other choice than to leave an unhappy r/t. Mean what you say! Many people don't follow through with their feelings and the other person thinks it's just another converstaion. FOLLOW THROUGH. Be calm, patient and loving when you tell him this. Good luck.
2006-12-31 12:39:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh that is bad, and for you clearly unfair. when the passion dies in a marriage there is no easy fix. with me it's the other way around. my partner wants it and i just don't want it at all. I don't cheat either, i just do not feel like being touched by anyone. sometimes the reason is not you. Your husband may be going through a personal difficulty and stress at work, other issues. etc. If the marriage is good otherwise, suggest counselling and take it from there. you might want also to try this; get the kids out of the house, light candles, romantic dinner and seduce him when he is least expecting it. good luck.
2006-12-31 12:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could he be having impotency problems? High blood pressure, depression, and many medications that treat these disorders can cause problems with sexual desire and make it difficult to get an erection or orgasm. Make sure he is healthy before you put any more pressure on him.
I disagree with others who say you should just deal with it. Of course sex is a crucial part of marriage. If it wasn't important,
then why get married? Why not just live with a friend? Sex is the glue that keeps a couple bonded in times of stress. It is a stress reliever and brings you closer.
Read the book Constructing the Sexual Crucible. It was written by a counselor who deals with marriage and sexual problems and approaches them in a new way.
2006-12-31 12:33:04 · answer #5 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If counseling didn't work, toys didn't work, hints don't work... Your playfulness didn't work, your talks didn't work you have only three things left to consider......
1. He IS gay
2. He has a hormone imbalance
3. He is impotent and does not wish to address this issue either medically, (Viagra, Cialis) or with outside physical devices, implants, or vacuum pumps, injections, etc.)
Number one has nothing to do with you.
Number two and three can be addressed by his physician (urologist)
If he still isn't interested in a romantic marriage with you, he is your roommate, and you have a decision to make: Is a nice roommate good enough for the rest of your life or do you want more? And, hon, only you can answer that.
2006-12-31 13:39:49 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thought ONLY men faced this problem. I was married to a "none" for 25 years myself, but I didn't cheat on her. Come to find out, she was only a "none" with me. She had a man on the side, to take care of that end of the marriage. If he never wants sex, you better check up.......it just might be that he has a woman on the side. When is it time to leave? Yesterday!!!
2006-12-31 13:38:48 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey sex isnt everything, if he treats you well and like to spend time with you that is awesome, what if it was the other way around? all he wanted was to have have sex but never talked to you.
but i understand that its frustrating, talk to him about other things, maybe he is bored with regular sex, he might have a fettish that he is embarrased to tell you about. you might just need to spice things up a bit in the bedroom. maybe when he comes home you could surprise him somehow. i dont think this is a cause for divorce though yet. sorry to say it but he might also be gay?
2006-12-31 12:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by nolanthecat 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You said that you have talked to him about your problems and he hasn't made a satisfactory effort to please you. You've been through counseling and still he has not improved for you. Marriage is about mutual satisfaction. Sexual satisfaction is important. I suggest that you tell him (like you told us) : "I am not ready to give up sex!" Tell him that you are thinking about divorcing him because of his unwillingness to satisfy you and ask him what he thinks you should do. If his answer is something you are willing to try or willing to wait for him to try than see how that works out. If it's not something you are willing to wait on than get a divorce. You can love a friend. You can hang out with a friend. It seems like you have the formula for platonic friendship.
2006-12-31 12:49:17 · answer #9 · answered by rude_girl_terry 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you start thinking about having an affair or there is abuse. Don't stay in a loveless or dangerous relationship just because for the children or cause you are afraid that you have nowhere to go. There are places you can go to for safety or assistance.
2006-12-31 12:44:39 · answer #10 · answered by SoapFan1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋