Is everyone really happy with who they settled with in life?

Question

I was in a relationship before that pretty much left me scarred with emotional abuse. Although its been about 2 years, I never fully healed. I have been in a new relationship for the past year and a half and my happiness is NO where as close as my last one. I am happy , just not beaming with this ridiuclious Tom cruise- Katie Holmes couch jumping love. Am I alone on this?

Answer 1

I know how you feel and sympathize with you:) I went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship and then found my husband. I have a very hard time trusting and still find myself expecting the other shoe to drop at any second.

I love him and we're happy, but it's not that all-consuming, all-you-can-think-about-all-day-long, can't-wait-to-be-in-his-arms, love. Although he feels that way about me.

We're comfortable. And sometimes it sucks cause some all consuming passion would be nice!! So I know your feelings:(

Answer 2

So you're saying your last relationship left you "scarred with emotional abuse" but you jumped into the next one within six months of ending the first one and you were never fully healed before you did this. Then you say your happiness "is no where as close as my last one" .. So my question is what do you expect from this relationship. Do you like to be scarred and have more emotional abuse or what? Go find some professional help, you really need it.

Answer 3

You cannot live in the past. Until you let go of all of the past issues and realize that each and every person that you meet now - from this moment on is "not" the one that hurt you; you will continue to live within a past that you cannot change. It is the past.

Take what you have learned and move on. Shed your distrust and scars. Today "is" the present and tomorrow is a gift.

You cannot compare your quota of happiness to such displays as Tom Cruise jumping on the Oprah couch. Why would you want to? Actors are called actors for a reason. Maybe Tom Cruise is couch jumpin' happy! Who cares? He had a camera on him. Global exposure to his every move. Tom Cruise wipes his bum just like everyone else. Get the picture?

And, you cannot "settle" for anything. Don't force yourself into a relationship based upon how you see others. You've got to do what it is that makes you happy.

Answer 4

It seems to me that you are expecting the second time to be the getty love that one feels when you fall in love for that very first time. You are not allowing the new relationship to be in it's own, you are comparing it (something near impossible not to do) and thus if it does not meet your expectations it leaves you feeling somewhat unsatisfied. That is why they say you never forget your first love, but imagine if you actually were in your past relationship it would be magic for a little but then again all those problems would fade away. It seems as though we are always searching for that true love, that person who can make us feel like we did when we first met that person who showed us what love was. I think the best thing to do is recreate a new love, a love on another level. Maybe it is the person you are with now, because I have met a girl and it feels so good to find someone you could possibly love again, I know it will not be like my last love, but a whole new love. I feel so alive. Live in the moment and anything will become possible!

Answer 5

All I know is, you can tell if you are compatible with somebody very quickly. You should never "downgrade" in a partner. If you felt a happiness in the past, then you realize what is possible. If you aren't getting that same feeling with your current partner, then you should move on because you will always be looking for someone better and feel like you "settled" and are missing out on something. Sometimes it's just better to be alone than to feel dissatisfied and stay in a relationship just because you don't want to be alone. Get to know yourself. The more you know yourself and what you want, the better chance you'll have to actually find what you're looking for.

Answer 6

well first of all relationships can be complicated,but was this previouse relationship with someone you met in person or a online one? is this new person treating you good ? what was the reason for the brake up in the previouse relationship? think about who seems the most likely to stick buy you when things are hard . thie curent relationship could be just away to avoid dealing with the fealings you never realy delt with after previouse brake up. maybe you should contact your previouse guy or girl and see if that person still has fealings for you. while things may seem fine in curent relationship; you may be better off with the previous person in the long run.
or not being in a relationship for a while. if you are a female the worst thing you can do is to wind up pregnant and left to raise the kid alone. so consider this who has told you they wil always be there for you and would never leave you to raise a kid by yourself. wich one seams like they will always stick by you regadless you ave a heathly life or get dibilitating illness. things to think about before getting seriouse with anyone. oh and at least talk to the previouse guy or girl you had a relationship with and get all your fealings out so you not carrying them into any futer relationships.

Answer 7

If happiness is what you are after, PLEASE let me know when you find it. Ultimate happiness is never found in a relationship with another human. No one human can ever meet all your needs--that is why you should multiple relationships (friends, family, marriage, etc).

I am not fully happy in my marriage--but I love my spouse. That is more realistic to me than the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes relationship. Remember: Tom is VERY good at acting!!

Answer 8

My friend feels like this too! I'm really not sure why this happens. Maybe you are sharing your heart with 2 people now and you are always comparing the old to the new. Maybe you also haven't had total closure. Or you feel as if you get happy with your new relationship you may forget your old one and in your heart you don't want those memories to go away. Maybe your always thinking about your old relationship and old times and hoping your old relationship person is doing the same. I always tell my friend....you got to try to let go. Don't live in the past....live and love what is right in front of you....before you lose it.. Good luck sweety

Answer 9

The moral of the story is that it takes two hands to clap and we cannot find the perfect mate we want. If everyone thinks that way then no one is a match....It is sad that you have been through a traumatic experience but I believe that there are lessons learnt from all this and the basic one is that we amend it and it begins with ourselves. Very often it goes back to our own family system and what our expectations are and if we cannot find one that we are comfortable with then we go through life making all those little mistakes over and over again. You need to come to terms with it, get healed and move on. If you have not healed from your past wounds, you will forever be reliving it over and over again. It is like not allowing a wound to heal and you keep poking it to encourage fresh wounds. Seeing a counsellor will help analyse your hurts and work from there. Good luck!

Answer 10

To be honest, after one suffers from emotional or any kind of abuse, healing takes some time. You actually jumped right back in the dating realm and now, you are hurting this one yo are with now do to the fact you are holding out on him.(what I mean is you are not loving him to your fullest) My advice is to seek some help and let you new man or woman know how you feel.