My husband and I agree that sex isn't amazing between us because our schedules are off right now and we are under a lot of stress so we try to "fit" in sex. So he likes to do what I mentioned above. I asked him does it bother him that our sex is kind of blah and he says no, but he still spends quite some time doing the porn thing. He keeps saying he loves me and that our sex life is fine, he just likes to do that other stuff too. He said sometimes he doesn't even "get off", he just likes to read the stories to get to sleep at night. I just don't know whether to let it go or be concerned about the fact that he does it so much. He normally does it when I've fallen asleep at night or I'm off doing something else.
My understanding is that most of you guys do it because sex sucks and your wife is boring or not hot. Is this true? Is my husband bulls** me?
2006-12-29 22:52:37 · 11 answers · asked by actresscye 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am just asking a simple question. I don't see anywhere in my posting where I am bashing my husband. I am simply asking a male's point of view. Sometimes I enjoy that he can fulfill himself without me being there. So just answer the question instead of jumping all over me. Thanks.
2006-12-29 23:10:01 · update #1
Honey we men like to look at women - period. The more we can see of them as in totally naked the better. This doesn't mean that we suddenly don't love our mate. We are just programmed from day one to like to look at females. It is our nature to look. Now - of course - you sometimes think that this is a type of cheating or showing disrespect. Some of us try to hide it - we don't want you to feel bad. We love you. You are our main girl - but we can't help it. When we see an *** walking down the street - our eyes are instantaneously drawn to it. We want it. We can't help but think about it. But- some of us realize that we need to keep our main girl happy - so again we try to find that happy ground where we don't make you unhappy. When we look at another woman - whether it be porn on the net or a chick on the street - we are just being what we are programmed to be naturally. This is what makes us want you.
Just live with it and don't try to fight it. Show us a little more of you - try to be our constant and insatiable porn queen and maybe we will not look as much - but we are always always gonna want to look!
2006-12-30 00:24:57 · answer #1 · answered by gaijinojiisan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Watching pictures or reading porn stories involves a one-way kind of voyeristic relationship, where the man can look and imagine but cannot touch or interact. And this of course makes it different from the two-way relationship between husband and wife, where touching and interacting are the main ways of expressing love and lust.
A guy can use porn and masturbation to substitute for lack of sex. But it's not a good substitute. Real sex and affection is what's best for individuals and for their relationships. And if you know that the sex-life between you and your husband is not that good, then you should do something to make it better.
Your marriage is more important than keeping up with your schedules. And you should make time for your relationship. Or else, your relationship may go downhill, and all your keeping up with your hectic schedules will only bring grief and unhappiness to you both.
2006-12-29 23:24:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not a male but I will tell you that it is not your fault that your husband is addicted to porn. You could be a supermodel and give him what he needs and he still might be the type that will look at porn. It is easy access and he can look at all different types of women. It is his problem he would rather look at that then get the real thing. He likes the fact that he can get sexually satisfied without having the intimacy. I would have a long talk with him and tell him he either needs to get help or you will find sex elsewhere!!!
2006-12-30 08:31:01 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying and I am going to give you my honest opinion. If your husband watches porn or reads the stories, it is most likely because he misses being around you all the time. For example, I am in Iraq right now and I really miss my wife. It is hard to be away from the one you love for some time and not be able to do anything when you are together because of work. I love my wife. To me, she is the hottest woman alive. i think he loves you too. Just because you guys say it is ok, doesnt mean he does not enjoy the sex. I bet right now he is fantasizing about you. So in conclusion, no we dont hate our wives or think they are boring. It is just we miss you girls.
2006-12-30 02:23:05 · answer #4 · answered by young grown man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they are not happily married. That's why they watch it. If you need or want to look at other naked women have sex, there is a problem. Its like looking at the job classifieds while you are at work. Why? Just because it may seem "normal" and some men even watch with their wives that does not make it necessarily a positive contribution to a marriage. I'm not being judgmental because I have watched porn, but at some point you realize that is does have a negative effect on your marriage because it takes a way from your wife being the only source of sexual gratification. That's why I don't like to look at it, even though sometimes I get tempted and look anyway.
2006-12-30 01:28:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
what has porn got to do with your wife?
it is nothing about a relationship, another person or making love
you seem to think that sex only exists withing love making
for men it doesn't, allow men to be men
porn is your hang up not his, he is enjoying his sexuality, he is being faithful
he isn't having an affair
dont let YOUR issues what sounds like a fairly stable working marriage
if you want to spice up your sex life make an effort
when he has more quality sex than he can handle he will lose interest in porn
give the guy a break he is doing his best and your still not happy
2006-12-29 23:01:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yea porn does allow a man to imagine himself in that type of setting. Where he can be free to be more wild, but it doesn't only show the wife's fault or lack of it also allows a man to wish he could be a better lover or a more endowed fellow.
2006-12-30 02:13:20 · answer #7 · answered by valemadre 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, your hubby is not BSing you. My love for my wife is as strong now as it was the day we married. Our schedules are completely opposite so everything is strained. Some men like porn more than others but it doesn't mean anything to use. Women like to have a reason for things & some men don't need it. Honestly, you have nothing to worry about.
2006-12-30 01:20:43 · answer #8 · answered by nbr660 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not, watching or reading porn does not mean he dislikes you. On the contrary, he may want to watch it WITH you. You seem pretty secure with yourself by what I read in your post. Trust me, just because he watches or reads porn does NOT mean he's bored with you. Not at all!
I hope your schedules start meshing better soon, too, so you can watch together.
Good luck and rest easy . . .
2006-12-30 02:24:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hiii as a married guy to i bleave the trouble with sex is when to friends in love meet the sex fun is so good lots of needs lust with more time togher that fun and spark seams to slow and suffer where theres love caring the sex aint the same as we remmber when first few times togher the need is to really find them needs fun togher again just like in the first few times of fun it takes two of cose well even today it still does but need to find the old fun again togher just like when you first met was so sweet im sure remmber well plan talk and work togher try to make it fun again llike it once was when u really wanted it heaps im sure so wotk on that togher talk helps trough your love u shere.
2006-12-29 23:11:55 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋