Man:
Don't you understand you aint more than a one night stand
I done got what I need and I sho' aint ya man
I'll walk you to the door and give you one last kiss goodbye
I'll throw the rubber in the garbage
As I watch your shadow go bye
You aint that important
And your not what I need
I guess we should of thought
About that dime between your knees
Dont you know you aint nothing but a one night stand
Just cause you had my baby dont mean I am your man
The feelings that we felt were just feelings thats called lust
I guess there was a hole cuz the condom didnt bust
You aint that important
Your not what I need
I guess we should of thought
About that dime between your knees
Woman:
Its been a long eighteen years
I aint seen your face one day
Your baby ask for daddy
All I can say is your dead
Yeah, you dont mean a thing to me
The only thing you gave me
Was a child that you never see
And I guess I can only wish
I kept that dime between my knees
2006-12-29 22:50:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
How old are you, and how long have you've been writing ? That would have alot to do with my critique. If your under 17 it's decent,Under 24 so so, older than that, I'd say juvenile and hackneed... but I'm nobody , keep doing what you're doing Have fun, And sounds like it was it fun to write. You show promise, especially if you are fairly new at songwriting.
2006-12-29 23:06:58 · answer #1 · answered by brianlefttoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the man is an insensitive ******. He should be shot and put out of his misery. The lyrics are deep, I like them. They are a bit poetic. Realistic in a sense since stuff like that happens alot, especially in the inner city.
Is it a rhyme in a rap song with the chick singing the hook ala jarule? If so it can work.
2006-12-30 06:56:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There quite good now you need some music and singers see if you cn give a tape of the final track to a music agent then you could make it big
but dont get your hopes up
2006-12-30 06:54:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It shows the pain of that woman nd the rudeness of that father who dont even care, or don't have a little heart to see the child.
The lyrics is AWSOME!!
I think you may have experienced such pain!?
Get going to make it a song,
All I could say that its lovely
Goodluck.
Take Care.
2006-12-30 07:00:46 · answer #4 · answered by Candy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a rap song, not really my kind of thing.
2006-12-30 07:00:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Horrible situation but the lyrics are cool.
2006-12-30 06:54:30 · answer #6 · answered by adazhia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're gonna write something, why don't you make it something worth the listener's time? That is pretty sorry!
2006-12-30 06:55:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem to be suffering some pain.
2006-12-30 06:52:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋