Is it normal to be nice to some if they have done wrong against you and act as though nothing has happened?

Question

I AM IN A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP, MY PARTNER HAS 2 GIRLS 1 IS 18 AND THE OTHER IS NEARLY 17 WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 7 YEARS.OVER THE YEARS THEY HAVE CONTINUED TO ENTER OUR BEDROOM EUN-SUITE AND USE THINGS IE OUR SHAMPOO, BODY SPRAY ETC WITHOUT ASKING, THE LATEST IS MY FOUNDATION, WHICH WAS LOCKED AWAY IN MY WARDROBE. I WENT TO USE IT AND THE BOTTLE WAS EMPTY, I DO NOT USE VERY OFTEN SO I KNOW I NEVER USED IT ALL, MY PARTNER DOES NOT USE IT AT ALL.THIS HAPPENED ON CHRISTAMAS EVE I TOLD MY PARTNER OF THIS AND SHE HAS STILL NOT CONFRONTED THE SITUATION,IF AND WHEN SHE DOES, I KNOW THAT THEY WILL BOTH DENY IT AND SHE WILL BELIEVE THEM. THUS LETTING THE MATTER GO A COUPLE OF MONTHS .I HAD THIS SUSPISION AS THERE WAS MAKE UP SMUDGES ON OUR WARDROBE DOORS,IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO CLICK WHAT THESE MARKS WERE,I THEN CHECKED MY MAKE WHICH WAS OK I TOLD MY PARTNER , ABOUT THIS AT THE TIME AM I WRONG IN WANTIN THIS SORTED AND HOW CAN SHE BE NORMAL WITH THEM KNOWING THEY HAVE DONE WRONG AGAIN

Answer 1

come on jeez its abit of makeup

Answer 2

I don't think the question at the top is the one that you want answering.

What's the set-up here? If the girls see you as family, then what they're doing sounds normal enough. If they dislike you, then what they're doing is nasty. So any advice is going to depend on that.

The fact that you're treating it as theft and are taking it so seriously that you're saying "how can she act towards them as though nothing's happened, knowing what they've done?" as though they've just murdered someone makes me wonder if there are other factors at play here, but since you haven't said I can't comment.

In isolation, this is an easily-solved issue and I don't think getting resentful with your girlfriend or spoiling the holidays by having a massive row with the girls is going to achieve anything positive.

Buy them some make-up and toiletries in the sales as a New Year's present (and again for an Easter present, and again for their birthdays) or, better still, go to the shops with them so they can pick out the colours, match the skin tone etc. I wouldn't want to use someone else's stuff if I had my own.

If you feel you do want to clear the air, I think you should use words like "borrowed" or "used" rather than "stolen" or "taken", and the point that you should be concentrating on is that they should ask you first - not that they aren't allowed to touch your stuff no matter what on pain of death. It really is a minor issue in the grand scheme of things, and they'll be gone from the house in a few years so why sour your relationship with them over a couple of quid's worth of make-up?

Answer 3

Why don't you offer to buy the girls thier own bottle and they'll leave yours alone. Don't make drama over little stuff or your girlfriend will feel like she has to choose between you or her girls and if she's any kind of a good mother she'll pick her girls first no matter what they did wrong. Set some ground rules though because your bedroom is your personal space. Ask the girls if they would like you to go snooping in thier rooms and messing with thier stuff. Be nice about it.

Answer 4

I think you are absolutely right in that this issue of taking things locked away without asking.

Families and flatmates etc frequently use each other shampoos etc, I remember this well! However, in my eyes, taking your make up out of the wardrobe when it was locked is a different matter.
How did they get into the wardrobe? Has it been left unlocked or did they break in?

Answer 5

Maybe she doesn't see what's so bad about her children taking stuff...as long as its minor stuff like make-up, most parents feel this way. Do you resent her kids being there ? Why can you not speak to them after being with your partner for 7 years ? It sounds like the real problem is more serious than just a little make up.

Perhaps you & your partner should buy in things for the girls to try & that way they won't take yours. Good luck, anyway.

Answer 6

although what they are doing is wrong, its is quite normal for teenages to use anything and everything whether or not it is thiers! especially girls. Your aprtner should confront them as it is a problems that is bother ing you. Maybe all of you could sit togehter and set the boundaries as it were nicely.

"look, i understand that you are growing up, but id really appreciate it if you did use my make up, prehaps we can keep some in the main bathroom that we can all share?"

Good Luck! remeber you were a teen once!! Happy new year!

Answer 7

have you any children, why is it a big deal to you, surely your partner loves you and her children is that not enough, would you of wanted a row at christmas, yes they might of gone into your private place, but have you never gone into their rooms and looked through their rooms, i belive that the problem with you lies much deeper than this, normalpeople would think nothing of abit of make-up although the intrution was wrong but families should consider this. good luck but remember it is a bit of make up not the crown jewels.

Answer 8

Get a lock for your room, problem solved. She'll always choose her daughters over you. They're her blood. If you force her to make a decision, you'll lose.

Answer 9

when i read this question first i thought its something serious but u r making such a big deal because of this ????
relax and be happy that its nothing more serious

Answer 10

you are getting this upset over makeup? sheesh...............