any guys on here that have cheated?

Question

if you have what made you do it? and would you ever consider leaving your home for your mistress??

Answer 1

Why did you just say men? I'm a man never cheated but the x wife found a guy on line and did. And yes she did leave me, home,state and are 11yer old son for him, on the same hand he did the same to his wife. Latter I was told ( by one of her x girlfriends ) it was because he was just like I was only 10 years younger. My son ,now 27 told me she left him for another guy and left him with there2 daughters 11 & 13 yrs old. I'm not bitteras I got to rase my son. But I do feel a little sorry for the other guy. It's easery being a single parent of 1 boy than 2 girls. As they say " what comes around goes around". AND still single!!

Answer 2

Sorry l am not a guy, l am a woman but l can tell you about my husband cheating and why he said he did it. He said that as we had not been getting on he felt that l did not love him, he was confused and hurt and she was convenient. Yes he did leave me briefly for her when l found out about it. He was terribly ashamed when l found out and could not even look me in the face,so he left. Only very briefly though as the grass is definitely not greener on the other side(his words). We have been married 30 yrs and l think we had just grown apart a little. That was 10 mths ago and we are working on our marriage and doing really well. His infidelity did cost him the love and respect of his daughter, his first born child and so l feel that he has more than payed for his mistake.

Answer 3

While I have never been married, I have had multiple partners through life. Statistically, you'll have a hard time finding a man who has not 'cheated.' It is also, every year, getting harder to find a woman who has not. I do now several men who left their wives for their lovers - but i don't know one that it has worked out for. An unusual and interesting perspective of all this can be read at the link below.

Answer 4

Real love is not an emotion or an emphatuation. It is a choice to be committed to someone and to meet their needs. A man or womon who cheats does not have the character to be faithful. A man or woman who would leave thier husband or wife for another, would eventually leave you also. i recommend a book called, "boundaries in dating'" and another book called "Avoiding Mr. Wrong". These books are written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You can find them in most christian book stores as well as some others. Hope this helps. :)

Answer 5

I am curious on your hearing from men only about this issue: why not hear from BOTH them AND women who have cheated on their lover/ married spouse?

But as a guy myself, I'm allowed to answer UNLIKE the ladies answering THIS question....A-HEMMMM...

I've cheated once, years ago. For no reason, my wife was making life at home sheer hell (we found out later she had horomonal problems now corrected medicinally). For the longest, I dreamt of finding someone who would pay attention to me, like me for who I was-- as I would them. Ladies reading these answers: you might want to take note of this.

I never sought an affair w/ anyone however; it happened when I wasn't looking during this dark time. It was great in the beginning....but I quickly loathed the stresses of hiding this relationship....and eventually led to getting caught.

The expousure of this affair was horrifically painful--for BOTH me and my wife. But it allowed us to sit down and talk issues out; she then saw how she made life at home bad....and I also learned matters of the heart from her as well.

That was fifteen years ago---and we've well since recovered from that one event, choosing (for good reason) not to mention it.

Our marriage today is by far the stronger and better for having shone through that brief affair of infidelity.

Answer 6

look we are never going to get a honest answer the only thing we are ever going to get are excuses.the number one excuses is:
you woman cant handle the truth.but what i think is they cant handle telling us the truth because all they know is how to cheat and lie. the only thing that most men care about is getting thier nut,but yet you ask yourself how can they say the love you if they cheat,that question will never be answered.you just have to make up your own mind ,,is he worth keeping or not?.

Answer 7

The opportunity was there. No I wouldn't of ever considered it. Besides, we're not together anymore. It was a bad relationship from the get go.

Answer 8

I finally did because I was sick and tired of being completely ignored and taken for granted physically, financially and emotionally. I was tired of begging for little crumbs of affection, and I wanted to know some happiness before I died, a lover who wanted to please me as much as I wanted to please her. Leaving life as I know it has crossed my mind, but it's very hard to give up everything. It's the toughest decision I've ever been faced with.

Answer 9

Never cheated, would never cheat, no need to cheat. The grass is never greener on the other side.

Answer 10

Yes, I have unfortunately and believe it or not, it's something I regret. I left y wife, left city, home and country to go and be with someone else. Did it work out? No.

I left due to various reasons, but mainly because I was in an alcoholic haze most of the time and failed to see my true self, true feelings and what I wanted. I moved to another country to be with someone who I had known a long time which was good to start with, but I feel now that my motives were primarily driven by lust. and my own selfishness.

Whilst I was overseas, I saw myself reflected in this new partner, she was very self-absorbed, self-centred and refused to listen to other people. I had lots of time on my own to dwell on this and realised that I had been the same for a very long time. I could have been patient, I could have gone along with this new relationship but I realised that it had to end, not because I wanted to get back with my wife necessarily, but I owed it to myself and to the human race in general to face up to myself and admit what a pig-ignorant **** I had been, hurting lots of people in the process.

By leaving the relationship, I had the opportunity to meet with my wife again, we have since talked a lot, but I do not think that the relationship is repairable, even though I have realised that I have hurt her so much purely out of the fact that I have been selfish and close-minded to her. I have told her as much and also told her that it doesn't matter if we do not repair things.

So I came back to the UK, but because of other issues in my life and the fact that I could no longer be overseas, I was forced to resign from my job and am currently arguing about getting notice pay. I had no savings, as I had been purely selfish and just lived for the moment for so long and I found myself living on the streets in London and not having anything to eat. It was not particuarly fun, but I resolved myself to the fact that it was penance for the way I had been - the kind of thing that moving overseas and having a live-in affair and seeing a mirror reflection of myself made me realise.

I can do no more than apologise to my wife for the fact that I left. I can do no more than apologise for how selfish I have been through the years. Sure, I have changed as a person and am facing a daily battle atoning for things now. I don't think I will try to bore her with this, as I have promised at various points in our relationship to change, but haven't. It's taken this to jolt me into a new sense of being, I guess.

Coming back to the UK and being able to hold my hands up and admit that everything is my fault is something that was hard to do. I lost everything else too - my livelihood, my possesions (another story entirely, as they were removed by my UK landlord and the legal battle regarding that is going on as I write) and importantly, my wife. However, I feel now, felt then and will continue to feel that being able to admit y own faults and confront them is the right decision and not necessarily the easiest decision. Taking the easy decision to run off with someone else promised a lot, promised promotion at work, promised a lot of sex, promised a great opportunity but what the easy decisions do hide is the amount of trouble they really cause. Being weak at first, I ignored this, but finally am able to admit it.

Does this mean that I'll ever restore relations with the wife fully? I don't know. I don't think so. Does that mean that I'm upset about it? Well, yes, of course, but I'm not trying to wallow in self-pity. What is the point of that.

Instead I find solace in the fact that finally I am admitting my faults and feeling better as a person. I am finally admitting what I did wrong and bettering myself as a person. So going back to the start of my answer, do I really regret cheating and running away, so to say? Yes, I do and no I don't. If I had not done so, I would never have had the opportunity to realise what I really think and feel. I would never have had the opportunity (for a long time) to actually realise what I had been like, what I was being like. Finally, more importantly, I would never have realised how important the espousal relationship is and how people can play it down so much.

Yes, I love my wife. No, I'll never have her back (unless some miracle takes place) but I will leave you with one thought - I respect her more as a person and everything after all she has put up with, with me that I do not expect or want her to take me back. In self-realisation, we have to make sacrifices and it is a shame that it has happened like this.

For other people contemplating or currently cheating - don't. Think of what could happen. Think of what will happen. Think of your own emotions now, then and after. Then bearing all that in mind, address your own problems now, because a lot of the reasons you are contemplating cheating are probably issues on your side - e.g. "my wife won't give me much sex" is an oft quoted excuse. Fair enough, but WHY won't she give you much sex? Is that because of the way you are acting? Timings you are keeping? Behaviour on your part? Cheating is not worth it, never will be. It's a short-term fix to a deeper problem and you can begin to fix that problem by not cheating. I learnt this the hard way and I don't wish for other people to have to go through this either, least of all your partners.