my mother wants to call the my wedding off. what shall i do?

Question

I love my fiancé; he's good to me. But my mother wants to call our wedding off for stupid reasons; such as he doesn't respect her. I asked her what she meant about that and she says that he has to stand up every time she walks in the room. She also calls him cheap because every time he sees me he has to buy me an expensive gift. He get's me flowers and candy whenever he gets a chance and I’m happy with that. But she wants him to get me diamonds. He already spent 6400 on my wedding ring alone. She doesn't like the ring. I can't stand her complaining. She does it all the time. I have never sat down with her for one minute without hearing her talk about how bad he is. It got to a point where i was crying at night because of it. The worst part is she is telling everyone she knows how bad he is. It's all lies about him!!!!

She doesn't have the power to call the wedding off or on, it's just she is making my life so misrable by telling family and friends and complaining everyday that i want to call it off just so the maddness would stop.

My fiancé is a chemical engineer.

Answer 1

You need to set some very firm boundaries with your mother, but it will be hard, so you need to be strong. It is time to cut off ties to your parents since you are getting married. Your loyalty must be to your husband, for the rest of your life, so now is a good time to start.

Tell your mother that you will no longer tolerate hearing any complaints about your fiance or you will no longer speak to her. She will cry and carry on and threaten not to come to the wedding and to tell everyone else not to attend as well, but you must not give in to her emotional blackmail. She sounds very controlling and manipulative BUT she can't do this to you unless you allow it. Stop allowing it.

After you've told her what the boundaries are and she complains about him again (and she WILL test the boundaries) get up and walk out. You will have to show her that you are serious and that you will not tolerate listening to her put down your fiance any longer and that he is your main loyalty now. As it should be.

You will need to be strong!

But if you don't do it now, she will continue to want to run every aspect of your life forever. And think about what will happen when you have kids!!! Best to get this under control now. Even if it means cutting her out of your life. Sometimes we have to cut off poisonous people, even if they are loved ones. For the good of our own mental health and those we care about.

Good luck my dear!

Answer 2

Perhaps the problem is not the money and not the lack of respect from your fiance but the marriage itself.

Your mother doesn't feel good about you leaving her. And she expresses her feelings in indirect ways. If your fiance had bought you diamonds, then probably these diamonds would not be big enough for her. And if he stood up whenever she walked into the room, then she would probably complain that he didn't bow to her.

Perhaps your mother is a bit selfish in all of this. It's not her marriage, it's not her fiance, and it's not her gifts. Only you are her daughter whom she obviously doesn't want to let go.

If you let your mother have her way, then she will ruin your life. I suggest that you be firm and insist on doing what you know is best for you.

Answer 3

Hi Aroosa...before I assist u n answering ur question-I agree w/both LLBT D & LindaLou. Along with their anwers, I will add this: forget the $ issue for now...does ur man support u when u have an idea, a dream, or a goal? Does he go out his way to help u succeed in a specific area in ur life? Number one, does he possess the spirit of God? Is he willing to study the Bible or attend church? Is he a good steward over money? Do u support ur husband to be in every way that u can? When he goes off to work and return hm. r u waiting for him at the door with all the kisses and all the hugs? Will u be there for him if he had a "not so good" day at work and will he be there for u in a like manner? Money is a necessity. We do need it to pay bills and uncle sam (its great that u all have it going into a marriage). That'll be one less disappointment-especially if u r excellent at managing it. Pray, Aroosa, to ur creator if ur man has all these qualities within his spirit and u r willing to work at being a great wife (he a great husband); then pray and ask God to intercede and cause this marriage to proceed. It sure would be great if u two will be marrying before God and in love...God's love. When u have prayed and things around u smooth out, that's God answer...GET MARRIED and cleave to ur man not mom. Say bye-bye to Ma-Ma with love.

Godspeed (God be with u and may He answer ur question quickly);
Love Ya
Trinity4life

Answer 4

If your mother has the power to call off the wedding then you're not mature enough to get married. If you get married will your mom being calling the shots in your marriage? She's going to be the typical mother-in-law. It's good to know now so you can tell her to shut up and stand by your husband-to be.

Answer 5

Do what you gotta do. Marry your love. Love is a rare thing and allowing someone else to dictate to you how and who you are going to love is wrong. If you love him, the only opinion that truly matters is your own opinion. It may be hard to follow through and tell your mother that you are going to marry him, but if you two love each other, you will love YOURSELF alot more in the long run.

Dont make a bad decision because of someone else.

Answer 6

Well if your old enough to get married without your mothers authority over you than it is realy your desition but if your mother is right about some things about him than try to see it from her point of veiw. Maybe she found out somthing about him that you dont know. and you shouldnt marry someone for the amount of money they have or whatever. You should marry them because you love them truly. And if you have only known them for a short amount of time than you should posepone the wedding and get to know them better before you make a life comitment to them. Also try to tell your mother all the posotive details about him and why you want to marry them. Good Luck

Answer 7

Humour your mother but go ahead with your marriage. It is a testing time for you and your fiancee. Don't worry about your mother complaining to relative as I am sure everyone knows her nature, and take everything she says with a pinch of salt. Don't feel miserable. Be relaxed. Make your marriage one of happy day in your life, in spite of all the troubles. Maybe it will be the happiest day in your life, because of facing and overcoming all your troubles. Don't succumb

Answer 8

Who is getting married, you or your mother? I don't understand how she can call off your wedding. Unless you're living in a country where you don't have any rights, just tell her to stop interfering, marry the guy and get away from her.

Answer 9

Have a talk with your mum. Just tell her that you're marrying your fiance and nothing she says or does is going to change that. If she respects and loves you she should be accepting of your decisions

Answer 10

Tell she is not marrying him, you are...Tell her either she respects your decision or if he makes her that unhappy, do not come to the wedding. You have to put your foot down now, if you don't your mother will have something bad to say about everything you two do....end it now....