I was engaged for the last 6 years and for the last 4 of them he has been emotionally abusive and at the end became physically abusive. Since I left he says he has given up his drug habit and has reallised how wrong his actions were and he is willing to do anything to make it up to me. I have just found out I am pregnant to him but I haven't told him yet. I have suffered depression for over 20 years and I don't know who I am anymore and I want time to figure that out and get my head together but he wants me to come back so he can help me and make up for his past mistakes. What should I do?
2006-12-29 18:07:46 · 15 answers · asked by Christine B 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dang, you just summarized my last marriage! You will do whatever is in your heart, but I am here to tell you that most likely he means well and thinks that he can change. I hope that is the case. It wasn't with mine at all. I took him back only to find out six months later that he was using again and started up with the abuse again and I wound up in the hospital. Don't let this happen to you! At this point, you need to think about you and your child's safety. Think long and hard before making this decision. If you ever want to chat or talk about this, let me know. I know how tough this can be and it helps sometimes to have someone to talk to....even if it just means venting! Good luck, Doll!
My contact info is on my profile.
2006-12-29 18:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can empathize with your problem. I have suffered some 10 years with Depression and I have even almost gone thr whole route and ended it. It is a terrible thing to live with and I know you know what I am talking about. While I have suffered from depression I have tried to see ladies whom I thought I liked but my depression too often ran them off. I had a lady in Florida whom I thought I loved say she would help me get through my depression. She didn't. She left me and said she couldn't stand seeing me anymore. She said I had too many ups and downs. I am sure you have and may still be experiencing them. You need time and professional help not a guy who says he will help you because he will get very upset at times with you and more than likely make matters worse like this lady did for me. I am seeing and have been to no less than 6 therapists. The latest is a good therapist and I like her but she is going on maternity leave next week and will be gone for 2 months. I don't know what I am going to do. I am so out of control emotionally and can't help it. I am sorry you are pregnant because that just complicates things. Don't tell him you are pregnant. That would be the wrong thing to do. I got a book by a doctor and a minister and have been reading it. It is called, "Conquering Depression." It is a great book and is helping me. You should get this book and I want you to know I am willing to help you too and maybe we can help each other. What do you think? If you want my help or just want to talk please feel free to email me or IM me when I am online. My email is ncgentle_guy@yahoo.com. My IM handle is ncgentle_guy. Whatever you decide I wish you the best.
2006-12-30 03:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a difficult situation and I am glad you are seeking for help. I do not think you should go back to your fiance. The first reason being that for 4 years he was emotionally abusive and like you said, was even physicially abusive toward the end. I think that you should give yourself this opportunity to move on with your life and find someone that will appreciate you and your baby. Someone that is trully different from your fiance. I know that he claims that he has changed and has realized the wrongs that he has done, however, as much as he wants to change, chances are that his behavior will only change slighly temperarily and he will revert back to his old ways. That is what usually happens. So save yourself from harming yourself and now that you are pregnant and having a baby, you need to make decisions for your baby. I do not want to see you near a person who was emotionally and physically abusive to you in the past. No one should have to deal with that. I do not care if he says that he has changed. He is telling you what you want to hear, all lies. So please, get some help from counsilors if you can, surround yourself with family and people that trully care for you and move on and do not go back to him.
people will say that you should stay with him because he is the father of your baby. but you and your baby are better off without him (an abusive person). so do this for your baby, do this for yourself. empower yourself. be positive and take control. do not go back to him. protect yourself. you have a choice to make. once you are back it will be harder to get out. be strong. i know you are. but please so not go back to him... please. i hope this helped and i sincerely wish you the best and congrats and goodluck with your pregnancy...
ps: u will have to let the father know sometime soon that you are pregnant, however, be ready to have a clear decision on what you want. to stay or leave him. think about yourself and your baby, not HIM. he was not thinking of you when he was abusive all those years so now is the time for you to empower yourself as a woman and not think of him!!! stay strong sweetie
2006-12-30 02:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you say emotional abuse that alones tells me you shouldn't go back. I put up with emotional and physcial abuse from a man for five years, was on the verge of leaving, found out I was pregnant, he was so excited promised things were going to be different, yeah it was different, it got worse.
I suggest you leave now because if you stay he will think you will never leave.
Besides now you have a child to think about. Do you want that child growing up in the household thinking that type of behavior is normal?
You need to seek counseling for your depression before it overpowers you. You don't want to be depressed during such a wonderful experience do you? What about after the baby is born, you need to be mentally stable for the baby, you want to enjoy your little one, not recent the child.
Please don't go back, seek counseling and enjoy your baby.
2006-12-30 03:33:16 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sense he was any kind of abusive i would say no definitely don't go back to him.any guy that would do anything to hurt the girl that he supposedly loves needs some serious help.figuring yourself out is always hard no matter what but sense you are going through depression it is even harder.because you are always wondering if what you are doing is what everyone else says is the right thing.but you have to remember that it doesn't matter what everyone else says it only matters on your mind and heart.as for the baby if you have it you should let the father have as mush to do with it as possible but keep a close on it so as to prevent any abusive behavior he might have towards it.
2006-12-30 02:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he must be admitting that he had a problem if he has said he has changed. I would need him to prove it and that can take along time and maybe some kind of treatment for his anger. He needs to know what made him that way. Drugs are not an excuse. He is the dad rather he is with you or not. Depression is a battle that takes some work to overcome. You need to work on yourself and get healthy for your baby.
2006-12-30 02:22:01 · answer #6 · answered by djr8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!!! the first thing wrong is that you were engaged for 6 years, and there are 4 other problems I see on top of that.
2006-12-30 02:20:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't go back, no matter how badly you want to. I was in a long term relationship that ended because he was emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. It was the hardest thing I did...leaving and not turning back, but it was the best thing. You have to protect yourself and you need time to heal...AWAY from him.
2006-12-30 02:19:28 · answer #8 · answered by daphnerst 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me,I have seen it all! He will never change!Be brave, be strong,be independent!It is GOOD to be alone and think.Eventually you will realize the only person you need is yourself----healthy and happy first.Then you can think about having a relationship with a man--a happy relationship!You can do it,start today! NEVER talk to him again,you will find a better life!
2006-12-30 02:19:41 · answer #9 · answered by alchemy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl you need to face him and tell him the situation in which you are now if he accepts the pregnancy than you give him a second chance every body deserves a second chance but if he doesn't accept it just forget him and think about the well being of your unborn child and your self try to forget about him and get on with your life you may find a good god fearing person who would accept you however you are. everyone would accept you only if you accept your self first.
2006-12-30 02:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by queenny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋