My husband wants a divorse after 23 years of marrage. He has been the primary provider for our family and I have worked part time to help supplement our income while raising our kids. He wants to handle the divorse through a mediator but I disagree and have a 60 minute consult with an attorney next week.please send me EVERY question you can think of to ask so I am prepared.
2006-12-29 17:34:46 · 10 answers · asked by donna p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not an attorney, but I have been in your situation. Absolutely hire an attorney and don't settle for the "mediation" thing. Usually, attorneys know all the procedure; there are not much questions to ask. One thing that you have to watch for: be careful who you hire. Many attorneys will promise you the golden mountains just to get your case, and then they will become unreachable on the phone and no where to be found once they get the retainer money from you. Before hiring an attorney, absolutely go to the court where the divorce procedure will be held, and ask there about that attorney's reputation! The courts and judges know all the lawyers who work on cases there. The best thing to do, would be to go to court and ask there if there is anybody they can recommend. Or call to the State Bar association to recommend you one. Do not hire someone from the internet or the yellow pages!!! I have been burned big time that way. Absolutely hire an attorney. Only an attorney can get the substantial spousal support and estate settlement for you, that you will NEVER get if you decide to handle things by yourself or through the mediation.
God Bless You!! Stay strong.
2006-12-29 17:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask what you are financially entitled to in your state (different states have different divisions of property) -- alimony, child support, what percentage of his future pension from his work (which was based on his being married).
What will happen to your medical coverage (for you and the children).
What about your children's education (university or other post-high school education).
What will you do about custody of underaged children. Will you share (joint) or do you want sole custody (and he has visitation rights). Can you and the children stay in the family home.
While you have worked parttime to supplement the family income, you have also been the primary caregiver vis a vis the child-rearing. How does this division of labor impact on your divorce (in other words, a 50-50 split might be grossly unfair since he has stayed fulltime in the work force, thereby accruing more pension and social security benefits and has a better opportunity for advancement and higher salary than you do, having worked only parttime). Do you need further education to improve your earning ability to re-enter the work force fulltime. Could he contribute toward that (since you have supported him in his career for 23 years).
Since your husband is ending the marriage, is there a third party involved. How does that impact on any settlement you might receive.
After 23 years of marriage, you are certainly entitled to some financial security -- especially if you still have children at home (or in university/ other schooling) for whom you are still primarily responsible.
At this point I think it's a very good idea to have your own counsel until you know exactly what your rights are in this situation.
Good luck!
2006-12-30 02:07:21 · answer #2 · answered by pat z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you want.
I would personally get an attorney, most offer free 30 minute consulations. Interview at least two before you decide on one.
Do you want the residence?
Do you want full physical custody over the children? If they are grown that doesn't matter then.
Do you want alimony (you should since you weren't able to work full-time because of the children)?
Do you want child support? if the children are still minors that is.
What property are you wanting to keep? In the house? Which car?
All kinds of things have to be considered.
Don't forget about any debt that was established during the marriage, are you splitting it or is he taking full responsiblity?
What about his pension, do you want some of that? I would if I were you. I would consider that part of your own retirement for all the years you spent not working full-time to mantain the house and kids.
But it's very smart to get an attorney.
2006-12-30 03:46:54 · answer #3 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if you are going to get a DIVORCE you might want to spell it correctly. Otherwise you might not recognize the papers when you are served with them. There is nothing wrong with going through a mediator, they don't charge as much as lawyers and if there are no major battles to be fought in court can save you both money. You'd better not be expecting much in a consult with the lawyer because they won't do much for nothing. You can ask questions until you are blue in the face but probably what they will tell you is how much it will cost for their services and that they won't even LOOK at your case fully until you've put a retainer down. They will more than likely ask YOU questions, basically to find out just where you stand as far as getting a divorce and how willing you are to pay their price.
2006-12-30 01:43:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are very wise to turn down him wanting to go through a mediator. If you did that, you would not get what you are entitled to. Be sure to talk to a couple different attorneys that primarily handle divorce cases. If there are no children, your main concern should be assets and spousal support. Good luck!
2006-12-30 01:46:24 · answer #5 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at your const find out first how much money you can get for child support and maybe even alimony since he wants the divorce, make sure you get the home, and everything you and your kids need. since he is pursuing the divorce, you might could contest it, but, hey if he don't love you anymore, then take him for everything you can, 23 years is a long time for you to put into a marriage and you deserve to have something to show for it.
good luck
2006-12-30 01:49:41 · answer #6 · answered by COUNTRY GIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get a lawyer myself as you are entitled to allot after that many years of Marriage.
Equity in the property you own Retirements as well as spousal support ask your attorney about all of this
2006-12-30 01:45:26 · answer #7 · answered by Redmac1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he want a divorce? Does he have a girl friend or something? Is he gay? Whatever it is make sure you find out and fix it up. If he has a gf you can totally get Alimony and Child Support at least.
2006-12-30 02:05:05 · answer #8 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just tell him you want to the full protection due you under the law, and let him explain it to you. Interview at least 2 lawyers before committing to one. It's their job to make YOU happy.
2006-12-30 01:38:06 · answer #9 · answered by Dorothy and Toto 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about the house, his pension and retirement, all investments and significant possessions (for discovery--would he hide assets? Where would you find them), alimony, child support? Don't assume he won't try to screw you and leave you in poverty.
2006-12-30 10:06:26 · answer #10 · answered by silverside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋