How do I find peace inside?

Question

My first marriage of 9 years ended when my then husband cheated on me and left me for the other woman. I got remarried 5 years later to a wonderful man, also divorce. However, he committed adultery several times during his previous marriage (during the early years - they were married for 16 years). We have a very commited marriage - we have been married for 2 1/2 years, but i can't stop having this small fear in the back of my mind that he will eventually cheat on me also. I admit I suffer from ptsd, and I read too many things into nothing. The thing is that I do trust my husband, but I feel that trust or no trust will not determine this issue. I struggle with this issue. I did not cheat on my first husband and have not cheated on my current husband. To me it is totally unacceptable, and have never even found it tempting. Why are men tempted so easlily?

Answer 1

Who knows why some men are easily tempted? I'm sure they have a bunch of excuses, some of them even making sense. When it gets down to it, it's all about commitment. When a person gets married, they are supposed to promise to respect their vows in every way. That goes for husband and wife. Everyone has the same capacity to stay true to their vows, no matter how things turn out. There's NO excuse for cheating. If things are truly bad in the marriage, either person can separate, but still remain true to their vows, as they work through their issues. But, it's easier to bag the whole thing and give in to the urging of their friends to get someone who would appreciate them so much more. I've seen it done by women just as much as men, so men don't have a corner on that market. Even before I got married, I determined that it would be forever, no matter what. My husband cheated on me...three times. But, I did not immediately yell "divorce" nor did I run into the arms of an understanding male. Each time, we worked through the issues of each episode. I worked on what was wrong in my life, and he worked on what was wrong in his. Because we did that, we've been able to forgive each other, and move past it. So, while you and I are in the same boat, having stayed true to our vows, all we can do is to trust the men we married. My husband had asked for forgiveness, and I gave it to him. Then, I worked really hard not to keep reminding him of it, and allowing time to heal our marriage. Since your current husband has not cheated on you, try to relax and enjoy what you have. Don't fret over something that might never happen. The world may blow up tomorrow, and you'll have missed out of having a good time with those you love all because you were worried about something that may happen. What you can do now is make him the best wife you can be, and make him look forward to coming home to you. <*)))><

Answer 2

I cant tell you why some men are so tempted easily. I dont know what youre going through. The first thing you need to do is realise that you deserve to be happy and not be cheated on. The second and most hard part (for me) putting faith in someone even though you've been hurt so many times in your life. The man you're with isnt those other guys. He deserves a chance. Everyday with something like this is a struggle. But if you keep those things in mind it will get easier.

Answer 3

You need to trust your husband. You can't say you trust him when you have this fear that can ruin your marriage. If you keep thinking about that you will bring that issue to happen in your life... that's how the mind works!
You can't compare your present relationship with his past ones. If your husband is happy with you why she should cheat on him? Try to focus in your marriage into look pretty and attractive, in spicing your life, in making it interesting, in been a wife, a woman and the other woman for your husband. I don't think a husband wants to leave a wife when she is EVERYTHING.
A man cheats when he can't find at home what he needs and wants. A marriage is something like a plant, you need to pour water everyday to keep it alive.
I hope this help you to remove your fear.
Take care.

Answer 4

you are going to have to have counseling to really try and forget the pass, you have been hurt so bad that every time this man moves or do anything that you think to your self is wrong you will jump to conclusion and that not good, do you believe in the bible, were Eve tempted Adam with the apple and the old testament well men act the same way to day, like one women is not enough and that they have to have their cake and eat it to they are dogs always chasing the cat, But than you have your good men to so dont count you man out. He could be the one that only want you, and what ever you and him can make out of life and be happy forever and a day.

Answer 5

There are many reasons and these reasons apply to women as much as to men. Some cheat because the intimacy they desire is not there often enough and they need it in their lives because romance is so much a part of their makeup and personality. Some cheat because they are drawn to another person for some reason and it is exciting and new to them and gets them away from what they perceive to be a mundane relationship. Some cheat because they have disagreements with their spouses too often or because the disagreements upset them and they might be able to find someone more compatible with them. Some cheat because they find someone who likes them and who has money and is willing to spend it on them or they cheat because of their professional position where they meet someone younger and more vibrant and want that sexual experience. For one who is committed and truthful and devoted to his or her spouse adultery is not an option and their love is deep and lsting. I hope the latter is true of you and your husband.

Answer 6

You lack self confidence dear. Hold your head up high, be proud of who you are, look at yourself in the mirror each day and give yourself a thumbs up. Go to Victoria's Secret, buy that fancy black lace nightie, go home light some candles, have a bottle of wine chillin, and if you have a fireplace....get it roarin, put on some soft music, get out the massage oil, and give your hubby a night to remember. Each week, or month, make it something different. However, marriage isn't only just about sex......talk, talk, talk! Communication is important. I hope you find your peace within. Good luck to you...

Answer 7

You put in a marriage only what you think it's worth! You keep thinking somethings going to happen - and something just might! You need to look beyond your comfort zone and see what you should really be worrying about.....how to make your marriage better than before?! Things will always happen that will test your marriage, but being optimistic and living for the next day with the one you love will make you stronger and less insecure.

Answer 8

I'm not really sure why they are so tempted. It sounds like you should talk to someone about those fears. Obviously they're not irrational. But if you keep thinking he's going to do something, it probably will take a toll on your marriage. I think it's best to be honest and talk to him about how you feel. I'm sure it will be good for you to get it out. Hope it all works out!

Answer 9

The reasons are different for every man, but the only way you can deal with it is to talk to him about your fears. I never felt the urge to do it as well, and I am sure my husband wouldn't ever do it, but as a women I know how you feel. I talked to my hubby about it, and I felt a lot better. You should try it too.

Answer 10

For men it is looks that attract you first. Women seem to like romance. It is easier for a girl to walk by than for a guy to sweet talk you. There are plenty of exceptions to this though. There are lots of women out there like a cats in heat that just try to attract men, and just a little bit of attention and they follow. If the wife at home keeps them well satisfied though they are less likely to follow.