I know he is....well at least he says he has fantasies about other guys. He didn't tell me until after we were married. I don't know how to deal with it. I love him for who I thought he was but now I don't know what he's thinking about when we're having sex. How do I accept this?
2006-12-29 15:12:44 · 18 answers · asked by Curious 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
You've lost him...
2006-12-29 15:16:15 · answer #1 · answered by 22sa 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am sure it is hard....but I don't think anyone can go through a life with another person and not every once in a while have a fantasy about someone else....Think about relationships that last 60 years....and hopefully yours will....each person at some point or another gets crushes, has fantasies, etc... If you need therapy it may help you...but allow the relationship to mature...after many years together you will come to realize that you are two completely separate people with different desires and interests (as well as some in common).... The love that grows in the long term is one where you are on the same path and in the same life together...partners...a team.....friends...lovers.... endorsing and encouraging each other.... supporting each other...and creating a life together... Things like who each of you may have passing fantasies about will wane as you go through other of lifes tials and celebrations together....
Stay Strong....
2006-12-29 23:47:54 · answer #2 · answered by City 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has given you no indication that he is acting on his bisexuality, then set aside your worries. I can't imagine why he would ever tell you such a private thing about himself, unless it was absolutely necessary. I think it was a mistake on his part. Spouses should not tell each other everything about themselves.
You can't change what he is. If he is othewise a good husband and partner for you, give all of this a rest. I'm going to tell you a big secret about men: Almost all of them are bisexual to some degree. But that doesn't meant they act on it, especially if they are lucky enough to find a woman and have a successful relationship with her. The only one I see destroying your marriage over this is you -- by continually dwelling on it.
2006-12-30 02:35:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you be upset if he was thinking about Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie? Would you care if he was fantasizing about other women? So long as he kept it strictly to fantasies? If not, then don't worry about this. If you trust him to not cheat on you with a woman, why not trust him to not cheat on you with a man?
However, family counselling (with a counsellor who speciallizes in mixed-orientation marriages) might be a good idea, as well, if you are truly worried about how his bisexuality (which may or may not actually be valid) will affect things.
Keep in mind, as well, that just because someone fantasizes about someting doesn't mean they will go out of their way to make it come true, or even take the offer if it is made.
2006-12-30 00:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by sexy_sorceress_169 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has to be extremely difficult for you, and I sympathize. I can't imagine what I would do in a similar circumstance. But don't jump to conclusions that he's actually been with men just because he fantasizes about it. And he could be just saying those things to get a rise out of you. It would seem that men who are gay do not enjoy having sex with women and do not desire women. So if you're still having sex and he seems to be turned on to you completely, I don't think you have that much to worry about.
2006-12-29 23:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because he can be potentially attacted to men and/or women, i doesn't mean that he can't be 100% happy and in love with you.
as far as what is he thinking of when having sex? well, that's the wonderful power of individualism... you will never really know what he is thinking... then again, he will never know what you are thinking... can you honestly say that your mind has never gone wandering while you have been married? nothing wrong with wandering minds.. as long as you are both faithful and committed, neither of you have anything to worry about...
but should the day come when he asks your permission to be with a man, then you'll havei problems... but hopefully it will never come to that...
2006-12-29 23:38:17 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have the impression he does not enjoy it when you are having sex I would tell him to find a male partner as soon as possible because I don't want a nice girl like you being forced any longer to have sex with a homosexual who trapped you in marriage
2006-12-29 23:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mariage is strong and you talk to him about it and bring it out in the open, then you 2 can get thru this with out divorce. Make it a lil more adventurous in the bedroom for him, and let him try experimenting with it using a dildo or strap on. It may just be a curiosity that he feels he needs to satisfy.
2006-12-30 19:01:25 · answer #8 · answered by bassbuster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, thats hard for a woman to handle. I would ask him what his idea of a 3'some is. Most guys that just have' thoughts' would say 2 girls and a guy, if he says 2 guys and a girl, you might want to consider going to counceling just fory you, cause its hard to deal with this type of stuff.
talk to him, ask him 1000's of questions., if you really do love him, and he just fantasises about it, i think you will be ok, but don't take my advice, seek a professional
2006-12-29 23:16:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to find a counselor who specializes in mixed orientation marriages. Some of them work, many do not, but it sounds like you need someone to help guide you two throught the process. I would check out this site: http://www.joekort.com/mixed_orientation_marriages.htm
Read up and try to find a good counselor near you!
2006-12-30 00:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do i start this? besides my husband is bi and i found lil bit before we got married. I was in shock at first then came being mad at him for not tellin me sooner. but it was too late i was in love with him and didnt want to lose him... but we sat down and turned off the out side world to talk about this.. i told him i love him and dont want to lose him but we have to talk about this. so after of many hours of talking..
i know he loves me and wouldnt hurt me like that by cheating on me that way..its even made us closer as a couple, cuz we have our own lil secert that no one else knows about but him and i ..
but now we have fun with our sex life we went and got a strap-on he enjoys it and believe or not it turns me on to know i can make him happy in that way ...
2006-12-29 23:34:35 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋