We've lived together/dated for 2 years. Our lease expires next month and last night I told him it's best we don't live together. Today he asked why, and I told him I don't want to live like a married woman until he gives me a commitment (not even marriage, just engagement would be fine). He doesn't understand that guys do this to "get the milk for free" and says he's not one of them-he obviously is. He said "we can't afford to get married, or a mortgage on a house..I can't afford a ring unless you want it to be $60".. I said "who said anything about getting married right away OR a mortgage on a house??"
That was the summary of the convo and he stormed out of our bedroom and won't talk to me. That was at 3-4pm, now it's almost 11 and he has been distant all day.
2006-12-29 14:41:05 · 11 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your instincts were spot on. He is not interested in commitment, his attempts to make this whole issue about money proves that. If finding a life partner is on your agenda, you are wasting your time with this one.
2006-12-29 14:44:14 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Milk for free - so you have recieved nothing out of the relationship form the physical side of things. Hmm interesting, just pondering are you expecting payment of a committment in the long run? I hate to say it dear but prostitutes also expect commitment from their clients too - committment that the milk will be paid for.
Perhaps you need to rephrase your question and have a look at your expectation and the expectations of your boyfriend. Hate to be cruel honey but you need to look at your love life as being beneficial for both of you otherwise you will end up divorcing him in the long run because you are not happy within a marriage or the like.
He is probably distant because he is thinking about the future the pair of you may have if ever you marry. He has invested at least two years of his life into a relationship - he had made a committment to you and you threw it back in his face - if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak how would you feel in the same situation.
2006-12-29 14:55:36 · answer #2 · answered by Ben 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have mercy on the guy. You two lived together for 2 years and everything was fine. What does it change if you spent $50k on a wedding and still live with him? Does it make sex any different or does it change the way he cares about you? You just going to make him feel trapped and you might loose a great person over a ring... If everything is great why change it? Are you pregnant? do you want kids, from what it sounds like you cant afford them right now anyway...
2006-12-29 14:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Diana R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're really putting him on the spot and he's being pressured to propose. Is this how you REALLY want the proposal to go down? By FORCE? I mean, is everything else in the relationship going great, and your only complaint is not having a ring? If so, I think you should apologize to him, and have a conversation about what direction you guys are headed, and a general timeline that you are BOTH comfortable with without you laying down ultimatums. That being said, if you've been down this road before and have had those conversations and nothing has come from it, then yes, perhaps it is time to move on. But move on without the ultimatum. It should be cut and dry with as little drama as possible.
2006-12-29 14:48:15 · answer #4 · answered by julesl68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being fair. You told him very clearly what you need to keep the relationship together. Now it is up to him to decide if that is what he wants to. Are you ready to follow through and move out if he says he doesn't want to get engaged?
2006-12-29 14:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by Kathy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is called 'conditional love'. I won't love you unless you perform a particular action. Good luck with that. Ask women how many times that has worked. When you are married, are you going to threaten divorce if you don't get your way?
2006-12-29 14:46:10 · answer #6 · answered by Nep 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're making the right move to me. After 2 years, it's time for him to s**t or get off the pot.
2006-12-29 14:48:12 · answer #7 · answered by sdc_99 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yea ur bein fair living together b4 marriage is a sin but best of luck
chow RON
2006-12-29 14:46:39 · answer #8 · answered by wwjd 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are doing the right thing. He is not ready to commit to you. Stand your ground.
2006-12-29 14:45:25 · answer #9 · answered by Joe Prosnick 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just took his favorite toy away....YOU. (now he is pouting)
You are doing the right thing. Good for you!
2006-12-29 14:44:31 · answer #10 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋