I live with this man now for two years. We have had issues from the beginning with economy. I couldn't pay my way as I wasn't working. He has always been very oppressive from the beginning. I see him talking on his own, fretting as he himself describes it. It seems to me he likes the feeling of getting stressed. He moans most of the time and admits himself having problems with winter time when there is no light. I have been paying my way for some time now but he keeps on provoking me for no reason. A friend of mine said I am living with a sadist. One day he can be gentle and talkative, the day after he can start shouting in the house, saying I am a 'cow'. When I ask him why, he says I have to respect him and be compliant. He never helps me with the least. I am giving it some time until I can get things arranged to move out but today, when my friend mentioned he was a sadist, I really noticed it was the case. How do you handle a sadist?
Please only serious answers.
2006-12-29 13:36:58 · 25 answers · asked by ladysorrow 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think Kels would be a perfect partner for him as she sounds just the same.
2006-12-29 14:42:43 · update #1
I don't think he is a sadist, but I do think he is out of control and just from the little you have written, it seems you are not in a position to deal with his or your problems.
A sadist is someone who takes sexual pleasure from the suffering of another. The term is also used in a relaxed sense to describe someone who just makes anothers life unpleasant. This secondary sense is not accurate, so I would suggest you put the term to one side.
I think it is more likely that neither of you were able to meet the terms of a mutual dependency relationship and the pressure of dealing with this has made life difficult for both of you.
His need to be respected is probably not designed to undermine you...but is seen by him as the only way he can gain control over a life that has none.
I could be talking rubbish but don't see this relationship for something it isn't. It is not a crime to try a relationship and fail...it happens to most of us. What is a crime is to apportion blame to other victims. Sometimes...we are all victims and there are no criminals. Let it go...and don't look back.
2006-12-29 13:51:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He may be mentally ill or have a personality disorder. Does not sound like a sadist - more a control freak, but this could be in response to the pressure he feels under. The talking to himself indicates that he may be having auditory or visual hallucinations to which he is responding. He sounds quite paranoid too. In addition he is indicating that he is depressed - relate to the Winter lack of light.
If he will not see a doctor or counsellor and get help, you have little choice but to leave to preserve your own health and sanity. However, I would encourge him to visit a doctor in the first instance because it sounds as though he can be very kind when he is will. Best wishes.
2006-12-30 08:27:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps not a sadist. Maybe bipolar. I'd leave now if you could theres no way on earth you have to be compliant. You should be free to say and do as you want, not live in fear of this bully. I can't help you with handliing him as I've no experience of people like him, but I'll just wish you good luck with this and the best for next year.
2006-12-29 21:44:26 · answer #3 · answered by stanno 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shame on you for letting someone treat you like this.
You should get out as quickly as you can. This will destroy your will, if it hasn't already, and there is no way you have to be compliant or respectful towards someone who doesn't do the same for you. People in a relationship should treat each other as EQUALS, and if he can't do that, you deserve someone who can!
Put your foot down, stand up to him.
But, I warn you, these are definitely symptoms of an abusive relationship, and if he hasn't hit you yet, I would be careful that he may. Some people who have control issues like this are prone to lash out in a physical way, and no one wants that to happen to you. Get out, you han hande it on your own. Good luck!
2006-12-29 21:51:14 · answer #4 · answered by The Only 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey my ex was the same,
He was also hooked on canabis too,
I got so low that I couldn't function
He kept leaving me and coming back as and when he pleased even left me 2 weeks after a c-section and once on a dual carraige-way taking my baby with him
I found out a week before her birth that he'd chased his boss with a machete.
Honey I got out once he hit my kids,
I got rehoused and basically I'm now laughing at him.
He has to see my baby on my terms supervised, for an hour a fortnight.
I passed my driving test 2 weeks ago, he spent ages telling me that I wouldn't be able to do it.I did and 1st time with only 5 faults.
My ex used to say bye bi*ch all the time, once cos I'd asked him to feed his baby and another time he left me for a week cos I'd asked him to hold her.
It sounds like you are married to a similar man,
You must leave him before you have no strenght to fight back.
I live in the Essex area in the UK can I help at all ?????????
lots of positive wishes are sent to you mim
2006-12-30 08:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man is not a sadist. He is something else. He is controlling you, making you feel badly about yourself because when you realize what is really going on - and when you think about your safety, you will leave. You need to leave. You need to get out now and find a safe place where he can not reach you. This is the only way to truly remove yourself from this danger. Please, listen to the answers encouraging you to leave and do so. God Speed and God Bless.
2006-12-29 21:54:41 · answer #6 · answered by The Pope 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he sounds like a person that has some real inner anger issues. He needs to get out of the house. I think he's suffering from Cabin Fever. Get his butt out of the house for some activity,even if it's for a walk.
He is going nuts being cooped up. Do yourself a favor... if things don't improve, get the hell out of there, he sounds like a very unstable person. Hope this helps and have a great day. Fell free to e-mail me if you want to talk more about this. six7@hotmail.com
2006-12-29 21:42:45 · answer #7 · answered by six7foru 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a control freak and a bully,you cant handle them ,they cant see any wrong in themselves,move out as soon as you can and let him find someone else to provoke,the control aspect comes from ,him deciding how your going to feel by how he is with you-always looking for a reaction out of you.People like that are very insecure to,so by getting a reaction out of you,it makes him feel in control and more secure in himself-it prob doesnt make sense but i know what i mean!
2006-12-29 21:44:46 · answer #8 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me you were only with this man because you were using him to assist in your 'economy' and that now you are financially more independent, you are beginning to be irked by his character flaws.
For the sake of this man's sanity (which does sound a little fragile) i think you should get out and make your own way in the world.
2006-12-29 21:46:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT OF THERE! That doesn't sound like a sadist. It sounds more like manic. Mood swings for no reason, highs and lows, aggression, spending money for whatever reason, uncontrollable,abusive....get out of there as soon as possible. Don't look back. GET OUT! Look up manic depressive on the net. See if it fits. You'll probably see his name listed there.
2006-12-29 22:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by Me2 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋