dont know where to go from here.do i just leave as she as made it clear there is no chance she will change her mind
2006-12-29 13:17:01 · 39 answers · asked by ian b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Golden days before they end, whisper secrets to the wind ...." did you not spot the signs that would allow you to communicate and rectify things?
Nevertheless I'm sorry to hear it Ian,
I suppose you have tried councelling? Maybe she sees some sort of obstacle that cant be crossed and you are unable to assure her. Ask her to at least see marriage guidance to make it clear in her own mind but dont pester her, you'll only make things worse. If she made it clear then go... dont let it turn to resentment and hate... you may come out the otherside as good friends at least. Be strong for the sake of the family, but dont fall for anyone else on the rebound.
Time does heal (yeah thats what they all say) but it's true, and somewhere someone will help you heal.
2006-12-29 13:26:52 · answer #1 · answered by ~☆ Petit ♥ Chou ☆~ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
mate it sounds as though the decision has been made! i know it is hard but you need to live for you now no matter what! who knows what time will do? she may start to miss you madly!
but do not hold onto that as hope can kill a man!
let her see you are not bothered and even if your not strong let her see that you are!
if you have children and im assuming you do! Please make it seem like a normal thing that is happening,please don't let her or you start using them as weapons as they will only suffer for it!
they still need you to both be mum and dad. i do agree with what most people have said here! i don't think you should move out at all! if she wants a new life then you must tell her straight! the last thing you need to be doing right now is house hunting holding down your job and being dad! i think if she's made her mind then she must appreciate you are going through alot more than her at this time and do the honourable thing and leave you to it,so you can start to get over her and start focusing on being a good father! it may seem as though you don't know what to do riight now and are feeling pretty damn lonely but trust me m8 1 day you will be over her and looking at other things in life!
just focus on what you can have now! ie drinking with mates without a care in the world!
going on lads hollidays without worrying!
be a batchellor again!
do the house up how you want!
get a damn 42 inch lcd tv for the footie!
in time meet other women! and trust me you may not feel like that now but the next time you settle down happily! you will be greatfull she left you!
but mate whatever you do stay put right where you are!
dont be fu'k#d about just because she wants to leave you!
be strong and don't give her what she wants apart from the freedom she is asking for and its in the direction of the front door!
chin up mate!
2006-12-29 15:12:24 · answer #2 · answered by stevo7281@btinternet.com 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
allow her to leave, say nothing, she may decide it isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. from here u begin a new life, accept reality, she may have expectations of u that are unrealistic, none of us are perfect. if she doesn't love u anymore, there is no way you will ever forget that she has told u she doesn't love u anymore, those are pretty strong words and i know it hurts alot. i would say to try marriage counseling, but no reason to, as she doesn't love u, so go out when your heart has healed from this, and find someone who does love u, u seem like a very caring man, and it's her loss. just make it clear to her she can't come back and mean it.
2006-12-29 13:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, take the sensible advice of carmys_daddy above - DO NOT LEAVE! She doesn't love you? That's her problem - you have done nothing wrong and you are entitled to stay where you are. You need to be hard-nosed about these things now or you may regret it later. Once you walk out that door there is no way you will ever get back in. So please, stop and think - it's the FAMILY home, remember? She is the one who wnats to break that up. Let her, but you stay right whre you are.
2006-12-29 13:57:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why should you leave the family home? Do you have a mortgage? If so......dont go!!
Your wife is the one that no longer loves you and she is the one that appears to want a new life, so hell no sweetie, dont you dare leave.
I am absolutely sick of women (and yes, I am female) who think they can just chuck ex's to be out on the street cos it suits them and cos they want to start a new life.
Dont forget, it is your home too. You will just have to sit down and talk this thru. Seek legal advice, they will tell you where you stand.
Good luck :)
2007-01-02 07:12:04 · answer #5 · answered by sel2k00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, DO NOT leave the home or allow yourself to be seperated from your children.
If she is unhappy, tell her she is free to leave and can have visitation of the children.
You and the children STAY in the marital home, let her do the heavy lifting if she is so unhappy.
Don't hand her the home and the children on a silver platter.
She is an adult, if she wants to leave, let her leave, let her take stuff, but not the children.
If she attempts to force you out, get an emergency custody hearing from a judge. You cannot be forced out of your home or forcibly seperated from your children if you are not an abusive husband and/or father.
2006-12-29 13:24:12 · answer #6 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh i am sorry that your dealing with this, you must be feeling pretty down right now...if she means what she says then respect her wishes and leave...maybe go stay at a mates or a family members place...you can't make a person love you and if she insists then don't punish yourself by sticking around....get yourself sorted out and leave her to it, she may regret she ever said it to you in the future, especially when she See's that you've moved on...i feel your pain, but whats the point in staying somewhere where your not wanted...if you have kids together then sort out some plan so you can get to see them, maybe have someone to pick them up so you don't have to go there...good luck....
2006-12-29 15:30:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
RULE #1, what ever else, GET A LAWYER!!! I feel your pain. It seems to be going around these days. There are several books and advisors on "Divorce Busting". If you don't want the divorce just be advised that about 10% of divorces become reconcilled, OVER 50% of first marriages are now ending in divorce, something around 70% of second marriages fail and percentages get worse with each successive marriage. . .you decide if that is good or bad. Other than railing that she is a worthless, Godless, 13itch, and I would agree, know that it is not up to you to make her happy and it is up to you to decide if it is worth the pain to try to fight, even thought it is a no-win position. In this world men are basically screwed. Are you a wimp and willing to tuck your nads between your legs and slink off? Are there children involved? All that must be weighed in your decision. There are tons of resources for getting a divorce on the 'net, in contrast there is not much available for countering divorce.
i.e.: http://solution21st.com/legal/divorce.htm?OVRAW=divorce%20percentages&OVKEY=divorce%20statistics&OVMTC=advanced
Ironically the couples on this page are all smiling!
Best of luck.
2006-12-29 13:52:43 · answer #8 · answered by PartyTime 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its true Ian you can't make someone stay with you however make it clear how you feel if you still want her and love her. Then give her space and time. Maybe she will remmeber why she started being with you maybe not. Just be prepared that this maybe it. I hope you have a Happy New Year all the same. Good Luck Star
2006-12-29 13:34:53 · answer #9 · answered by PottZ79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i think its one of 2 things either there is someone else or she feels that the relationship isnt working and you have to ask yourself why she would think that. Did you get lazy in the relationship? Either way its best to amicablly part ways. No need to fight, she may find out what a great guy she lost.
2006-12-29 13:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by lilly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋