What else can be done?

Question

I feel like my husband just doesnt pay attention to me. I try to talk to him about it, but it's no use. Instead of listening to what I am trying to say he goes on and on about how much he does pay attention. I really dont know what to do. I am considering leaving him and starting over. I mean I think it will take that to get him to notice anything, but even then I am sure it will be my fault. What else can be done, in order to save our marriage?

Lovebug dont assume things. I talk not yell, yelling is to exhausting. And if I leave I wont come back, he'll just notice I am gone.

Answer 1

I agree with water....use reverse psychology

Answer 2

I would suggest that you sit down a write him a letter/email, etc, detailing how you feel, what you feel and why you feel it. Give examples of things that you can remember.

A person cannot argue with a letter. The letter doesnt change subjects or get side tracked. It doesnt become emotional. It simply continues to say just what it said when written. A letter can be put down and come back to with no loss or change. That would be the first thing I would try. You will have to see if that has any effect.

Also, be certain that he has not already given you answers or clues that you simply wish to ignore or dont realize or dont want to accept. I mean, if he tells you that there are things he wants or needs or so forth and you dont give them merit or dont do them, then he really has to ask why he should care to try and please you or change for you. Many people are good at communicating, as long as they are the one talking or telling or yelling. Once they have said their piece, comm time is over. It wont work that way, at least not for long.

Answer 3

If he does not listen to you, then you need to write him a serious letter. Don't give up so quick. First remember why you married him. Everyone has their flaws. When you do write the letter, you should tell every feeling that you have. And also give an ultimatum. It cant be 80/20. Let him know you cannot keep going on like that our you will lose your love for him it will turn to anger!! I've been there, and the letter does work. Or seek counseling where someone is on the outside and can see both sides. But don't give up so soon.

Answer 4

First, you should try counseling, either together or alone if he won't go with you. Then you can make the decision whether this marriage is worth saving, should he be willing to attend counseling and work on his attitude, or whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who not only does not pay attention to you, he won't even listen to what you have to say.

Answer 5

Ahhh...are all men alike or what? I have a very similar situation with my husband. I suppose after men get married they feel like they can stop trying, and they get used to taking their women for granted. You need to try and remind him that other men find you attractive, you need to pretend like you suddenly have places to go, and people to see, even if you just take the car and go hang out in barnes and noble. I don't know what you're doing now or if you have done these things, but somehow you need to make him see what he has. Sometimes to get attention you have to pretend as if you don't want it. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Is your marriage worth saving? If so, get some counselling (it's not cliche, it does help if both parties are willing to try & work on the marriage).

Getting married is easy, but making a marriage work is hard work - probably the hardest work you'll ever do your whole life. I hope things work out for you, no matter what you decide to do.

Answer 7

I left my husband and he had the nerve to say I should have just talked to him and told him how I feel. We got back together and I make sure I have his attention and talk and have him highlight our conversation so that I know he understood. Sometimes he gets upset but I care enough to do it anyway. Good Luck

Answer 8

Counseling maybe, but the best approach is to try to make a time in your schedule instead of whenever to talk and do nothing else and dont let anything at all interupt that time.

Answer 9

I hate playing games but if you've exhausted all your resources, maybe you should just not let it bother you.Develop a "fine-attude". You know, almost like you don't care. Maybe then he'll wonder "why isn't she reacting?". Kind of like a child, if you react to their bad behavior they get what they want. Even negative attention is attention. Maybe that's what your husbands doing.

Answer 10

If you are yelling you are not paying attention to me, and he is looking right at you, yelling back he is paying attention to you, then, he is paying attention to you. You are going to leave him, to teach him a lesson and make him pay attention? Watch out your little plan may back fire, and he may not take you back. Obviously you play too many games. Grow up and sit down and talk to him like an adult, instead of whining about how he doesn't pay attention to you, get straight to the point about your real issue.
Assuming you have one.

Answer 11

Dear Lalala, relationships require two to make them work. If yours isn't working the way you think it should , tell your spouse. Tell him that you hear what he is saying but believe he isn't really listening to you. Tell him it's not about his perceptions, it's about your perceptions. And you perceive he isn't paying attention to him. If he doesn't recognize your issue, then consider counseling, at least for yourself and possibly for him. Tell him the price of your marriage continuing is his joining you in couples counseling. If he still refuses, go to counseling yourself and consider dumping him. He's insensitive. Good luck.