Is it better to forgive and forget?

Question

I am a young man now in my early 20’s, yet I still harbour a grudge against people who have wronged me in the past. Because I do this I feel like I am hollow inside, with nothing but hatred for those who have crossed my path. No matter how hard it will probably be for me, is it better to forgive and forget, than to hold a grudge for life? Has anyone ever been in this situation? I am sure many of you have, but what did you do to forgive someone and move on?

Answer 1

By all means it is better to forgive and forget. If not the hatred is only hurting one person and that is you. Dont live with all of this inside of you, you deserve better.

Answer 2

It is much better to forgive and forget, but not so easy to do.
Remember you can do one without the other!
When I was younger I could hold a grudge to a point of olympic excellence! Every arguement with my siste brought up every other fight we'd ever had - usually because she'd been unfair and injustice still riles me!
BUT I've learned to deal with it. The problem with anger is it eats away at YOU while the pain in the a*** you're mad at carries on oblivious! So I learned to let it go. To forgive the minor and most of the medium things - still not good at forgetting - but if you can count deciding it's not worth the effort of hating as a kind of forgiveness, then I've managed that much.
The major slights I let go of immediately - but cut that person out of my life! I know it sounds harsh, but if they haven't apologised, if we're at stalemate - forget it, I'm not wasting energy and emotion on someone who's intent on causing me 'pain', they cease to be a friend or acquaintence and I spend no more time with them!.
Not saying this is perfect - or adult - but it's worked for me. If we haven't moved on together as mates, at least I've moved on from the incident and am happy after!
Must say this has only happened 4 times in the last 10 years (maybe because people know what I'm like now!), and in 3 circumstances my 'excommunication' has made the other party come to me to apologise!
As I've said, it's not mature, or necessarily reccommended, but it's been successful for me.
Age will help you find a way to either resolve issues in a better way or learn to let go more easily. Life slowly teaches you what is and what isn't important.

Answer 3

Hi Hades, I'm sorry that people have done things so wrong to you that it's made you be a person that your not quite happy with. I'm sure lots of us have been down the same road.
I feel with most heartless people, you don't have to forgive or forget - this comes in time. Your entitled to be angry and at the same time should also learn from your mistakes. If this is a continuous pattern, you need to develop a way to be able to read people a little better. Oh, the years I've wasted and if only someone would have told me this.
After receiving an apology from someone, I usually say 'we'll see' and from that point on I would be cordial, I wouldn't ignore them, just give them a nod of my head, not say hi first and not have any personal contact with them... ever!
You gain respect - it is important you don't put your personal feelings out there - people can use your feelings to manipulate you.
They say you should know your enemy best.
Good Luck in life to you Hade - life is fun you know, don't let others lead you to believe different.

Answer 4

Yes, forgiving and forgetting is the best thing to do. Otherwise, the hatred and grudges you keep inside you can cause dis-eases in the body. It's not worth it as the other people go merrily on with their lives while you are consumed with hatred for them. Go to the library and get some good books on forgiveness. Enjoy your life, but DO NOT give them the opportunity to hurt you again.

Answer 5

It's easy to hold a grudge against someone, I did it for a couple years in the mid 1980's, but 'poof, it's gone now.It's not healthy to hold a grude. It's better to forgive & forget. Don't get your blood pressure up over something that won't make any difference a few years from now.As an epileptic & on meds. people have done me wrong for years, you have to ignore them. There will always be a few people out there that'll do others "wrong". Myself, to forgive,it just gradually wore off, I didn't reply with anything, so I didn't say a thing after it wore off. I also had an encounter with a classmate in 5th grade,that's when they moved here, this guy never liked me and I did nothing to him. He's just that type of person.Yes I tried making friends with him, he laughed at me,but heand his bro. were out to pick fights,destroy things. Not the type of guy I would want to run around with anyway. Hate to say this, but sometimes it could be a blessing. Remember: Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Yes it is better to forgive even if you can't forget. I am speaking from experiences since i have in the past held grudges for longer then you have. You are wise to figure this out now and save yourself worries and even health problems. You will of course have to figure out your own ways to forgive and to move on. Some things were harder for me then other things. A person can pray or meditate. Consider how helpful it will be to you to forgive. Once you start to forgive then it becomes easier for you afterward. This does not mean you should ever be someones doormat!

Answer 7

It is better to forgive. You can never forget but you can choose to stop letting those things keep such a hold on you. I used to hold grudges but now I just let the past be in the past. It doesn't mean I am buddy-buddy with all the people that have hurt me. It just means that I don't spend my time thinking about it anymore and being p*ssed off or pessimistic all the time just because bad things happened.

Answer 8

I'm 16 and i have been doing that same thing when i was 8... it's not a nice thing really... it's like some ghost of the past is pulling you from moving on.. you'll have a very wretched life, and a very miserable life.. you'll tend to be a person who'll find it hard to trust others, because you are scared to feel the pain of being fooled or wronged by someone. you'll eventually be some kind of misanthropist, and even if to others you seem to be a very cruel person... deep inside you maybe just a fragile guy who got traumatized...

better to learn to forgive now.. start a good life... it feels better...

Answer 9

i held a grudge on someone who had hurt me really bad in the past and like you it ate at me inside, i turned into a really nasty person who nobody liked as i always thought about what i would like to do to this person. i realised that this was not good so went to get some help. now i still hate this person but i realise now that they made a mistake and that was not my fault. i have learnt to forgive and move on, i dont think i will ever forget but by forgiving them i feel that i have moved on and have become the bigger person. it is hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, but one day you will wake up and rewalise that you have forgiven them a portion and it will make you feel really good inside

Answer 10

Yes it is. Carrying grudges and bitterness around just makes you ill! You cannot change the events that lead to your feelings now, so it is better to just let them go. (Not an easy thing to do I know).

I had a lot of issues about 15 years ago, and ended up in counselling (not going to bore you with the details). My counsellor got me to write a letter, recalling all the bad things, things I hadn't done, things I wished I'd done, things I wish I'd said/not said, etc., etc., I didn't think I would be able to fill two lines of the page, but I sat down, on my own, and once I started writing I couldn't stop! Things were written down on the page, that I hadn't thought about for years, or even remembered! It was unbelievable - I filled 7 pages of paper up!

I then buried the letter. It was so liberating! and, despite my early cynicism, it was very therapeutic.

You don't realise how much baggage you carry around with you, in the little compartments of your brain. Your sub-conscious doesn't delete after 'x' amount of years, they are permanently stored. Get rid of them, and move on to a better, grudge free time.

PS: I still write letters to nobody! It makes me feel much better. I also write letters to my husband when we row etc., it is a much better way of expressing yourself and getting your point across.

Answer 11

Forgive and forget is best for sure, but that can be very hard.

When you hold these bad feelings it lets off a lot of negative energy, that's bad.

If every time you start to think about them,
replace that thought with something good. Don't let the negative thoughts take hold.

When you replace negative thought with good the energy around you will actually start to change, and in turn your whole life will change for the better. Amazing but true !

Good Luck and have a safe and
HAPPY NEW YEAR !