How can I help my friend?

Question

I recently made an online friend this week, let's call her "Heidi". She is upset at me that I have to return to school next week and therefore won't be online to be with her all the time. I guess she has a lot of leisure time because I think she is an older lady, but I am not sure, all I know she is married and has a cat, and reads every message I write and comments on it.

Today she posted a profanity laced tirade about me online. It was disgusting. I wish something could bring joy to this dear woman's heart. How can we help her? my daddy says I should stop being so sweet and should probably just try to avoid her, but I believe everyone deserves a second chance, like people have given me, because well to put it mildly, I have had my troubles ever since my Mom died a few years ago and then I was abused by another person that was supposed to be taking care of me while my daddy was away. But I have too much love in my heart to let that get me down.

How can I help Heidi?

To Hello There, I have the settings turned off for my protection. I am not using her real ID. The posting was in her Yahoo Profile and in some other messages she posted. And yes you are right, it's partially my fault because I wrote some disrespectful things towards her too. I am sorry Heidi.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about this happening. But I'm a little confused...and I'm new to this website, I didn't see this Heidi you were talking about in any of your posts, you said she comments in every message you write, but I never saw anything by anyone that was critical towards you. You don't have your email settings allowed, so how could she be contacting you? Unless it's telepathically, ha-ha.

I'm not trying to be a "negative nancy", but sometimes the one being harassed is the one who harassed in the first place. Did this happen to make her angry and now she's just retaliating? I don't think she's trying to get to you in other ways, as someone mentioned, and I don't think she's clingy. Perhaps she's just trying to make things right from her side. I think I saw some of the comments you posted against her as well...and from my viewpoint, if you had love in your heart you would not say such negative things. Also, a sweet girl does not have to say she is a sweet girl. This is something that is already shown and a person does not have to prove this in words, it gets proven in actions. Well, I wish you the best. :-)


(additional details)
I doubt anyone would search you out on this site since a person can have an alias, it seems kind of hard to me. I don't think she was attacking you just for no reason. If you said something disrepectful to her, the most you can do is appologize to her directly, as this seams it's what started it all. Maybe you should do this to make things right? You'll both feel better in the end. People that have spouses and animals or children aren't usually the ones you will find trying to harass someone else, harassment you usually see in people that have family problems, mental/emotional problems, etc. I think what happened is words were said, your paths crossed and it turned into a soap opera that can only be fixed with an appology. I see both of you in the wrong, but I don't see both of you in the right either. You need to be the one to fix this. And as it's always said (or I say this at least) you should fix your own problems, rather than just letting them be a problem for others to try and fix. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

It's great that you are trying to be nice to this lady, but if she is hurting you by saying mean things, you shouldn't keep putting yourself out there for her to do that. If she is lonely and wants you to be her friend, then fine. But remember that a friend is someone who cares about you; who is there when you need he/she. Don't quit school or do anything major like that because a true friend would understand that you need your education.

You also must keep in mind that you can only help those who want to recieve it and that we can only give so much. Even if she is extremely lonely, you can't alone take that away because you can't possibly be there for her all the time and have a life of your own at the same time.

Basically, be there when she needs you but keep living your life the way that you did before you meet her. Don't throw yourself out there too much or you may get hurt.

Answer 3

Well it seems this lady has something else for you than you may want. I would not really talk to her if I were you because it is dangerous. If someone gets all upset just because you cannot talk to them, they want to own and control you which is bad. The way to be nice to her, is to say that you want to be her friend, but you are upset that she is being controlling and mean. Tell her you want to make her happy, but it is not possible if her heart is hardened and she is in it for herself.

Just be really careful because nice people like yourself can easily be exploited in this mean world. So the key is to be nice to people that are nice back ,and dont want things in return. It appears you are a young girl, and unfortunately, there are plenty of people that will prey on you. So if it gets too uncomofortable, tell someone and get out! Do not tell this person where you live or anything either.

Answer 4

You can't help those who don't want to be helped. I'm sorry to say, but Heidi seems to be a very emotionally disturbed, clingy person who doesn't have much going on in her life. You are a sweet person for wanting to help her, but if she is going to be so childish just because you have a life away from the computer, she's not respecting you or your friendship with her. The best thing to do is to say goodbye to this person, and hope that she finds peace with her husband, or another friend. Good Luck.

Answer 5

This 'lady' sounds a little unbalanced. She should not be leaning on a minor for support, and to be upset that you are returning to school seemed a little...bizarre... You need to avoid this lady, if she really is a woman. You cannot help her. She sees you as an easy target because you've had problems with women in the past and need a mother figure.

Answer 6

I think it is great you still want to help this lady. But please be careful, she sounds scary to me. You met her online this week and now shes upset you are going to school. Sounds like a person you shouldn't be communicating with. I am with your daddy here, sounds like the lady doesn't have all her oars in the water and her boat is just circling.

Answer 7

It sounds like you have a really good heart and you should be very proud of that, and you should never lose that. However, you shouldn't allow yourself to subjected to peoples cruelty. If she is an older woman she should know better and should not act this way to you. Her behavior is not acceptable and you should not tolerate from anybody. Good luck

Answer 8

dear,
loved one, i admire your courage for not making yourself a victim of your past, but just like you heidi too need to be able to make her own decisions, you will not always be there for heidi because if you are you will make her a victim of your own accomplishment. forgive but do not forget, if she is capable of posting such bad things online then do not give her too much room to do it again, limit your comunication with her allowing her to make her own mistakes and learning from them.

Answer 9

You do sound too sweet. It's usually not a good idea to trust many people online. This does not sound like a good situation, I would report her or block her, you do not know if she really is who she says she is. I'd listen to your dad

Answer 10

You can´t help her if she is unable to occupy her freetime herself. I mean, it shouldn´t be your problem if she doesn´t know what to do with her time. Don´t waste yours!
You go ahead and do what you want to do! And let her do what she´s got to do. And if she ain´t got nothing better to do ... why living her life?! Life your own!!!