Do any of you feel like a low class citizen (or inferior) for having a completely broken family?

Question

For example, your parents are divorced. They, & all your relatives are so screwed up that your not close to them & they might as well not even exist. They were all emotionally dead when you were growing up, treated you like a stranger. So it seems you aren't equal to people with at least decent families because of it. Examples:

- Weddings are for people with big enough families. If your family is ruined (like mentioned above) no ones coming.

- Jobs are easier for those who had family who are at least somewhat successful & give knowledge on work politics. You also learn necessary mannerisms of success. Without that you have to learn everything the hard way.

- Some families help out financially with houses, weddings, etc. You have to do it all yourself when your family is destroyed.

- Holidays are grand for families, even if members have there differences. Dinners, visiting, the warm feeling of being around your blood. WIthout family, it's just you.

Thoughts? Also.......

It's hard to ask those question properly with the limited letters I can use here. But one more thing is, it's just me and my wife. She has a similar problem with her family as well. We are strict about friends we trust so we have two in total, and they live in other states.

It's quite lonely when you don't have any of that. So I wondered if any of you ever felt this way?

One more thing: At work, in the working world so far, I've noticed those who go far and succeed are the ones who had somewhat close families. Some have wealthy families who help buy their houses or cars, even though their sons/daughters are already doing well in life. Some families aren't wealthy in money, but wealthy in love and care for their children, and show them teach them things in life that hepls make them better people, no matter how small the tips are. I get none of that, and I see how it effects the difficultly of succeeding well in life.

And I know I sound like a whiner right now, but I've been thinking about this for a while now, and it's the first time I understand it enough to ask this question.

maybe_im_right08 - The only problem with that is, your not a people person, but I am. And if I try to force myself not to be so that I don't feel lonely, I'd feel worse trying to be something I'm not.

MadameLia - It's true that everyone considers their family to be dysfunctional. But they're are clearly vast degrees of that. Some families are a little dysfunctional, and some are dramatically dysfunctional (like mines.) It's the dramatically dysfunction families I'm talkig about.

Marjorie O - You and otehr people have mentioned this. I agree, and I actually have thought about making my own family better for many years. So thats my plan. It's just very irritating when I come across a life problem, it almost always goes back to my corrupt family. And then I again think about how I will make my own great family.

It's just an irritating pain and wonderd if any of you could relate.

Answer 1

Ok, i think you are mixing up correlations.... first you have a dysfunctional family, this means that you are likely to inherit a lack of social skills.....and you are afraid of people......so the bad news is....... that there is a big bad world out there.......and people will hurt you, when you least expect it....... even people pretending to be friends,,,,,,,
now the good news..... is that we are here to give to others..... and without giving we are lonely......
get over your fear of people, love more, and give more......
passion and art are the best tools to use to meet people and have friends,,,,,,,,,, try karaoke or dancing,,,,,(they help you face social phobias)
if you do not heal these issues they will be passed down to children,,,,,,,,

i do not mean to attack you.......just to be brutally honest, the way i like it,,,,,,,,, done to me,,,,,,,,

Answer 2

No, I do not. My family is pretty much an attempt at a "family" gone horribly, horribly wrong, but I never feel any less than people who come from huge families or families that had stuck it out longer than mine.

I guess it's just because I've learned that if I continue to love myself, I will go far in life. I have to want things. I have to have a passion for my desires and goals.

Yes, holidays and such can get lonely, but I don't really care for holidays anyway, so being with family wouldn't be much fun for me. I'm not a big "let's all get together" type of person. I'm more like "I'll stay here, you guys go out".

I guess it's just easier when you're used to being alone.

Answer 3

Interesting question! I think that people often times project their own insecurities, and believe that other people are judging the same way. In reality, that is just not true. The more you go through therapy, etc., the more you will realize that many people consider their familys to be broken/dysfunctional/neurotic (<--- like mine!). The only thing that makes you "inferior" is your own self-flaggilations. Allowing yourself to grow, and rise above your situation makes you an attribute to society not a detriment. You will become dynamic, significant, and powerful individual simply by willing yourself to be so. In fear of sounding like a Dr. Phil rerun, I will wish you good luck on your journey, and end this here!

Answer 4

Yes, it is hard to not be close to your family. I've learned in my life to allow things to make you stronger instead of letting them bring you down. There are lots of people that aren't close to their families and do fine on their owns. If you and your wife are lonely, maybe having a child would fill the gap if you are financially stable for one. A child will bring all the warmth and joy you need.

Answer 5

My parents divorced back in the early 60s,and it was a bad one.
I had to listen to friends of my father bad mouthing my mother and friends of my mother bad mouthing my father. And it was never fun. We kids,(there were three of us) were awarded by the court to go with my father. There was constant cursing and screaming. Then he got married someone he didn't get along with
And the cursing and screaming continued until I grew up and left home. Boy was I glad to get out of there! As life went on and my brother and I never married. We now live different life styles and my sister maintains that it was due to our parents divorce.
When I was 23 yrs old,God came into my life. Also I started reading positive thinking books. There are lots of books out there that will help change your outlook on life and get you excited about life. There is someone named Zig Zigular who is real good about the 'politics and mannerisms of buisness. He's got a bunch of books out. Also Dale Carnigee has one called; 'How to win friends and influence people'. All very good books. I'm a truck driver now, And I have good friends scattered all over the country. I've had friends who have broken my trust,and even fellow christians who have cheated me in buisness and caused me great losses. And it is kind of hard when God says to let him do the 'payback'.
You mentioned that you had a wife. Do you two lover each other? Is she your best friend? I've heard it said;"Behind every great man is a greater woman." She might be from a screwed up family and wants nothing to do with them, but she has you and you have her. And there is a mountain of books to get you a super attitude adjustment. And you sound like you could use one.
And after asking God to come into my life,which he did,and going to church meetings,I've met and had friendships with some wonderful and careing people. I'm not saying that they all are pure because that's just the way the world works for right now. And I pick my friend carefully.
Are you having money problems? There is a fellow named Dave Ramsey has a real good book out on getting out of debt and staying out. It's a very positive book and gives you a great outlook on life. His website is;'Dave Ramsey.com.
My friend,I think what you need is an attitude change. Things won't get better until that happens. Coming from a broken home is now all water under the bridge.Yes, sometimes it might come back to haunt you from time to time, (It does me) but you can still move on. The better life you long for won't start happening until you start to make it happen .
Best wishes to you and your wife,and God bless

Answer 6

Well ya know man, shat happens. And you can let it drag you down into the ground, tot he point where someday you have a family, and it winds up sucking because you let a crappy home life destroy you. Or you can try to be a happy person with what you have. Don't fret over what you want and don't have. Be thankful for what you do. And be happy in it. Families are over rated and screwed up anyway.

Answer 7

A time will come in your life when you will say hey this is my life and how am i going to do different with my family. You can't carry around other peoples mistakes on your shoulders, just be determined that you life will be better. Life is what you make it with or without those who are disfunctional.

Answer 8

its defenitely harder- but you cant feel sorry for yourself, that gets you nowhere fast. you are as successful as you make yourself so go do something good. and when you grow up, (if your not already,) then try to make a family like the one you would have wanted.

Answer 9

yes, I wish I had a close family that wasn't so ****** up