What does it take?

Question

I mean what does it really take for a guy like me to keep a girl? I'm the nice guy who always seems to get sh** on. And don't tell me to man up. I'm a United States Marine. Until you go through three months of hell at Parris Island you can just leave that subject. Is it wrong to want to be the guy who listens to his girl's problems? I'm currently going through a divorce from a woman i loved with everything i had. All she did was use me and take advantage of my money and benefits to cheat on me while i was gone. So i come back to find i had been betrayed. I'm on the verge of just saying Fu** it on love. Because if it really takes me being a prick and being an a**hole to keep a girl. Then i don't even want to try again. Is that really what it takes? Because if so. I give up. Even though i was taught to never give up. I want someone who will accept me for who i am. If i have to change who i am just to keep someone. Then is there even any point in trying anymore?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you are going for the wrong type of girl. Sometimes we get caught up in the idea of what a mate should be that we don't really see the person next to us as who they really are. Some women can be lying, cheating, jerks just like some men can be. It's up to you to weed out the bad ones and find the woman that loves you for who you are. Take it slow the next time around. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

You weren't used and taken advantage of because of who you were. It wasn't because you were the good guy who listened to her problems.

It was because of who she is, not who you are. So don't change.

Love is always about who is doing the loving, not who is being loved, so don't blame yourself. Some people just don't know how to treat people well. And they have no idea of the meaning of love.

I'm sorry you went thru what you did. Especially when you had to be away. But you have another chance. It's time to let go, time to move on. You need to open your hand. Let go of the hurt, let go of the pain. Let go of the past.

Be ready to accept someone else. Not every girl will be one who will hurt you. Stay vulnerable. If you become bitter or close yourself off you won't have learned from what happened, you'll just be bitter and closed off.

Don't give up, but do take some time. Be friends with women. Let your faith be restored by the good ones. Stay opened to the idea of friendship. Don't worry too much about love. Just get to know them as people and see if you can't find some who might not be good friends.

Let love come around in it's own good time. Just stay open to the idea and don't give up. There is a point. You'll get the point when you find the right person. The right person will happen when you're ready.

Answer 3

I will repeat, for the hundredth time. Women dont like good guys. Women almost always love turds. If you treat a woman well, you cant keep her. If you treat her like dirt, you cant run her off.

Freind, a woman has no reason to give a spit how and what she is unless it is a moral thing with her, which most of them make up morals to fit them too. A woman can almost always get support or backup for anything she does or fails to do. They seldom have to face up to being wrong and they usually wont see it if it hits them in the head. Have you ever met a woman that could not find a way to justify anything she wanted to do or justify not doing what she didnt want to do? I havent. And whatever it is, if it is wrong, it is always because they were made or forced, never that they are just wrong. They can be horrid yet win in court as if they were an angel. Basically, they dont care because they dont have to care and it doesnt cost them much to be and stay that way.

As far as the wrong women crap. Well, I happen to find from dealing with many of them, this is their general nature, not the exception, so dont listen to those saying well, that was just her. Yeah, it was just her this time, but she is far from being the minority.

Dude, if at all possible, remember just how she is and simply change the face and the name. For she is most women. NOT ALL, MERELY MOST. Oh, they cant stand to hear that and they sure wont admit it, but simply watch them, what they do, what they say, how they view things, the justifications they use, etc. You will find that your wife is for the most part, the typical female of this day and time. Dont expect any better and you wont be disappointed or fooled again.

It isnt that I hate women, so no one should think that. It is just that I have found that one must see, acknowlege and admit the nature, mindset and ways of the enemy/competition/other side in order to have a clear idea of how to deal with them, what to expect from them and what they are capable of. That is what I have done and why I say what I have written here.

Answer 4

Look I went through the same sh*t being a nice girl, and I had to learn the hard way that there are a**holes in this world who dont care who they hurt. All you can do is learn from this situation, ive heard about alot of women cheating on their husbands when they are deployed. I would advise anyone who knows that they could be deployed to hold off on a relationship with anyone due to the huge fail factor. Do not give up on love just because someone has cheated you, that is their loss. You dont need to rush into another relationship, take some time off from women, and just enjoy other aspects of your life. Then in time you will meet a woman who is worth your time and who deserves your love.

Answer 5

Hi Link,
That's one thing in life that makes you feel like it's all over when someone breaks your heart!!!! Let me tell you, time will heal the hurt. Might be hard to see that now, but later on you will remember bcuz I used to have the same said to me and every time it turned out to be right.
What you can do is STAY POSITIVE, keep busy and "chalk" this up to experience! I know it hurts but in this situation you're in, it's better that you did find out when you did instead of later on sometime; this way, you can get your life back together slowly.
Let me ask you, how long did you and the lady date before you married? Did you know her well?

Well, when you give yourself a chance to really know somebody before you make the final committment, you find out who they are and what kind of person they are.
(doesn't always happen that way tho---- same w/ me),
but, it's a good idea to be friends first, then date a LONG time and try being away from each other, like "trial" things now and then and see how you appreciate each other.

Also, on the other side, if you start out with your mind set on being negative about Love, it will project onto others you meet, and at this point, it will turn women off, then you will only go in circles. What you CAN and should do is, turn your negative feelings into positive ones and know that there is someone out there who will fill your needs and vice-versa. Ok?
Try NOT to let the B***** ruin the rest of your life because she stabbed you in the back, so to speak!
Sometimes love finds you when you aren't looking.
Just relax, take it slow, and do like the other people have said on here----- get the Divorce over with, take time for yourself, then go out there and date. Only you can take all the time you need, when you're ready!


Try though to stay away from bars and meeting women.
It's NOT the right place to meet others. Go to places where you have interests, and go to Art shows, gatherings and get to know different people!


Sorry you got hurt but you will be OK.
You didn't say how old you are!


God Bless and "Chin up" for the New year coming up!

Answer 6

Don't think all girls want a**holes, you just found a bad egg. I know plenty of women, me included, who would love to have a guy that is interested in things I want or things I say. I would love for my husband to care about me and my thoughts. Stay strong, you'll find the right one, or so I'm told! I can look around at my friends and family who are happily married and their relationships are amazing. You just have to make sure you find one that really loves you for you. Good luck! Don't give up, just start looking for new women in different places, and maybe you'll end up with a different-BETTER-type of woman who loves you!

Answer 7

You'd get even less women if you became an asshole. You sound like a wonderful person, you just have to keep looking. Sadly, your ex-wife must have been a shallow person.. don't assume all women are the same. You just have to find the right one, and being caring and thoughtful will find you a sweet and loving person in the long run. Please, for the love of God, don't turn into a prick. We do NOT need any more of them.

Answer 8

no dude don't be like that. women have stronger reactions to a**holes but they will stay with nice guys in the long run. i'm just like you. i've always been the advice guy and the listener and reasonably quiet until i get to know you and i've never had a chance with most women. and now i'm with a beautiful lady and we both care about eachother equally. you have to do what feels right for you to do. don't be something you're not. what if you started being a prick and suddenly found a girl who thought she liked you but you tried being rude and she ran away?

Answer 9

Really sorry to hear that happened to you. There are real good women out there. It just takes a little time and patience to find the right person. How do you know the extent of a person's morals and character, male or female? The old adages of friendship first, and waiting to share the gifts of lovemaking should be more common than it is.

Answer 10

No no no. Do not give up. I served in the Israeli Army myself and we give all we can, so sometimes there is nothing left for us in a time like this. You are angry and exhausted mentally and have every right to be.
But consider this. If your soon to be lying, cheating idiot of an ex (we all had those), Prevents you from finding your true love then she won. she just won. So say goodbye and good riddance to her, and do not negotiate your identity (We do not negotiate with low lives and terrorist, remember?) and do not become that bitter angry guy who treats a lady like crap. It's not who you are. The lady who is worthy of you is out there, believe me. So finish your divorce, take some time for yourself, and go out there, date and have a great time!
Good Luck