Who was worse??

Question

My friends husband and his wife were seperated for 3 months. They seperated because there was controlling behaviour and he was verbally abusive. During the separation she dated a guy and had sex with him, while he was holding on to the marriage with little hope, but was still controlling and would put her down a lot. They have decided to get back together (with lots of professional counseling) but he can't get past what she did. He thinks its so much worse than what he did to her. She thinks what they did was equal, because even thought they did different things to hurt each other, the hurt is still the same. All of his friends and family are telling him that what she did is so much worse. Who was worse??

Answer 1

Are they 10 years old? They were both in the wrong. They need to realize that there was no "worse" or they'll never work out.

Answer 2

Why would she want to go back to a controlling man-what they both did was wrong-she was better off without him-if he want to believe what his friends and family tell him-then why did he get back with her to make her miserable-family and friends should stay out of a husband and wife business-they cause more problem and they don't solve any problems-remember they are his friends and they will be on his side-the family and friends are worse because their nose is in something that don't concern them-they had better watch out someone will open their lock door and how many skeletons will fall out and will be worse that what she did-people that live in a glass house should not throw stones.

Answer 3

They were separated. If he was that controlling before the separation, he'll probably be worse now. He has the "cheating" to use as an excuse.

The family should keep their noses out of it. If his family has already decided that what she did was much worse, then not only does she have to deal with him, but his entire family - and that will never go away. She needs to rethink things through. I wouldn't put up with something throwing my past up in my face, saying what I did was worse blah blah blah.

Are they 3? Both were wrong. Period. If they want to be married then they need to move on. He needs to stand up to his family and tell them to keep their opinions to themselves. If he doesn't let this go, and stand up for his wife then I can't see the wife being happy at all. They should just let it all go and move on with their lives - separately.

Answer 4

these people are still punishing each other and to get over it they have to let the past go or nothing will change,,,his accusations are still a form of control,,,she eventually agrees,,, he gets control back,,she more than likely did what she did because it was something she could do,,something SHE decided ,without permission,to do,,something she new he would hate,,it happens when one partner dominates and the other rebels,,,,a fresh start needs to be an actual fresh start and without getting all this hard feeling out of the way forever they cannot move on and progress to something more healthy.this is not a 'surface' issue to judge,,she slept with someone yes,,but things happen for a reason,,she chose to do this and he could do with hearing why without using it to get her to say she was wrong and she should be sorry,they both have had problems and need to work on them but if this wont go away there will be nothing left to save,,there is responsibility on both sides,,,,you reap what you sow.it seems as far as she is concerned she did something that made her feel good,something she knew could come from a window of opportunity,, a chance to do something 'bad' and i bet she loved every minute of guilt free pleasure,,it happens,,if you lock up a bird,as soon as the door is open it will fly away,,leave the door open,,it will fly around the room quite happily .

Answer 5

They were separated. What did he think was going to happen. THey should have made it clear on whether or not this separation was still exclusive, or if they could date other people. And he was abusive while they were still together. I still don't think it was right that she had sex with another man, they are still married, even though they are apart, but they should have talked about it before hand, so they both knew what was going on. I think they are both wrong, and i really don't think they will end up staying together.

Answer 6

I think they both hurt each other and I mean they were seperated it is a little different then if they were not. What they both did was wrong but they both need to forgive and forget and if they can't they need to seperate and then divorce.

Answer 7

Personally I think that one was just as bad as the other. They were both wrong, I don't think it should be a contest about who was worse than the other. I applaud them for getting marriage counceing, but if they don't apply what they learn in the counceling sessions it won't help their marriage any.

Answer 8

It doesn't matter. As long as a person sees it as a competition the marriage and reconciliation is doomed to failure. Also it is not his friend's and family's business. Of course they will side with him anyway. Time to move past it or split up.

Answer 9

By far, what he did was much much worse. She did a one-time thing, his behavior was more personality wise and harder to change, and it sounds like this really did a lot of damage to her. If SHE can get past what HE did, she is a lot bigger person than I would ever be, I would never have taken him back. He is being childish, she has much more to complain about.

Answer 10

I don't consider them to be equal things, both are different, both are bad. If he cannot get past it, the marriage will fail. Trust me.