My married friend of 5 years is IN LOVE with me, were guys!?

Question

Thanks to all the people that have given me crucial 3rd party insight to this ongoing issue of mine: It has come to my attention that my friend is IN LOVE with me and we are both married men. The problem is that I do not want THAT kind of relationship, and it has caused some major issues now. He is being almost violent with me, and keeps calling me a liar, and what not, all because I dont share the same feelings for him, exactly. I mean I do have this incredible attachment, he is like my brother to me, for the last five years we have shared everything, except our beds, and wives. Our wives are trippin too, my wife has had enough allready, and wants to move on, but I just can't give up on him, and I dont want him to turn gay or start experimenting with other guys or something. I just want him to get this "Phase" of his life over with. He is so confused about the love we share. And insists that if we "DID IT" he would feel like we are real family, because thats what he wants.

His wife says that she is OK with it, my wife has been back and forth since Christmas, but I know she IS NOT with it. Me, I am almost ready to just give up on him, but my heart is breaking over it. I can hardly sleep. I was thinking that if we did some other FRIENDSHIP RITUAL, like becoming blood brothers, that would satisfy his need for a connection. That's what he wants so bad is to be PHISICALLY connected to me. I dont think he is really gay, but what can I do?

Since there has been some answers, I I re-read my question, I have more to add:

I never really questioned my sexuality before, and lately he has me thinkin' about all this GAY STRAIGHT BI stuff and what it is that my friend is seeking with me. We have been on this 24/7 since Christmas.

Everytime I talk to my bud, it continues to be the same drama, it is almost as if he is obsessed with this. He has never even seen me naked, or touched me in a strange way, well except for sports stuff, wrestling, and after I score a goal or vice versa. We do sports together I am not nearly as talented as he is, but I started playing because it would be good for me too. Yesterday he asked if we could go the movies, I was like sure lets bounce, and when we got in the theatre he asked if he could just hold my hand for a second. I let em, and I got this strange feeling inside, almost like I was being cornered by something that was gonna get me. I pulled my hand away slowly, and I felt better.

He got mad and wanted to leave, I told him to go ahead, but he didn't. By then I allready lost the movie, in fact, I was only aware the whole time of him holding my hand, and was thinking about what it means, what is it he wants, I mean there is no way I am gonna have gay sex with him, or kiss or that, should I just kick his *** really good, I mean fight for my friend? I want him back, this other guy seems like someone else to me now. I just miss my friend, I think if I fought him, and told him angrilly that he needs to sanp out of it, he will.

Answer 1

He very well may be just now realizing that he is gay. He may be actually Bisexual. It may be a phase, it may not be. It may be that physical bonding that he's needing and that's all. I seriously doubt, however, that if he's suggesting some kind of sexual involvement that becoming "blood brothers" is actually going to work.

So, what can you do about it? Well, I have to wonder how his wife gave her OK with this experiment for him. You said your wife has been going round and round about it. Why are you listening to this? You should realize that you have actually been listening to this man asking you, his wife OK'ing it, and your wife semi OK with it, but you know she won't approve when all is said and done. What would best happen for her is, IF you relented, you never told her about it and simply told her you two talked it all out.

But, you are getting authorization from the spouses? Are you thinking about going through with it? I don't understand why you would bring up this part about the wives saying they'll accept it if you didn't have any interest in it at all.

Unfortunately, regardless of what happens here, I only see one option. You and you friend need outside intervention before it breaks apart your friendship, or two marriages.

If you (for any reason) accept this bonding, it's not likely to help the situation, it will only make him want you more. At least, that's what I'm getting out of your information. Your wife will not approve, his wife may find she doesn't approve afterall. You will be disgruntled about doing something you weren't wanting to do, he will wonder why you aren't intrested again. Go with him to counseling and help him find out what it is he really wants here.

If you want to help you friend desperately enough that you decide to accept the OK from the wives, swallow your pride and accept this bonding - to prevent him from seeking it outside his marriage and possibly end up sick - that will be the point where you find out whether this was a phase, whether that act satisfied his longing to bond with you and now he's content and can go back to his life again, or whether he still needs something else. Either way, outside intervention is advised here.

I would be intersted to know how this turns out. My email is available through the avatar link.

Answer 2

It sounds like he is having some emotional or psychological issues. People don't just randomly become gay, and, even if he had been gay for a while, it would be unusual for him to be so single-mindedly attracted to a straight platonic friend.

I think you should talk to his wife about it and encourage her to get him to go into counseling. If he really is gay, he needs to work that out and come to terms with it, and if he isn't, some other problem might be causing him to have these odd behavioral changes.

Answer 3

A 19 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old boy does not be attentive to something approximately love or existence. He won't be able to even purchase beer! he's a new child. what share women has he even dated...2, in line with possibility 3? Why is your marriage a secret? It seams like your existence is packed with secrets and techniques. you could communicate with your husband and notice if he needs a divorce. in case you divorce him on grounds of adulty then he can use the JAG court docket to nail you and take any marital sources you have. The JAG court docket will do this for unfastened. i think of you ought to strengthen up badly. you have distinctive secrets and techniques and distinctive drama on your existence. it incredibly is all your fault. Please strengthen up. in case you break up you would be unmarried for a whilst.

Answer 4

That is the most disturbing thing that i have heard in a while....i almost got sick, reading what u wrote. If i was your wife, i would wanna move as FAR away from this man as possible, and somebody obviously has brain washed her into thinking that you and him should get together, it prob. did not come from out of the blue. As for you....be a man and tell him NO. Y r u even considering or pondering or asking anyone what u should do? y r u asking anyone else's opinion on this matter, when u obviously are not gay.

You r the only one who can make it better on your end. Let him do his "thing" w/ someone else(you r not his body guard, quit worrying bout if he goes and does it someone else...thats His choice, and u can't do anything bout it), you nd to take charge and set down the law w/ your so called "friend", and tell him you r not gonna sin against your wife for his sicko needs. And if he doesn't wanna change his thought process bout the whole thing.....let him go dude...let him GO. Did you knw that gays have a lifetime expectancy of around 35 yrs. of age, bcuz of the many disease that they pass to each other.......... u reap what u sow( this is the consequence for sin in itself). The Bible (God's Word)CLEARLY states in Romans that it is WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

If you r wanting anyone's opinion or wisdom on how to handle your friend, seek God's instructions in the Bible, and do not become vexed(meaning: blinded, thinking sin is o.k. and acceptable) W/ these thoughts your friend "feels" about cha and you need 2 pray for Him, cuz you obviously care for Him.... in a manly way, not in a perverted, unnatural, sinful way. Go and talk to a Christian councelor or a Godly man about your "situation", and don't EVER let your thoughts get the best of you, vain imaginations r from the devil himself. Sorry if I sound like I m preaching to ya, but I truly am hurting for you and your wife and your friend and his wife....i dnt knw bout your stand on believing in the one true God, but I have been saved through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, and there is nothing too big for Him to handle, call me a fool if ya wanna, but I simply believe that God's Word is True, and ALWAYS has the final authority in ANY situation...... I m living proof that He exists. I knw what i was b4 when i was lost and on my way to hell , and I knw what i am now, and it's only through Him that my life has changed, not anything that i hv done. All i did was just simply believed and He made me new.

God says it is an abomination to Him to change the natural use into that which is against nature, man towards man or woman towards woman. He even destroyed a city bcuz of this issue of the "gays". If you truly love your friend then i suggest you pour your heart out to God for your friends own good. Pray that God will take this desire away from him. I will pray for you and this problem, if you would like me to...........and if you don't, owell.........already did.

Don't let your heart b troubled.....the devil is trying to win in your life and destroy all that God intended for good, don't let the devil win. Stay strong, and if you don't have a church home, start visiting a some around you, and pray that God will guide and direct you to where He wants you to be. Don't be scared of your friend, just pity him right nw.....he is letting the worlds "views" on thinking it is acceptable to have feelings like this, get the best of him. You really need to set him straight (literally) and put him in his place, and please hun, ya gotta tell him NO, b4 you r the one being destroyed by all of this foolish nonsense.

P.S.----And by all means, do not let him hold your hand again, you r not making matters better by doing so.

Love and prayers.
An-g

Answer 5

ERR U FREIND IS MIXED UP soz 2 say that but hey you need 2 move on coz u got other people to think about..are u gay NO....is he Gay NO..if i was u lay it down man tell him straight dat he needs 2 fixx upp !

Answer 6

Not sure what to tell u but your gonna lose your wife if this doesn't stop!! You may need to be away from him for this to move on!!!