Does not going to a good friends funeral make me a bad person?

Question

My friend died yesterday after a car accident. I've never had to deal with loss before and am still in a state of shock. I've already told my other friends that I'm not going to the funeral, not out of disrespect but out of not knowing if I could keep it together. I'm trying to deal with it in my own way but I keep getting angry phone calls telling me I'm being disrespectful to the family and such. Someone plz help me.

Answer 1

everyone deals with grief in there own way they can't make you go. Go and see the family after or before the funeral to pay your respects send flowers etc.. tell your other friends to mind their own bussiness not everyone is able to handle a funeral. But just so you know if you do go and fall apart no one is going to look at you funny and point. Most ppl do lose it during a funeral they are sad affairs. but it does bring closure it may help you deal with it better just an idea if you really don't want to attend don't when you are better able to deal you can pay your final respects at the gravesite

Answer 2

Unfortunately for your friends, you are not required to go.

A funeral is for the living. It is the chance to say goodbye, a closure, the opportunity to realize the finality of it all. It is a time for you to remember with fondness, the good times, and appreciate the not so good times and learn from those to use for other endevours in the future.

A viewing/funeral service is not only for the family, but for everyone who was touched by this person. While the family may actually understand, and some other people don't, or won't, it isn't for them to decide how you handle death.

I lost a very good friend in high school. Her parents had a viewing for her, and because she was so well loved throughout the school, the school offered to bus the students who wanted to attend to the church and back. I went. I walked up to the casket. She never looked so beautiful, so peaceful, so sweet. And I saw her breathing. Obviously, she was not breathing, but my mind wasn't able to cope/ to realize death yet, so it continued to watch her chest rise and fall. Never while I was looking directly at it, and it was difficult to see clearly through the tears, but I swear I saw her breathing. I wasn't freaked out, though, I realized what was happening because I'd already read about coping with the loss of a loved one and that was included in the pamphlet.

I would ask you to consider one thing, though. Remember that as far as you need to be concerned, this is not for your friends, it is not for your late friend, the funeral service is so that you can be granted that sense of closure. I don't know how I can convey this to you, but I'll type it out here; without witnessing this service, I believe it very likely that your pain will last much longer, I'm afraid. Everyone, no matter who they are, is likely to have already cried and will cry again at the service. I'm not telling you that you should go.

This is your choice, and which ever one you make, remmeber that you did what was right for you at that time.

Never, ever look back and regret having gone, or having stayed home. Give yourself some credit for knowing you.

Answer 3

You are the one that knows what you are able to deal with. This is very shocking for you and I think that you are very mature to realize that it would be unwise for you to go to the funeral. What you could do as a sign of respect is to send the family a card and write something personal in it. You could also besides giving them your condo lenses tell them how difficult it has been for you to deal with this loss and how greatly saddened you are. Make a point of donating to a charity in your friends name and enclose that with you card. Grief is highly individualized and no two people deal with it in the same way. You are not a terrible person so don't think of yourself as one. You just cope with loss in a different way and that is OK as well. I am sorry that you lost your friend and good luck to you.

Answer 4

Not going to your friend's funeral in no way shape or form makes you a bad person. Everyone grieves differently and to judge someone for how they grieve is nonsensical. Just take a look at the thousands of different ways people around the world grieve--their rituals, etc. differ vastly. Don't feel bad--deal with your grief the best way you know how and if people don't understand that's their issue. Your true friends, and your friend who has passed, know you love your friend.

Answer 5

Going to the funeral is a great way to handle the shock of what happened and bring closure to your feelings. If you cannot deal with the funeral itself try going to the cemetery after the funeral.

Answer 6

I would agree, I still find it hard to go to funerals cos I end up in tears cos of my mum...brings back memories. On the otherhand, have to wonder if you will regret not going.... regret is an awful thing...my advice would be to just go, sit near the back, and you can duck out if it gets too much for you...... dont sit with other people you know who might influence u to stay... just sit alone up te back somewhere that is what I do... ed

Answer 7

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand. Unfortunately, it is expected that we attend the funeral services for family and friends who pass away. If you do not go, you won't get a sense of closure, and you won't be able to convey to your friend's family just how much your friend meant to you. You don't need to socialize much, etc., but you should go. You may regret it later if you do not. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 8

I don't think it makes you a bad person. If you can't handle it, it's not your fault. Dealing with loss is hard. I don't blame you, I wouldn't be able to make it through a funeral without breaking down.

Answer 9

Of course not. Nobody has the right to tell you how to grieve. Tell your "friends" to buzz off. How YOU choose to honor YOUR friend, whether through participation in a funeral or in any other manner is a private matter that's really none of their business. Let them do it their way and you do it your way.

Answer 10

there is nothing wrong with that. i myself refuse to go to funerals (also because dead people scare me) because i don't want to remember the person in that way. it's better to remember them the way i last saw them. everyone says goodbye in their own manner, it's not disrespect if the way you say goodbye does not involve a funeral. don't listen to those people.