I am stuck in a total crossroads. I don't know what to do. I have a great relationship with my partner, however, we are great everywhere but in the bedroom. and its not him. He tries... sometimes too hard... but I just don't enjoy it anymore. I have been seriously thinking about finding someone that can satisfy my apetite.. like on the side... and keeping my love life and my sex life totally seperate... I know it is wrong and thats why I haven't done it. But I can't stop thinking that I am missing out on something that could be a good thing for me. I am a b*tchy person to begin with... well add some sexual frustration to that and its not pretty. I'm at the end of my rope about this and I thought this to be my last resort to get some differing outlooks on it before I do something stupid or don't do something and end up regretful and a born again virgin.And again please, if you are going to be judgmental or rude, don't bother posting. I will report it as abuse.
Only serious answers plz.
2006-12-29 09:15:43 · 35 answers · asked by LuciLill 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ok sorry let me add some more here... We have talked about it on countless occasions. He used to be fantastic and we used to be really kinky... but I am bored of him. And for the record... whores get paid...
2006-12-29 09:21:53 · update #1
wow you guys keep coming back to the same things.... We have been together for almost six years... and like i said, it USED to be GREAT. And I do love him, hes a terrific man and hes the father of my child.. just neither of us bother to put in the effort anymore...
2006-12-29 09:25:41 · update #2
Maybe you need to spice things up. You have said you used to be really kinky and that neither of us bother to put in the effort anymore...
There are so many things that you can do to throw the spice back in and as far as spice from being kinky The sky's the limit.
He used to be great as you said I think it is more that you two have gotten into a rut and you need to break out of it. Send the kids to your parents for the week end go out get a room some where new and let it all hang out and go for the gold.
You will need to take time for yourselves.
Good luck to you two.
2006-12-29 09:37:24 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As much as we would like to belive that sex is a physical act that can be isolated from the rest of our lives, it is not true. The best sex organ is your mind.
It sounds like you guys should look into couples counseling. If this is not an option clean house yourslef and take personal inventory of when this started to happen, if it has always been this way try to determine if there was another instance where you were happy and see what the differences are between these two relationships. Were you in a different mind frame?
Ultimately someone gets hurt when you add another person to the picture, you, him, the other person it is just too sticky. Not to mention the fact that it may start off as a physical act but eventually emotions will get involved and that is when it all comes out.
If you decide to look elsewhere for satisfaction then be honest with your partner and end it. It is better to end it now then to allow him to think that you are being a faithful lover, once he discovers you were not it will make him question you as a person and wonder if what you shared had any meaning to you at all. Deceiving someone you love is not a good idea.
It sounds like you already know this, you just needed a little reinforcment. There are other ways to be attached to your partner, address these and hopefully the rest will follow.
2006-12-29 09:28:36 · answer #2 · answered by msfeliz777 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
LuciLill, no judgements here. I faced the same dilemma with my first husband many years ago. I tried to ignore it, I tried talking to him, I even approached him about having an open marriage but to no avail. In the end I opted for staying in my marriage and seeking sexual gratitude elsewhere and in the end, I was unable to keep them seperate. I was divorced within the year. I'm not proud of what I did. Quite the opposite and I still feel ashamed of it some 15 years later.
There's no such thing as a born again virgin, alas. Just guilt and regret. Talk to your partner. See a sex therapist. If all else fails, let him/her know you're stepping out or YOU leave the relationship so that no one gets hurt any more than they have to. To be left by a partner is one thing. To find that your partner has cheated on you is quite another. To be the cheater, well...it's an awful, awful feeling.
Hope that helps.
2006-12-29 09:33:01 · answer #3 · answered by L R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might have a great relationship with you partner, the question is do you love him? If you don't then end it. Their is no reason why he should get hurt. Remember what goes around comes around...someone will break your heart just like you did his. A relationship is not only about "sex" it's about communication. Have you tried talking to him about it? I just believe that when 2 people are truly in love, sex is not an obstacle. It will always be great and beautiful. Don't do anything stupid. End your relationship with you partner before you end up hurting him. It will be on your conscious. Good Luck!
2006-12-29 09:25:34 · answer #4 · answered by Morena461 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If discussing this problem with your partner is seriously out of the question then you are in the same boat as my best friend, she wasn't satisfied sexually but still loved her bf more than anything, although in the end a sexual realtionship is equally as important as any other aspect in a relationship... my best friend broke it off with her b/f of 3 years because of this major factor and she just recently hooked up with someone who (*excuse my phrasing*) blew her mind....but guess what... she still feels empty and missses her boyfriend more than anything!! I guess the moral of this is that you have to be honest with him.. no matter what.. whether or not the fear of the relationship ending is in your mind.. if you want to keep that person then you MUST be honest..you never know.. you may be able to teach your partner a thing or two... although a word to the wise.. be cautious in the way you discuss this... its sensitive to point out someones flaws... but tell them that its something you want to try -- maybe adding some extras (**if you know what i mean**) I hope this helps
2006-12-29 09:28:31 · answer #5 · answered by a_smile_willfixit 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about it? I know it may be a hard thing to do, but it might be the best thing. If you have a great relationship with him then you guys can probably work something out. I'd hope. I believe that there are many diffrent things you can try to work out the bedroom situation. Get toys, role play, whatever you think might help even the slightest bit.
& If you do talk to him and he's being an @$$ about it, then the relationship wasnt meant to be. I hope everything works out!
Good Luck!
2006-12-29 09:19:44 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one I don't think cheating is wrong but you seem to so I wouldn't go that route your was your sex life ever good? have you been with him for a long time? I think after awhile that initial excitement fades and if that's the case finding someone else is only a temporary fix it's best to just tell him exactly what to do some guys need a little coaching
2006-12-29 09:25:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no gentle way to let a man know he doesn't meet your needs sexually. If you can't find a way to encourage him to improve or explore new or different ways to please you maybe you should end your relationship. Sex isn't everything but if there are problems, a bit on the side isn't the answer. You risk losing the relationship if your partner finds out, and affairs are rarely uncomplicated.
If you can't accept people might be judgemental or rude, maybe Yahoo answers isn't the place to look for advice.
2006-12-29 09:24:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay you have said that you know it is wrong to have someone on the side. So that means that option is out the window. So what is left?
1. You could try and teach him. Men are very intelligent and can learn if your willing to put the time in to instruct. Yes, it will take time. And at first may not be very good, but any progress is progress.
2. You pack your bags and leave. If you can't be happy with the man you are with then you have to find one you can be happy with. Yes, it will hurt his feelings that you are leaving him, but you would be doing the right thing by not cheating on him.
2006-12-29 09:22:14 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, one of the symptoms of depression IS suicidal thoughts, and if the depression gets bad enough it can lead to people committing suicide. Cutting however, is mean to relive pain, or painful feelings/thoughts but I don't know how true that is. If you cut deep enough or into a major vein/artery you will bleed to death. I do hope everything's okay here. Amy xx.
2016-03-29 00:05:48 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋