Is this verbal abuse?

Question

When my gf does something dumb or silly I call her "stupid" or "peanut gallery." It's not said mean spiritedly, but rather like "why did you do that silly?" Although not mean sprirted, are the words themselves abusive? She thinks not, but I am worried that maybe it is?

Answer 1

U bastard hey I was just kidding

Answer 2

If it worries you, I'd stop it.
I don't necessarily consider what you said verbal abuse but it doesn't sound very loving. There's a huge difference between saying "You're silly" or "You're stupid" or whatever AND "I think what you just did was silly/stupid"...whatever. (Or "I think that's a silly thing to do.")
By making it an "I" statement, you take responsibility for what you're saying rather than putting it off on her.
And by differentiating between the person and the action, you're less likely to demean the person.
If you really love her, treat her like you really love her.

Answer 3

Yes, anything that could potentially affect someones' self-esteem is abusive. Whether or not you intend it to be mean, it is. If someone called you a dumba** every time you did something dumb or silly, would that be okay? If you care about her and respect her you should stop verbally abusing her. By the way, I'm not being mean spirited.

Answer 4

As long as it's a joke, and she knows it's done lovingly, that's fine. It's part of what makes you guys what you are as a couple. My husband and I call each other way worse things just to get a laugh. Trust me, the other person can tell the difference between when it's serious and it isn't. But, if you have kids, you might not want to do it in front of them until they're old enough to get the joke. You don't want them talking to people that way not knowing the difference.

Answer 5

Yes, calling her names like "stupid" or "peanut gallery" is verbally abusive. You're lowering her self esteem by using such words. If you really meant to say "Why did you do that silly?" then say that instead of resorting to insults.

Answer 6

Any remark that is degrading to another is verbal abuse. Calling a person lazy, stupid, or slow are all derogatory comments. It would be best to find another way of calling attention to a mistake in a way that is constructive as opposed to belittling.

Answer 7

Right now you are saying it in a funny kind of way. Pretty soon though, it gets old and she may not think it's so funny anymore. We should try to use nice, caring words toward people we love. Try working on that and not saying "stupid" to her for a whole day. I think you will notice a difference right away!

Answer 8

I think it is how it's said. but stupid is kinda a word that can hurt regardless of how you use it and if it bothers you that you call her that say something else. Me and my fiance call each other names all the time joking but we know it's joking if he called me something while being serious i would hurt him (lol) i think it depends on the person and how you use a phrase or word.

Answer 9

If you are worried about it, don't do it. It obviously bothers you on some level, so just stop. It certainly isn't beneficial that you call her these names.

If it bothers her slightly, she may say it doesn't bother her because she doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Answer 10

Ask yourself if you would want her to take your words at face value. Would you really want her to feel stupid? If the answer is no, then don't say it to her. Even if she says it doesn't bother her now, it can plant seeds of doubt about herself in the back of her mind.

Answer 11

Anything that demeans another human being is abuse. Calling someone stupid is pretty demeaning so I would say it's abusive.