Here is my new poem,tell me what you think?

Question

Deception



Feeling like a actor In a play not yet written,
Like my whole depends on lies unforgiven.
Yet I've wandered down a road a lot less traveled,
I still ended up with a life that is now unraveled.

You came out of nowhere and struck me with love,
an angel of mercy sent to me from somewhere up above.
Ghastly vision of delight she cast from her eyes,
A seductress of love,she left me dazed and hypnotized.

I reach out to touch her,but as I did she disappears,
This silhouette of beauty playing upon all my fears.
A ghostly Image of temptation,a delusion of my mind,
Where did she go to,why did she leave me left behind.

She said that she loved me,that her love would never falter,
This Immortal Goddess left my broken heart,standing at her alter.
I tried to regroup,and act like my soul wasn't tainted blue,
The more I began to realize that this story is all true.

She came to me at night,clouding all of my life long dreams,
I started hearing the song of sirens,a warriors requiem,
The hymn of the dead rings so load through out my head,
I start to wonder to myself am I alive or am I dead.

This unforgotten nightmare is now clear inside my mind,
Yet I'm so scared of the truth,of what I just might find.
That you never really loved me,you feed me a pack of lies,
That our love was a farce,along with the tears that you cried.

I now know the truth of your existence,of where you came from,
How did I not see this deception,I must have been so dumb.
An angel sent from heaven for my hearts desires to keep.
Now I see your true face,a demon sent from the deep.

I now know the truth from the hell in which you came,
I know of your true Intentions,I know your real name.
Satin has sent you here to take away all of my will,
and for all that you cost me,I've add up the bill.


You can no longer do hurt me,of this I thus do swear,
I repent all the things you said,don't tell me that you care.
Don't sit there and lie to me,I'm not buying into it no more,
I will not take your apologies,You left me broken on the floor.

Go back to where you came from,and leave just me alone,
I'd rather sit in solitude then continue feeling cold.
I loved you so much,I cant believe how hard I fell,
But now I take all this hatred and I send you back to hell.

Answer 1

This is pretty good. I liked the theme of your poem, and the way you made it flow like a story. You seem to have a natural ability of communicating your feelings. You should try a greater use of metaphors, and more descriptive words in the future. I think it will have a more effective way of protraying your feelings toward the audience, but at the same time, letting them have their own interpretation. I mean, that is what poetry is all about.

Because of what I just wrote I'd probably give you a 7/10. Not bad, you should definitely keep writing.

Answer 2

Well, some one once said that if you put enough monkeys in a room with typewritters, eventually one would turn out the complete works of shakespear.

As for your poem? 10 monkey, 30 minutes

Answer 3

I like it. Easy to follow... but sorta makes you like the person you are writing about, dontcha' think???

Answer 4

It sounds like you're 14. If you are, good job.

Answer 5

It's truly BEEEAUTIFUL. You should consider poetry as profession.