What do you think of this poem?

Question

When I leave my house, and I start to rome,
I'll be looking for my true home.
So I'll start down that path, full of shame,
And I'll wonder if anything will ever be the same.
And not long after when the jouney will start,
There will come a time when the roads will part.
One side will lead to happiness, the other to sin.
And I'll be dreading the answer on which one would pull me in.
So I'll stay where I stand, surround by night,
When from afar will come a great light.
And I'll follow the light for the light shows the way,
And the light will bring joy to my every day.
And the light will lead me to my true home,
And I will be happy, no more will I rome.

Answer 1

I like the poem. It speaks to me of hope, and a Christian hope. I dont know if that is the intention, but that is how I see it. Only thing is that it should be roam, not Rome, because the spelling Rome, is the city in Italy. But it does sound great!

Answer 2

What do I think of the poem!

It seems hastily composed by an amateur. Without sounding overly high-handed, I guess you should ask yourself two questions? Who are you composing it for? why do you do it?
Depending on your responses, you will probably realize that a poem need not necessarily have ab-ab or such kind of rhyme-scheme to be comprehensible. You may also have a certain feeling for your subject-matter and you may avoid such mispellings as rome, journey & blah...blah...blah...!

Give it a title

Seems like the journey starts from "my house" to an unknown "true home" . But the journey starts again in line 5! and the speaker knows that the "roads" will "part" and "will be dreading" some answer" being pulled by the two roads!! But would stay put in the dark (night!) until some strange "great light" beams and shows the road to take to the true home. . . a place of eternal happiness!!

Obviously the poem has this salvation ring ... path of shame/happiness; darkness/light. Sin is not quite the opposite of happiness.

Try writing your message in free verse ie like you would prose and chop it into verse! It may make better sense since you'll not be under the pressure to make "home" rhyme with the obvious
neologistic "rome"!

I thought at first that you had read Frost's classic poem, "The Road Not Taken" but I realize now that you are very much unaware of it. You may want to look for it. A poem need not have just homonymns strung together. A poem need not be written just as John Donne wrote to make sense. Leave Keats "Ozymandias" for now at least. Grab some of these College Students' literary journals/magazines first like The Spoke Reveu and enjoy the craft of the pieces.

Otherwise, I wish you good practice and hope you don't deny me the ten points for not praising your obvious tremendous efforts at poetry composition.

Answer 3

just a few things

1.) i think you meant roam instead of rome.

2.) grammar is always excused in poetry, not as a rule but that it would affect the measure or rhythmic quality of a piece. however i believe you can grammatically correct surround to surrounded without affecting the rhythmic quality of your piece.

3) i believe journey was a typographical error.

your poem

....has good rhythm
....has sense
....is profound
....all in all
.... it's great
....or maybe awesome

keep doing it and would be good if you can share it.

Answer 4

You've mispelled the following. Roam and Journey.
You've misused the word surround, I believe you did mean surrounded. Other than that it is nice.

Answer 5

thats gd
did u write it urself?

Answer 6

I like it.

=]

Answer 7

it is awesome unhhhh

Answer 8

That was really good!!! I loved it!!!