What is wrong with people???...i know they are from the old school philosophy.....?

Question

People that say.."you should stay married for better or for worse?"'.....now you are telling us you SHOULD stay in a marriage when your husband beats you, he is a molester, becomes brain damaged, becomes an alcoholic, or becomes a drug addict??? that is what you aretelling us...This is the 21st century...NO, YOU WOULDN'T STAY"...OLD SCHOOL IS GONE...what is your take on that???

Answer 1

I'm one of those people (in comparison to others my age - 26), but those kind of circumstances warrant an exception.

Answer 2

WHOA !!!!! STOP REWIND !!!!! I am from old school and I was never told nor have i ever told anyone to stay in a relationship as the one's you described--When you say for better or worse that means dealing with the hard times such as financially strained times and the good explains itself--but to stay through beatings?? Unheard of--even tho BACK IN THE DAY many did because it was a families dirty little secret--or if there were an alcohol problem that too was usually kept secret--The reason being is because then many women felt and were taught that if you had been married once you were used goods and the chance of finding a second husband was not very likely--and the fact that everyone wanted to be seen as perfect family units--But today even with rehab programs and if your spouce is willing to attend its sometimes not safe for the family to stay togeather --and lets be fair you need to look at safty first--I do believe that too many people throw thier marriages out the window for wrong reasons that htey are lazy and dont want to work at it--that the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence--
to sum it up here I think what you have heard is that more and more OLD SCHOOLERS are trying to tell you that not enough work is being put forth to make a marriage work--there is no perfect marriage and it all takes time and patience and in time as the years pass it gets to the point where each person cant see a day without the other--thats when you know you have made it through all the better and worse :-) So dont ever throw away Old School it rocks !!!! Just be smart in the decisions you make in a marriage--Marry for life--marry for love--and marry your best friend--

Answer 3

There are no easy answers here. Marriage should be for keeps. One should not say, "Well, marriage is hard, so I should get out of it." No. One does what one can to preserve the marriage while keeping oneself safe (as in the case of an abuser). Marriage is not a self-serving arrangement, so getting out of it because life simply happened is just plain wrong. For example...

If you get out of a marriage because your husband/wife becomes brain damaged, you are being selfish because, to you, marriage means that you get x, y, & z and if these things are not met, then you are outta there. You can still love a brain damaged person, and they can still love you.

People are supposed to be there for each other in a marriage. If your husband/wife is a molester, an alcoholic or drug abuser, don't be an enabler or runaway. Get them help! That's what good spouses do for each other.

In the case of a molester, you can still be married, just that he might need to live in a separate house and stay away from the kiddies until they are grown and can fend for themselves. (House might mean prison though.)

Answer 4

Marriage should not be entered into lightly. I think that much of the problem is not knowing the person well enough before walking down the aisle - or knowing full well that the person has these tendencies and marrying anyway.

But I don't think marriage with someone like you describe should be a life sentence. You can't change your spouse's habits or addictions - they have to want to change.

Alot of people on YA are quick to say "DUMP HIM". They may be speaking from their own experience but don't know the idyosynchrocies of the couple...

Overall, it's a case by case issue. Every marriage is different.

Answer 5

I believe you should try to make it work with the one you married unless they are abusive in any way...which is not good at all. But becomes brain damaged? By what an accident? Means you should leave him I do not agree. Alcoholic and drugs addicts can only change if they want to and if they do not you should file for divorce!!!!!

Answer 6

What you are saying is to the extreme.
First off.. I would not stay with my Husband if he beat me or anything like that. Nobody should have to put up with that. BUT I WOULD stay with my Husband if he became brain damaged.. the "for better or worse" DOES come into play there.
I would be there for him and help with whatever he needed.
I also know that he would do the same for me.

Answer 7

I agree with the staying married for better or worse. I don't ever endorse divorce, EXCEPT when there's abuse. If a husband is beating his wife, get out. When there is abuse is the exception I make in that. Because nobody, men or women should be in a marriage where the other partner is being abusive.

Answer 8

Anyone who thinks this needs to spend a night at women's shelter or in a women's counselling center to see the bruises, the pain and the agony.

Their problem may be the concept of forever. If you married at 19 when the expected life would be 60 years, and men would die a good 5 - 10 years before women, it isn't the same as marrying at 25 and you might live into your 90's.

Answer 9

In the last 5-6 yrs, they have left out for better or for worse phrase because they know that certain circumstances can and will change your marriage status! I do not agree that anyone should stay in a marriage for the reasons mentioned in your statement!

Answer 10

I'm old skool-but I've NEVER advised any1 2 stay with some1 who is abusive, who molest children, becomes brain damaged, becomes an clcoholic or a drug addict.

Answer 11

I think ya need to take a deep breath and relax.

If a relationship isn't working then it should be fixed or the parties part ways. People should stay together only as long as it is good and right for both.