OK, I'll be 21 in 2 months and I've been with my 23yr old girl for over a year and a half now. Recently she suggested taking a break, to "get to know herself". I've been reading all over trying to find out if shes simply lost interest, or really wants to stay together but haven't found good answers. We discussed this "break" and together we decided against it. But now 2 weeks later, shes on the topic again. Are we done? I know she loves me, but on the same note I've only experienced two other girls. Shes been very stressed out lately with our money problems, family illness, and my grandmothers death. Basically, I don't want the break because I don't know her real motives. How can I get her interested again without risking our relationship?
2006-12-29 08:50:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't go telling me she has another guy either, I KNOW thats not it.
2006-12-29 08:52:12 · update #1
If the relationship has run it's course, why does she still SWEAR she wants to be together forever and get married, have kids and all that?
2006-12-29 08:57:02 · update #2
at that age it's pretty common for someone to want to get to "know" themselves. they haven't really expierenced life yet and there are things they want to try. if you're "tied down" because of a relationship it's a lot harder to do those things. don't worry, she probably still loves you, she just wants to have some fun, maybe travel or something, or just hang with the girls. just give her a little room to try new things. and you too! try some stuff you wouldn't be able to if you had a gf. you guys will get back together when you're both ready. i know it's a little cliche but you have the rest of your lives to spend together, your only young once, get out there and enjoy life.
2006-12-29 09:02:03 · answer #1 · answered by it's me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For starters don't assume that she's doing this because she's not interested in you.
You really need to sit down and talk calmly about this and make her feel like you both can be honest and open with each other aka dont start kicking off!
I'd ask her the reason why she feels that in order to find herself, she needs to take a break from you for a while? Can't she find herself by still going out with you? Maybe you could aid her in her quest to find herself, provide emotional support and encouragement, confience boosting?
Also I'd get straight the details of this "break" does it mean you both can also sleep with other people? If she says it does, it could well mean that this could be to do with her losing interest in some aspect of your relationship. But if it does then you need to ask her what particular area this is, if its something like romance or sex you can easily fix this/work at the issue. If not then you need to ascertain whether its a big problem you can't both overcome and bite the bullet and split up. As this could well be her chicken's way out as she gets to "test the water" and see if "the grass if greener on the other side" and if not come back to you(win/win situation for you).
But if you feel this will be a geniune break, then consider your own options to. This could be a real benefit to you and your relationship. You will get to meet other girls; you are very young and have has few girlfriends. And it could strengthen you're relationship by showing both of you what a great thing you've got going on here.
Whatever the result of you chat with her is make sure you do things in a way you feel comfortable with and if you love her try and compromise and give her the space she may need for a little while.
Of course, this could all just be a classic case of "do you love me?" and all it takes is for you to show her how special she is to you with a simple "I really love you, you know"!
Best of luck and don't fret!
xx
2006-12-29 09:08:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is an old saying, " If you love her let her go, and if she was always your's she will be back". If she is asking for space and you know there is no other guy, then give it to her. If you do not she will think you are smothering her when all she really needed was some her time. While you are on the break, just stay committed to her. If she stikes out with someone else, then she was just not interested in you as her boyfriend anymore. Do the right thing and give her the space she is requiring. Nobody ever said that love is easy.
2006-12-29 09:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very possible that a relationship can be in a strain because of several problems affecting it. When one person sees a cooling off period as an answer could be a sign that that relationship is not as expected to be. If your girlfriend wants a break,it's because that's what she wants and if you love her, you will respect her wishes. Allow her that time that she wants by herself, but be there when she needs you. Time will tell if the two of you can be again together but if you are meant for each other, you will be together. If not in this life, it will be on the next.
2006-12-29 09:01:31 · answer #4 · answered by tagara 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, if I was saying I needed a break to find myself, I'd be wanting out of the relationship. Perhaps she isn't sure she wants to be with you for the rest of her life. Perhaps she's testing your reaction. If you want to keep her and you entertained the idea of a break, then that's not a good thing, she'll think you aren't bothered.
Girls go off relationhips extremely quickly in times of stress. It's only a natural response. If we were in the wild, would we want a baby if we had lots of problems? Nope. Her stress is probably coming out in not wanting to be with you.
I assume you probably have already, but you should sit her down and have a long talk with her about how you're feeling.
2006-12-29 09:21:04 · answer #5 · answered by Xenophonix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply put ask her what she thinks she is missing. Or just show the tough love thing and grant her the break. It's so hard this question because it can mean more than one thing
1) she is keeping you close to go see if better is out there
2) she is REALLY being honest and needs a break
3) she is not coping with things and is running
4)she just does not Love you like that anymore
Set her free or it will always be a question in your mind.
Tell her look I have thought about it and your right...this will never end until you go see and find yourself...Just know I Love you...and be done .....it's not easy but she will think harder about it!
2006-12-29 08:58:23 · answer #6 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may want to take some time to discover who she is without the distraction of sharing so much of her life with another person. When I was 23, I did a lot of self reflecting too. Also don't discount the relationship running it's course. It may have and she may be feeling that it has but is still trying to make things work because it's comfortable and what she knows.
2006-12-29 09:04:09 · answer #7 · answered by CAITLIN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could really need a break to re evaluate her life. A lot of things have been happening in her life and having a boyfrind ( no matter how much you care for her) May just be one more thimg to worry about. Not giving her a break could translate that you are being selfish of her needs ( I am not saying you are, but she may interpret that) You need to give her some space, if shes asked for it twice she probably means it. If you try to hold on to tightly to her it will drive her away even more. Let up some, give her time and she will appreciate the wonderful boyfrind who let her air out her thoughts.
2006-12-29 08:57:21 · answer #8 · answered by NB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she probably feel she has nothing left to give you at the minute because she is so miserable,,it happens,,not all 'taking a breaks' are meant as i want to break up,,,,she may be so tired of everything she knows this is the only thing she can let go,,if you get my drift,,give her the break if she wants it,what else can you do because saying 'no' will only add to her problems and if you and her dont really have any this WILL suddenly become one,sometimes your head pops and you want to shut down.clarify with her the details,,,are you still able to call her your girlfriend? can you call periodically to support her? can you still talk to her as someone you care deeply for or is that now not something she wants? these things matter so get them sorted before you watch her leave the room,,,,,,,,,,
2006-12-29 09:01:05 · answer #9 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you allow her 'the break' in theory. Take the friend role and slowly woo her again.
And why are you so sure there isn't another person? It may not be a guy?
She also may have outside pressures such as work or school and she needs a tetch of breathing room somewhere and you are the easiest place to seek that.
Oh, and make her watch the Season of Friends when Ross and Rachel were on a break.
2006-12-29 08:58:09 · answer #10 · answered by Diana R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋