We are both aware of each other's situation and happily living our separate lives. I just wanted to send a quick hi to catch up. We last talked about 3 years ago. I'm asking for advice because I'm a writer, and what's worse a rather intense, emotional woman--and want to make sure I keep it light and impersonal...the way a man would write. Without any feelings coming through. Any tips?
2006-12-29 08:19:49 · 10 answers · asked by morticia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you for all your help so far. You all make good points. Just wanted to add that I have been reading other answers to other questions and realized that life is short and it is better to include rather than exclude people. I just lost a VERY good friend from HS that I hadn't see in 10 years. And this "ex" made a point of saying to me that we should continue to be friends, since we are both adults there should be no problem.
2006-12-29 08:42:29 · update #1
Hmmm...I've been in this situation...lol! I was involved with someone and for one reason or another it just didn't work out as far as boyfriend girlfriend type thing and we were together for years despite that, ultimately we realized we were actually there because we were each other's best friend. We parted and went onto new relationships. I married and he married...when he got married I tossed and turned for days because I wanted to wish him well but was fearful of writing to him because I thought my husband would get the wrong idea or his future wife would. After many restless nights of wanting to send it but hesitating I decided to just do it. I also stressed in the beginning of my letter that it was merely a letter to congratulate him on his upcoming marriage and to see how things were going. Possibly you could begin yours similarly? Tell him that the letter was just because you were thinking of him lately and wanted to see how he was doing and how life was going, maybe also include something such as How's (insert wife's name here)...in case it ends up in her hands so she knows that you are aware of her and you recognize that the two of them are married and then also include somewhere As for (insert your husband's name here) he is doing good or (husband's name here) and I have been doing good. Just so the spouse kind of gets the idea t hat you are aware they're married and that you are as well so as not to cause any conflict in his life or yours. There's nothing wrong with wanting to say hello and see how an old flame is doing. There were obviously other factors that drew the two of you together besides physical attraction that would want you to keep in touch now and then on a platonic level. Good luck! I know it's a hard dillemma.
********************************************************************
I am so glad to read your update! Please don't listen to these people telling you to leave him alone and such and accusing you of still having feelings. Obviously these people have never been in a relationship where the bond was strong enough to keep you friends but the love wasn't enough to keep you together. Besides if you're marriage and his is healthy and strong then neither spouse needs to be concerned as to what your motives are behind it because the love each spouse has for the other will leave them secure enough not to be concerned about your letter. I can't believe the rude comments I've seen on here. Life is too short and if you two left on a note where you can remain friends and neither spouse is insecure...then damn it why not keep in touch! Obviously most of the people on here have never been in a MATURE relationship! That's my 2 cents!
*******************************************************************
2006-12-29 08:31:20 · answer #1 · answered by slinkster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay Sweetie...stop right there....there is no such thing as an "innocent" letter, Even if you just want to catch up as you said this letter could cause you and him waaaaay more trouble than it's worth. The only way to do this above board is to send him something like an e-card from you and your husband & family, I know that you are trying to keep everything above board and I respect that. Trust me...the only way to approach this is to send him something with your whole family plastered all over it. Like a card saying, hi from me and mine to you and yours with pictures, that's what I did to my ex (who was also my best friend) you have to appear above board to his wife otherwise she's gonna worry and if your a true friend you won't want that..... and I'll tell ya why I think this way. I've been in your situation, and sometimes you remember the person a little better than they are cause you aren't living with them...whether you are a writer (and it's really cool that you are) or not, you need to respect the situation you are in now, send family photo's and talk about your spouse and kids often. That is the only way that you will keep it impersonal and light.
Best of luck to you hon!
2006-12-29 08:42:47 · answer #2 · answered by muskokapuss 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the letter is innocent, why are you asking for advice about writing without revealing any feelings? Either you're in denial, or you're lying about the letter being innocent. It appears you suspect any letter from you might upset his wife - so don't write to him. He's married, leave him alone and move on. BTW 'intense, emotional woman' brings to mind Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction - Bunny Boiler! A good therapist could help you resolve your issues.
2006-12-29 08:44:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, just send a general letter that just says hi and see how everything was going for him. Don't ask questions like how is your wife doing unless he mentions it, otherwise do not bring topics like that up. Ask simple questions that have a simple yes or no because if you ask a question that has him writing the word because then you might as well not write the letter.
2006-12-29 08:27:08 · answer #4 · answered by momo13 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why on earth would you want to write an EX except to say f _ck you...my life is so much better without you. You obviously have some remnant feelings for this guy and want to see if he has the same for you. Do NOT do this...it will weird the guy out and make you look stupid.
2006-12-29 08:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why bother writing if you can't express yourself as the person that you are? Isn't that the purpose of writing or talking to someone? Plus, if you haven't talked to each other in 3 years what's the use. Obviously he hasn't tried to contact you and if he does do you think he is going to worry about how he says things to you? No - he would be himself just as you should be yourself.
2006-12-29 08:33:35 · answer #6 · answered by Maggie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WHY dont you just leave him alone.
SUppose you send it and your husband finds it.
Maybe you dont think that it is a big deal but I am sure your husband will disagree. How would you feel if he was 'catching up' with his ex.
Why do you need to catch up with him.
sounds like you are just trying to leave the door open.
YOu are a ex for a reason
KEEP IT THAT WAY it is best for both of your spouses too!
2006-12-29 08:27:22 · answer #7 · answered by xxxxxxx b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you asked me forget about that letter.. Let by gones be by gones. Whats the use? Leave it be..Go on with your life and quit holding on to the past. Will be better for her and you also.
2006-12-29 08:41:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear ......,
Hi! Just writing to wish you a happy New Year and I hope you enjoyed the holidays.
2006-12-29 08:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just a few lines, no emotions. Hi hows the wife? any kids..... K bye. Thats it. don't piss wifey off.
2006-12-29 08:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by Lil Sexy Biker Chic 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋