Is it o.k to be resented by your husband for staying at home, and not working when I'm pregnant and mother to

Question

two girls, age 6, and one year. I wouldn't make enough to compensate daycare, but I can tell he hates it. Our marriage is on the rocks, but is this still not his responsibilty? Am I in the wrong staying home?

Yes its his baby! lol

Answer 1

He made the baby so he should not be mad that you are not working. You are going through a hard time and he should not resent you in any way. He should accept the responsibility of being a husband and father and work things out. If not, then this marriage is not going to work. Staying home is giving you time to rest. He does not know what it is like to carry a baby and raise two other children at the same time. You are perfectly right in your decision to stay at home.

Answer 2

Have you actually sat down with him to discuss this? I see this problem a lot, but I also find that couples have only fought about the problem--they haven't really talked about it. So you should find a time when you are both relaxed and disucss this openly. It might help if you had a chart of how much you would make compared to how much child care would cost. Also, if you're pregnant now, then getting a job now would be pointless--you'll be taking maternity leave soon. And many places won't hire a pregnant woman because they know she won't be staying.

If you would be in a low-paying job, then maybe you should think about going back to school and getting soms skills that would give you more options. Honestly, you might be taking care of yourself sometime in the future--that is, unless your husband straightens up. You should at least have the ability to be self-sufficient, which means getting an education. After the baby is born, you should look into it.

For the meantime, try to make him understand why you're not working right now. But don't take any crap from him--he should not be stressing you out like this.

I'll end by saying that I recently read an article written by an economist who said stay-at-home mothers are worth at least 100K a year if you take all they do and the hours they work into considertion.

Answer 3

First off you need to stop taking sides with each other about who is right and who is wrong. The point of any decision when married is to look at the pros and cons. Maybe you need to discuss what your job is bringing in besides the money since that would only afford daycare. Maybe you get benefits that your husband doesn't and he's worried about that...but there are obviously some concerns on his side.

You need to acknowledge that this decision that you've made puts some pressure on him. If anything were to go wrong in his job then it could affect his entire household, also if for whatever reason he were to get upset over his job and look for employment elsewhere he really would be stuck at his job rather than being able to find a new job.

You have to take control of your marriage by trying to rebuild your relationship with your husband and your kids together so that you can be together in every way including decision making.

Answer 4

Yes and no. If he was under the impression that you were going to work, then he would get mad and resent the fact that you stay at home. Also, he may come home and feel that your not holding up your end of the bargain. My wife and I are/were in the EXACT same situation. If I came home and the house was a mess and things were lying around and dinner wasn't made, I'd be pissed off and would resent the fact that you sit around all day and don't have anything to show for it. Also, he may feel bad about himself and is transposing his feelings to you. Being the "bread winner" is a main tenant to being a man, and if he is barely able to bring home the bacon and support his family, then it could bother him. Lastly, he may be annoyed at his friends and others. If he sees their wives going to work (as is the case for most families now -2 incomes) and sees how much stuff their buying or nice trips, he may resent the fact that your not working and thus contributing to the material acquisitions.

Answer 5

I think the two of you should sit down and figure out the logistics. How much you would get paid on the outside versus how much day care will cost. Maybe if he sees the numbers he might agree you're doing what's best. I've worked with a lot of women that work and have small children, some are even pregnant. Maybe he sees that in his office. The only difference is most of those women are high-paid executives and can afford the cost of daycare.

Answer 6

If you have 2 kids and a third one on the way, it is completely understandable for you to stay home. Because your entire pay check and more will go to day care, unless you have family nearby who agree to take care off. Your husband should own up to the responsibility of taking care of the family. You will have to be smart about your finance and cut down on your expenditure to make ends meet. If you are a good Mother, then he should realize that they are getting the best love and care no daycare can provide your children.

I say this from experience. My wife is also a stay home Mom with our 2 kids. Even before we got married, we had discussed this and before we actually had kids we financially planned for it. When I am at work, I am mentally relieved because I know my kids are well taken care of at home by their mom, so I can concentrate more on my work.

Answer 7

No it is not OK....and you are dead on about the cost of daycare. I would explain to him that whatever you made at work would just get turned into paying the baby sitter. Most men are not aware of how much daycare is. Maybe you would find a job that allowed you to work at home. I think that is okay for you to stay at home you are working....your are a full time wife, mom, and lover.

Answer 8

It seems such as you're helpless and he knows which you won't be able to stay your existence without him that's why he does those issues to you. You deserve lots extra constructive and if he won't be able to rejoice with the little issues you do for him why do you think of he will rejoice with the great issues. it particularly is the time the place you opt on him the main and he's in basic terms too egocentric and stubborn to realize that. He needs to enhance up and mature because of the fact he's definitely appearing like a baby particularly of an person.

Answer 9

no you are not wrong for feeling like you should be home with your children, why work outside of the home just to pay someone else to raise them, you ar right this makes no sense!!

your job first and foremost is to be a mother...HOWEVER along with staying home comes certain responsibilities. are you also taking care of the overall needs of your family? are you making sure the house is clean, laundry is done, that there is a hot dinner waiting for your honey when he gets home? are you making sure your 6 yr old gets to and from school, that she has a lunch packed?

i think you understand where i am going with this. if you want to take on the "traditional" role as stay at home mother and wife then you need to treat it like it is your job and your husband will no longer resent you..

my 2 cents....good luck!

Answer 10

No, I am a male and I do not even agree with this. If you are pregnant, that should be your choice as to if you feel up to working or not. As for the other children, think of the money you are saving in daycare. Put your foot down and just tell him that at this time, you have decided that it is in both of your best interst that you take some time off to raise your children, and not inprison them in a day care!