Husband not caring what I think to let an old female friend stay at my house while passing thru to go to P.A.?

Question

My husbands old friend is coming into town to see him.(who he hasnt seen in 8 years) I have never met her and he invites her to stay a night with us and doesnt even ask me. Problem is, he's been hiding talking to her from me, and when I told him i didnt want her staying, he told me to get the F*** out. He holds her so high..he said the other night hed choose her over me. To him she is better than sliced bread. What should I do? Should I allow this..should I leave him? I just cant understand why he'd choose her over me. This has been an ongoing problem. He says they are like family ( brother and sister) does that give him the right to choose her over me and his children? I love my husband. Maybe I am over reacting. I know everyone i talked to said you cant bring another woman into the house no matter who it is because there are going to be problems. Some were astounded hed even think about letting it happen. Any answers would be of great help..from both men and women. Thanks!

Answer 1

Bringing another woman into your house......never asking you....telling you to get out.....Mam, you don't have a marriage, your husband is your dictator! You need to do what he said for your own good...GET OUT! He is not worthy of you. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Wow! I think there is definitely some underlying issues behind this. First and foremost, it's obvious that your husband doesn't respect you. Why would you allow that? I can understand that you love him, but I don't think he feels the same way about you anymore. Regardless of the relationship, you and the kids should always come first. Imagine if everyone would put parents and siblings first how unhappy people would be? When we get married it's a new begining, a new family.... that should be the most important!

I say you stop to think about if you really want to remain in this relationship. Personally, I would not be able to sit back and take my husband cursing, disrespecting, and putting me down. Good luck with that!

Answer 3

I agree with Ask Me's answer. I think maybe you have some trust issues going on here. She's just passing through, she's an old friend from a long time ago, and maybe he's hiding his contact with her from you because you OVERREACT and are POSSESSIVE and JEALOUS and he feels smothered! The only other reason he would hide this from you would be because he's cheating, but then he'd never invited her to spend the night with you at home if he were cheating, so it seems like you are the one who is overly suspicious and controlling. Apologize to your husband for acting this way, show him some trust, plan a special night for that night, the two of you take her to a great place for dinner, treat her as an honored guest in your home. He didn't ask you to go somewhere else, did he? Give your man a break, let him make a few decisions of his own, you aren't his mommy, you are supposed to admire him and trust him. Maybe if you try doing these things, he will start to look at you like sliced bread. You can't just demand to be put on a pedestal, you have to earn it!

Answer 4

Girlfriend, find your back bone and do what you know is right. My husband had a friend from out of the country ask if she could come and stay at his parents house and when I said, "No" he called her right away and said that he did not think that it was appropriate. That is what a real man would do! (I was not being mean, he had dated her and had "been with" her 20 yrs ago)

Obviously your scumbag husband is not a real man and he has chosen her over you. Shake her hand and tell her "thanks".

So sorry that you are going through this but a gentleman would never put his wife through this. Go find a man that treats you like the queen that you are.

Answer 5

Okay, one, yes he was wrong to hide that fact that he was talking to her. Is this unusual in your relationship? Have you over reacted to things before? are you the jealous type?

How did the comparison ever come up in coversation? Did you ever discuss this calmly or was everyone's immediate reaction volitile?

Is it possible for you to simply and calmly talk to him. set aside your emotions for an hour and ask him why this is so important to him? If you haven't try this. Most men do not understand that women can respond both emotionally and logicly at the same time. Most men can only respond logically or emotionally, not both at once. (Sorry guys!) So if he percieves that you are responding emotionally that is how he will respond. Try a logical, non emotional approach and you will get a better read on where your husband's mind and heart are at.

Personally, I doubt he is out to cheat on you. He could have gone out of town to do that. Maybe he has invited her to your home so that he can avoid temptation or a bad appearence.

I would have her over and see what is up?

Answer 6

OK you love your husband, doesn't sound like he loves you as much. Is this what you want the rest of your life? He has totally disrespected you by hiding his relationship with her and asking her to stay without asking you. I would have seen nothing wrong with the visit, if he had been upfront and honest about it. The fact that he hid it is a sign of something up. If he would choose her over you, then why isn't he with her? If I found out that my husband would choose someone else over me, I'd let him have her and find someone who truly loved ME!

Answer 7

Sweety hate to say it I am getting a divorce because of a similar problem. We don't have to take a backseat to anyone especially because they think we need to understand they are allowed to have a female friend and let us know their friendship is more important than your marriage. I am not saying it's wrong for men and women to have opposite sex friends, but I am saying if a person is married and they have a friend that is more important to them than their spouse you have a problem. Hiding this from you could mean he is hiding more than you would want to know. My husband is loving and caring in most ways, but when we got married he decided to not keep his promises or vows. So I hope you can get this resolved I truly feel for you I am in your shoes.
Good luck and have a great day.

Answer 8

Is your name on the mortgage or lease of this house? If it is, then you call this two-bit whore who's obviously out to steal your idiot husband and tell her to not bother coming to your home to stay and to stay away from your husband or you'll track her down and snatch her bald headed! You also need to put your foot down with your husband and tell him if this whore means more to him than you do then HE is the one who needs to get out of the house! Don't leave your home under any circumstances unless your husband becomes abusive to you. If he becomes abusive, get you and your kids to safety and call the cops on his sorry behind. This idiot is and obviously has been having an affair with this bimbo and now he wants to bring her into YOUR home! No way in hell I'd allow that in my home! The only kind of brother-sister relationship these two are having would be an incestuous one because if he's telling you that he'd pick this whore over you then there's a lot more going on than he's telling.

Answer 9

I understand. I have a female friend from MBA school that my wife absolutely HATES, not because she's ever done anything bad but because I have such great respect for her (oh yeah, and because she's a female.) My friend is heading to Orlando in March and my wife is already bitter three months out. She's not staying with us, as her family is coming with her, but my wife is upset even that I got her a room at one of our hotels. At a certain point (not prior to age 25) men can have female friends that they don't sleep with... it's just not the norm.

It may just be a tact thing that he says he'd choose her over you and the kids. I react equally agressively when my wife gets jealous about things, but don't mean that.

Answer 10

First off any one that tells thier loved one ... "to get the F out" .... has issues. That is not the way to console someone that is concerned.

I am going to dissect your question because there are some things that you say that need to be pointed out please bear with me.

1) You have never met this woman and your husband has invited her to stay at your (your husbands and yours) house without discussing it with you.

This is totally careless on his part to not discuss this with you rather than TELL you that this will be happening. Does he not care for you or your feelings? If he did he would have discussed this with you rather than unilaterally making the decision.


2) Hiding conversations from you and "he said the other night hed choose her over me".

This is cause for concern. He telling you that you don't mean anything to him that when compared to this person you are nothing. How did that make you feel? This is a form of verbal and emotional abuse. By staying with him you are acknowleding that this behaviour is acceptable.

The other people that you have talked to I think are missing the point. Yes there is a woman coming to stay overnight in your home. But the reaction from your husband is the main issue here. If he truely cared for you he would have discussed this visit with you to get your opinion. In addition to that he berated you and your relationship by saying that hed choose her over you and to get the F out.

I can not tell you what to do. Only you can but understand that you are a person that deserves respect. If you both have invested in this home it was unfortunate that he didnt discuss this with you. It would also seem that he is trying to intentionally pick a fight. There are many many vaiables that are in play here it would probably be best that you discuss this with him.

1) Tell him hwo you feel. And USE the word FEEL in your discussion.

"You made me feel like garbage when you said that you would pic her over me - did you mean to hurt me when you said that?"

"I feel like you are hiding something from me in regards to this other woman - help me understand your relationship with her"

If he is hostile in anyway or continues to abuse you or the children it would be best to contact a family member and take the children to them and get them out of that volitile situation.

Don't jsut roll over and allow things to unfold. You need to be assertive and regain your control. But you need to also think about the children even though he may not. They are seeing this interaction between you two and it could cause harm.

When you have gained some contol over yourself and your reaction to this situation re-approach your husband to discuss this - NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.

If you do not get resolution it would be best that you seek counseling or even an attorney if it comes to that point.

Best of luck to you - I hope everything pans out and your situation improves.

Answer 11

I wouldn't like it because he hides his communication with her from you. This dishonesty, even though it may seem small, is a big red flag. He told you to get the **** out when you told him your feelings???? I don't know what I would do. My first inclination is to recommend letting her stay and being as nice as humanly possible--so you seem like "the good guy." But that might be difficult. It might do you some good, though, to see how they interact with each other. Do they seem to flirt? Do they have conversations that you aren't a part of? If she stays and you are uncomfortable with their interactions, then kick his *** out. But no matter what, he should not be hiding his conversations with her from you!! That is just a tiny step away from cheating.