I don't know what to do.?

Question

how do I start!! phew... I have been a relationship with a guy for while, things are going great the only thing that really bothers me is the fact that he sends me flowers to my job, yes a place where most girls don't even get flowers. I'm very happy with my lifestyle but when it comes to my job I like to keep things private for many reasons. Now I have tried to tell him this but he doesn't get it, how could it tell him without hurting his feelings? how could I explain to him of how embarrased I get with the comments of others? how could I make him see that we're still not 100% accepted in society and some things need to be kept private?..
Need some advice.. Please.

Answer 1

Okay.....so you are gay?!
if so..........Enjoy!!! be happy that you are you, if you have accepted yourself why cant others?
wether i am in favor or not of gay people, i will tell you this ...I can tell you yeah blah blah blah talk to your partner if he doesn't understand then he doesn't love you ....sure okay!.........NO!

I REALLY WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS......
you love him sending you roses?..(among other things im sure)
do you appreciate it?....do you show it?
If he stopped would you miss it?.....Do you really want him to stop?

.....my partner used to do so many things to show me she cared....but because i had in mind the "oh what will they say" i lost it and she will never be the same and it breaks my heart that i converted her into something i hate but im still here because of who she use to be not for who she is now....and im to blame for that change.
......and guess what those people still talk only difference is before she use to fight for me......now im the one that is trying to pull this relationship over my shoulders to keep both of us together........................even thought i am just waitting for this relationship to die cuz she doesnt care anymore.

so dont listen if you love him, love him for all the good reasons....after all its your happiness not theres.
dont make my mistake enjoy the rarest thing in life "to be loved"

Answer 2

None of us should need to hide.

That said, if you have been direct and asked your partner to stop and he continues on, then he is sending some strong signals.

1. He didn’t hear you or wasn’t listening. That in it’self is a bad sign
2. He’s wanting you to come out at work. Even though you have expressed your preference not to. Not very considerate
3. He doesn’t care. Which is an indication that there are times when having no one is better than having someone.
4. He wants to let the world know that you are taken. That's kinda sweet, but it sounds too possessive.

Look you deserve some r-e-s-p-e-c-t. It’s that simple. I would suggest that you have a very serious talk.

You don't need to go through this. You're probably a great person and no body likes to be put on the spot--even by someone that we have deep feelings for. Because if that person cared as much about you as you care about them they would have stopped already.

Maybe try some counseling if most other areas of your relationship are good. Relationships take work--only you can decide if this one is worth fighting for.

Good Luck

Answer 3

You can't hurt his feeling by telling him that you need him to not send flowers to your place of work. Hello, he needs to understand there are certain parameters to this relationship. If he refuses to "get it" now, what will you have with this guy in the long term?

Sitting him down in a quiet place where you have no distractions. Look him in the eye and tell him that while you appreciate his thoughtfulness, you DO NOT WANT HIM TO SEND FLOWERS TO YOUR OFFICE! Make sure he understands that by having him repeat it to you.

If he continues to ignore your requests, you know you have a problem. He doesn't hear you on this - he won't hear you on even more important issues - especially if this relationship is headed for the altar in the long term.

Girl, you've got to take control and make him understand.

Answer 4

Whats this bull that your not 100%accepted in society. What ever that is you need to get over it.I think I know what it is. Is it about his race and yours? Short or tall?Gay or not. Whatever it is, get over it.And about you getting embarrassed of comments of others. Get over that too. You can't live for society. You need to start living for your own society.I understand about keeping things private at work. That's on you, how much do you tell your co-workers. And about you getting flowers at work, except them in smile. You don't have to say anything. And when someone gives you a comment, so what.And so what if the other girls don't get flowers send to them. Is that your boyfriend fault or yours. NO!You need to grow up a little.You need to read ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships and the abdication of character, courage, and conscience by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger

Answer 5

Well as a woman I say, You are a very lucky man! Why do all the awesome guys have to be gay...sigh. Anyways accept the flowers! You don't have to let everyone know who is sending them, sometimes a smile goes a long way when people ask you questions. Or just simply say I am loved. ;-)

Answer 6

aww, that's so sweet of him. so, is it that you're not wanting to come out to your coworkers, or are you just trying to keep a seperation between your work and personal life? what kind of comments are they making to you? either way, it's not going to be easy to get this across to him without upsetting him, especially since he's trying to do good things for you. maybe you can suggest that instead of spending money having flowers delivered to you, you can save up for a special date, maybe a vacation. make sure you tell him that you appreciate the affection he's showing you, but you would prefer him to show his affection in other ways as well. hope this helps, best of luck!

Answer 7

Tell him you love the attention, but if he wants to shower you with gifts then it should be something between the two of you, not to be shared with your workmates because how the two of you feel about each other isn't their business. Or say you love the gifts but he shouldn't be so frivolous with his money, just think what a fantastic present he could get for your birthday if he put the money to one side until then...

As regards society's views... don't let the b***ards get you down.

Answer 8

I would tell him that although you love receiving flowers, you would like it better if he sent them to your home. You would both be able to enjoy them that way (and it may be difficult to get the flowers from your office to your house depending on your commuting method). This way you will not hurt his feelings and may eliminate the problem at work.
Hope this helps a little :)

Answer 9

That's tough. Tell him it makes the women jealous and the men uncomfortable so it isn't winning you any friends at work. Bring him to any social events your work has so he knows you are not ashamed of him.

P.S. I didn't like my husband sending flowers to my office, so it's not just a gay thing, you don't have to make it just about your relationship - it's just a quirk about you that he needs to accept.

Answer 10

Just tell him! Say "I love getting flowers from you, however, I DO NOT want to receive them at work. You can send them to my home, but not work. Although I am okay with who I am, and that we're together, there are people who ARE NOT okay with it, and I don't want to push it in their face." Or something to that effect.

Good luck!