I am married but have no compassion, romance or any fun/excitement at home. I am starting to look for more male "friends" but scared of cheating on my husband. What should I do? Other than the problems listed he is a very good man and father.
2006-12-29 06:25:43 · 29 answers · asked by ♥ Lady L ♥ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please leave the "guy friend" thing alone and talk to your husband. Don't set yourself up to cheat.
Tell your husband that you love him and that you would like to get closer as a couple and try (as a couple) to carve out quality time. Marriage and any relationship for that matter, is work. It is not going to be fun, passion and excitement every moment of your journey however there should not be a total void of these things. You both need to find a balance. Also, see what your husband is feeling. Have him really talk to you. And don't just hear what he is saying but truly listen with your heart. It has been my experience that men have a hard time expressing themselves. Make sure that you provide a sense of safety so that he feels that it is ok to be honest with you about how he feels.
Your relationship is not beyond hope. If you have a good man, (which you say that you do) then he will be more than willing to work on building up the relationship. You have a lot invested here. Don't give up.
2006-12-29 06:36:13 · answer #1 · answered by A M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well there is one thing I would definitely do before anything else and that is sit down with him and tell him that the romance and fun are gone. Trust me a marriage cannot last on just being a good man, and good father. You need to re-evaluate your feelings, see if there is any way that you can get the excitement and spark back in your life. All that getting more male "friends" will do is give you temptation to do things that it sounds like you really don't want to do. If you really think he is a good man, then be honest with him and deal with the relationship that you are in now in an honest and open way. Don't go starting another relationship on the side before you have done everything you possibly can do to remedy this one. Seriously tell him your bored, and you need more excitement, see if you can get a sitter and have a "date" night or even better a "date weekend" to rekindle things and talk this out. If you are sure that there is no possible chance for any more romance and/or excitement between you two, then you need to face this before you move on to someone else. You may not be able to save your marriage, however you will keep your self respect and integrity and also the respect of your children.
Good luck to you hon!
2006-12-29 14:38:01 · answer #2 · answered by muskokapuss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's amazing how many people have the same problem you do. Alot of people say the excitement is gone, etc. Sometimes you have to be the one to recreate the spark. Once people get married, they fall into a state of complacency. They get too comfortable. Marriage is something you have to work at....both you and your husband together. Don't wait for the romance and the sparks to come back. Make them come back. But don't go cheating. That will solve absolutely nothing.
2006-12-29 14:38:49 · answer #3 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is possible to be married and still feel alone. (I am not married, btw). If you are worried about cheating, I would look into things that you and your husband could do together. Get interested in each others activities, or if you've tried that, try new things together. Read a book together at night, go to a new place nearby, go on a picnic. There are tons of books in the bookstores that give you daily things you could do to spice things up (not just sexually, but the relationship in general.) Cook dinner naked, give him a little dance, write a love letter, give a massage. Grab one of those books and flip through it before you buy it. There are ideas galore for inside and outside of the bedroom. Good luck!
2006-12-29 14:30:33 · answer #4 · answered by GiMo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have discovered what being married is all about. No one ever tells you that when you are gettin married, though. Everyone is so happy for you and you're so in love. They leave out the part that once reality sets in, marriage is a life-long commitment to boredom, status quo, and misery. That's why the divorce rate keeps going up!!! Marriage is overrated and you should look out for yourself and make yourself happy. Just be fair to your husband and get a divorce before getting involved with another man.
2006-12-29 14:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married is Married there is no other way to look at it. I think that you might suggest to him that you wish to discuss what you are feeling. If he is a good man and good to your children it might be an idea to see if the marriage can be salvaged.
talking is a sure way to see if things can be turned around and repaired. It takes a great deal to keep a marriage working in good order Good Luck
If you are seeking other male companions it might be a good idea to separate if you don't believe you can salvage your marriage
think about this strongly as you may have a really great guy .
2006-12-29 14:35:36 · answer #6 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cheat what-ever you do. Need to talk to him and get this out in the open. I know you don't want to hear about couseling, but maybe talk to your minister at least. Try your best to revive your marriage. If it ends up failing, at least you won't have any regrets. Just don't lower yourself to cheating because that will be really hard on everyone, even the children. If you get away with cheating, you will have a black cloud over you forever. Not worth the guilt.
Get help with your marriage if you have to. Good Luck
2006-12-29 14:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your man. What does he say about it? You never know, he may feel the same way as you. The older I get the more true I think the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture". But I hear what your saying. My wife and I are often on different wave lengths about lots of things. Sometimes it makes you wonder. Good luck to you.
2006-12-29 14:30:36 · answer #8 · answered by [><] Rebel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy and you cannot resolve these feelings, don't cheat on him. You will feel better about yourself and your marriage if you walk away and start anew than you would if you put excess turmoil between you. Try to communicate with him first and if you still feel so alone, go from there. And yes, it is very possible to be married and feel very single. Ask any workaholics wife and she will agree.
2006-12-29 14:37:17 · answer #9 · answered by Hardly Blonde ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happens every day.
Try hard not to cheat as it might be a phase that your husband is going thru.
If you find a male friend, it might make things worse for you and your kids if he finds out
or worse than that, if you fall in love with the new friend.
Is there any way to talk to your husband?
If not, maybe you can jumpstart the romance again.,
Dinner
candles
maybe send him some flowers at work
GOOD LUCK!
2006-12-29 14:28:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋