Is it my responsibility?

Question

I am engaged to a man who has a child from a previous marriage and I watch him and take him to and from school on my fiances days he has him, and watch him while he is off school. I am in school full time and work part time, I also have a 6 month old daughter i have to care for and His mother is a piece of sh**and everyone keeps telling me He doesn't need to see his mother, you should just keep him all xmas break and he is a good boy but Ihave a full schedule and I feel like her neglecting him, Means I have him and I don't get to spend as much time with my daughter. I feel like my fiance,and his family and friends should be telling his mother to step up and raise him not me.

Answer 1

I don't think it's your responsibility, but thats just MY opinion. Everybody is so quick to say...If you love and marry the man, you also get the kids with that same deal. well of course kids from previous relationships just don't dissappear, but sounds like dad is putting his child off on you too. You shouldn't have to ask your husand to keep his own child. Just tell him. you've got enough to do with your own baby. That's not be selfish at all. Luckily you have a good step-son. And sometimes when you try too love that child as if it were your own, he won't love you back and sometimes he will. It's just the luck of the draw. Why should you be the automatic babysitter cause you are going to marry this guy? Do you boo. If you need a break you need a break, everyone else is on one.

Answer 2

If his mother isn't taking care of him now, someone telling her to do isn't going to change things. You can clearly see the picture now, you will be the main mother figure in all of this, but I don't think it's bad to ask your husband that once in a while he needs to watch his son or ask his parents to watch him because you need some space, or a break, or you just want to spend one on one time with your daughter. Don't fool yourself into thinking that anything will change however, the kid's mom isn't involved and she probably never will be, so most of the mothering will be on your shoulders, but you sound like a caring person who is up to the task, you can show that little boy what good mothering is, but I think there is nothing wrong with asking for a break now and then.

Answer 3

One..... you cant make anyone be a GoodParent. If you are going to marry this man, his child will come with the package. You will have to love this child just like your own, or when the child get's older he will feel it. Then will come a negative response, and your going to have your hands full. Your already resenting that he is taking time away from YOUR daughter. If you can't get past this then dont marry him. Then the boy get's to grow up with 2 mom's that treat him like sh*t . Where is daddy? If you can't show this child that you love him as much as your own, you are going to do alot of damage to that boy, Hey that's the kind of mother I would want .Yeah.....sarcasm......

Answer 4

Where is your maternal instinct? If you're going to marry this guy, you'd better step up and be a mother figure. Don't split hairs as to why/how/when. Be the better person. You can spend the time with your daughter at the same time - just like they're brother & sister - which, technically they will be when you marry. Wouldn't it be a nice feeling when this child is grown to know that YOU did that?

Answer 5

Hey, I'm with you 100% And no, it is not your responsbility until you and your future husbnad set down and talk about all thats expected of each other before you get married.

You are right, helping out a dead-beat mother isn't going to make her any better. PLUS!!! You have you own child ( a tiny 6 month old) to look after for Pete's sake.

Hey, does your future husband and his father help you with you baby to the same degree that you help with his ex-girlfriend's kid?

For some reason, its always expected of the women to do everything when it comes to care-taking and its time that you take a stand on that.

Answer 6

Yes they should. Your doing the right thing, but tell them that they are preaching to the choir. Tell her about it.

If you say anthing to the mother, no doubt that somewhere in there she will say it's none of your business. Don't give her the satisfaction of doing that. Do what you can and still achieve what you want is all you can do. You really don't have a dog in that fight. Your soon to be is the one with the dog in the fight. Let him and his family deal with the mother and you should voice your opion on that soon as possible.

Answer 7

You do have a very good pont, it's really not at all you're responsibility. It's his Mother's.
Maybe you should tell youre hubby you'd like to spend more time with your daughter, and if you're soon to be step-son can't or doesn't want to go by his mother, maybe you'r fiance could take him out for a day to keep your hands free.

Answer 8

Well, it really appears that your fiancee is slacking his responsibilities off on you. Why are you taking care of him in the time that he is supposed to be spending with him? Or is the mother supposed to have him during the time you are watching him? Your question is not that clear. What makes the mother a bad mother? Why can't your fiancee watch him? More details please..

Answer 9

I enjoy children and raised my stepson for a big part. I got a kick out of some of the things he did. My own girls and he treat eachother like biological siblings. They are very protective of eachother. Hes just my easiest birth. My son from another mother. LOL

Answer 10

i agree 100%. the mother should be raising him or your fiance should file for full custody. it is great that you have such a good relationship with the child. it sounds like you have a full plate with school and baby, maybe you should postpone wedding until school is done and you are not so overwhelmed. good luck.